AfraidThis isn't at all what I expected.
When I decided to begin posting on this forum, I imagined I would get a few generic words of encouragement ("hey, I hope everything works out for you"), take a few hits ("what kind of moron would stick around as long as you have?"), and maybe even get targeted by some spammers ("with this pill, you can increase your size and win back your girl!").
What I wasn't expecting was actual advice - and I wasn't expecting that advice to be mostly on the side of leaving my marriage.
Now...to put things in perspective...people who decide to post on ILIASM tend to be already at the end of their ropes, so to speak - that is to say, posting here seems to be what many folks do when nothing else has worked. So it might make sense that a good number of those who have visited these shores have found that the best solution to their situation is to move on, having already exhausted other available options.
I know what moving on looks like - the good and the not-so-good - because I've done it before. And to be perfectly honest...I'm afraid.
In my professional life, I tend to be kind of fearless. I take chances. I put my work out there in a big way. I'm good under pressure. I'm that guy.
But when it comes to ending relationships, I'm a wimp.
So...what am I afraid of?
Well, the short answer is that I seem to be completely allergic to hurting someone else's heart - so much so, that I make avoiding the possibility of causing pain WAY more important than my own happiness.
So that's one thing.
Another thing I'm apparently afraid of is change.
I like my home. I like my current financial situation, which thankfully for the moment is very solid. I like that my kids have stability. I like many things about my life. And I'm afraid that if I make this change, things will be worse - for everyone.
But especially for me. What if I don't like my life as much afterwards?
Those of you who have been through it say that your lives are so much better now that you have moved on from your sexless marriages. Even with the guilt (over children, let's say). And the struggles with the ex over finances. And the lawyer bills. And the loss of the home you loved. After all of that - life is better.
When I think about a life that includes a happy, regular sexual relationship with a loving partner, I feel very hopeful. But what if I come to find that after all the hurt, the change, the financial hits - that it wasn't worth the cost?
That question really scares me the most.
So I'm wondering...how did those of you who moved on deal with that fear? Do any of you have any regrets?
deleted 26-30 26 Responses 7 Feb 6, 2013