I Live In a Sexless Marriage

My Heart Has Been Ripped Out And Stomped On

By: jenerfly

Written on February 5th, 2013

I looked at his phone !! He has been on several different dating sites! Also found email from some one named Sheena ! I don't know what to do at this point. He says he loves me and what he's doing isn't cheating !!!!!! But I feel different about that it's cheating to me and it hurts just the same . I'm not asking g people to send me naked photos!!

By: jenerfly

Age: 36-40 , Female

349 people have read this story

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22 responses

LifeCanBlow

Yes he is cheating. My husband of 17 years cheated (yes we still argue about cheating or not) with some woman at work. "Just texting" never anything physical. Im Crushed also. Where do we go from here? I believe in the whole marriage/friendship/love of my life thing. Apparently I was wrong. So really girlfriend, where do we go from here? I waver from he is done and here with me, to F--- him I never stepped out did I?
Anyhow, Im CRUSHED. If it helps you at all, someone understands how awful the situation feels.
Keep me posted.

Feb 6
1 like
sexymanbig10

He is cheating on you. He is looking for someone else only he wants to keep you in case it doesn't work out. I have been cheated on and that's what age did. Got on dating sites. It's not ur fault so don't ket anyone tell you its something ur doing wrong. You want to be intimate with him he pushes you away for this **** and dating sites. I was very romantic and she still cheated. Yes at this time in my life I am searching for experiences I never had and that is due to being hurt and used. Ultimately I want to be loved. This possible impending death prospect has made me also want to live a little. But if I had someone like you wanting to love me and being by my side I wouldn't want for anything more. I am alone and searching for love. Maybe I'm searching in the wrong places. You sound like a caring, loving woman. He is a fool if he would rather look elsewhere. I hate ****. The real thing is much better. Nothing more satisfying then pleasing your partner.

Feb 6
1 like
hylierandom

He's getting strangers to send him dirty pictures. What ELSE "Isn't cheating" to him, getting bl0wjobs from random females?
...Were it me, I would not trust him at this point, and once trust is gone, the relationship is shot.

Feb 6
1 like
- LifeCanBlow
  I agree once trust is gone, relationship is shot. So now what? two kids ( 10 and 12) two dogs, house, pool, cars, etc. Everything would change for me kids and dogs. Im sick over this. But thats true once trust is gone, relationship is shot.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
bazzar

Dealbreaker yet ?
Tread your own path.

Feb 5
2 likes
lightpainter

He is looking for what he can't get in the marriage. Every day I feel like doing the same thing. One can only be touch deprived for so long before we start seeking it elsewhere.

Feb 5
1 like
- lightpainter
  And the affair or potential affair isn't the problem, it's the symptom of a larger issue.
  
  Feb 5
  1 like
- nectoxicdragon
  This is very true, however it can also be signs of other issues, *********** fixations and addiction, sex addiction, and more. While the all generally will have some link to issues within the marriage these generally are not rooted in the marriage as often as actually having an affair ( or more than one) is. Before anyone comes up and tells Jenerfly to leave him, they should sit down and go over this in a very serious manner. In specific she needs to remember that men are exceedingly visual and in an age where every form of titillation can be had on the web, "the thrill is gone". This HAS resulted in an epidemic of photo posting by the most unlikely of people, for the pure erotic thrill. and men, being voyeurs by nature end up unwittingly hurting their partners in what logically seems to them (us), by nature, an innocent act, no more malignant that leafing through the latest issue of a Victoria Secret catalog...
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- sexymanbig10
  I like visual as much as anyone but watching strangers have sex. I don't think that is hott. Hott is making your woman totally satisfied. Visual is looking into your womans eyes while making love to her and seeing that you are pleasing her. She cooks and cleans and in most cases takes care of the children. She should be your queen not your servant. What should be getting you off is being able to get her off. This is our responsibility to learn how to please our queen. Not expect them to always initiate things. Your pleasure is achieved by pleasing your lover. Not by getting what u need only.
  "A woman is a privilege not a possession and should be treated as your queen and not your servant"
  Written by me
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- LifeCanBlow
  Yes, the actions he took are selfish. And at some point he SHOULD have talked to the one in front of him about what he was looking for, or even asked her to do somethings different, instead of talking to strangers. That would have been called a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. Sounds like he was selfish selfish selfish. UNfortunately, you cannot force a person to do the right thing.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
1 More Reply
mvcmvc

You are going through a painfull process as you discover the hard truths about your marriage.

If your husband is not willing to discuss the issue, and continues on engaging in behaviors that hurt and not help the marriage, after all is said and done, the bottom line will be this:

Are these behaviors dealbreakers or not?

Keep writing your story - you will eventually get to your clarity.

-----"what he's doing isn't cheating"

By the way, as his spouse, YOU get to define what is, and is not cheating. If his behavior is not acceptable, it does not matter one iota if HE believes it is not cheating. If it is to you, then it is.

Feb 5
3 likes
- nectoxicdragon
  NO she does not get to define what is or isn't cheating, THEY define it, the single sided female double standard can not be allowed as an excuse to drive a wedge into someone else's relation ship
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- mvcmvc
  I will agree with you that THEY get to define cheating, but I will not agree to your "single sided female double standard" - this is a couple issue, not a female double standard issue.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- enna30
  Well said mvc.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
AMusicalMind

Hi jenerfly:
Before I found the hard evidence of her affair, my ex-wife claimed for months that she wasn't doing anything wrong - and I believed her...because I couldn't face the alternative. Even when my friends gently tried to point out what was so obvious to everyone else but me, it wasn't until I saw the evidence with my own eyes that I faced up to the truth.
Yes he's cheating, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
The thing to try to remember is that the cheating isn't the problem - it's a symptom. The problem is that your relationship isn't working - and once the pain clears a little, you might be able to see that he's done you a favor by giving you a reason to make a change.
Hang in there...things are going to get better.

Feb 5
2 likes
- nectoxicdragon
  What hard proof do you have that he is cheating? do you know him? have you extracted female DNA from his boxers? It is irresponsible to try to destroy a relationship without anything but supposition. She NEEDs to sit down with him and a counselor, it is most likely he is addicted to ****, as she stated WOMEN'S photos not one woman's were on his phone.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
lohla

Yea, honey. He's cheating or going to be cheating soon. From all 3 of your stories, you have expressed such stress, hurt and betrayal by him. now... this.
I really don't see how this relationship is worth all that for you. Is it worth it?

Feb 5
2 likes
- jenerfly
  No it's not ! I'm a mess . My heart hurts with a pain I can't explain. I feel sad hurt and betrayed crying so much my tears are almost gone.
  
  Feb 5
  1 like
- pamelamc
  So sorry. Wish there were more I could say. That's got to be devastating. Hugs.
  
  Feb 5
  1 like
- genguy
  Time heals all wounds .....Give it time......But in the MEAN TIME..... Get a DIVORCE!!!
  
  Feb 5
  1 like
- nectoxicdragon
  Jenerfly, it's time to stop posting to a bunch of people who like to tell others what to do because it makes them feel superior. There are multiple sources you can go to within your community to find counseling for yourself to help YOU decide the right path for yourself and your marriage. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite after saying don't listen to anyone on here, I would suggest you drag your husband's *** with you... it sounds like he has an addiction of some sort going and he needs the help more than you.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- LifeCanBlow
  Again, I think I am in the same place as you. Cry Cry Cry. thats me. I wait till the kids go to bed, and I cry. I drive home from work, and I feel tearful. I think about him sharing hhis day with another woman (and not me) and I am crushed. I know what I would and have told friends/relatives. But I had no idea the hurt I could feel. This really sucks.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
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