A 2 Year Exit Plan?

A quick background - married for 12 years, mostly sexless throughout. Completely sexless past year and a half. No touching whatsover past 9 months. Just gets worse and worse...

So I definately want out at this point even though I really struggle with how this would affect my kids. Problem is, I am not currently working, but am going through nursing school which is 2 more years.

If I want to stay in school, I have to stay married. It's an accelerated program where you are asked not to work, nor do I think I could and maintain the program. I also feel guilty that I'm essentially letting him pay for everything while I'm in school. Not the actual tuition, which is all loans that I will pay myself after graduation, but everything while I'm in school. Granted, I do all the housework, take care of the kids, cook etc. but I feel guilty.

Anyway, I don't know if I can make it 2 years! I'm very depressed and lonely. We barely speak and never touch, not even a roommate hug or peck. I feel stuck. Financially, for myself and for my kids, I know I need to stay in school and get through this. It just seems like a long time.
pinkandgreen224 pinkandgreen224
36-40, F
6 Responses Feb 6, 2013

Yes, 2 years seems like a long time, but nursing school goes by soooo fast. And if you are in an accelerated program, separating now could harm your study time and grades. I suggest you ride it out.

You are actually doing him a favour by going to school, because you are going to be able to support yourself and he may not have to pay you alimony. Don't feel guilty for trying to improve your situation.

You may be surprised what you can do that you thought you COULDN'T....I know I was. When it is time to GO....you just GO...
I worried about my kids, too....but they are actually HAPPIER that we are apart. They love us both, but now have the space to love, and think, and BE....without worrying about their parents' happiness. (And No, I did NOT realize that they worried about US, until we split....but they WERE worried...) Something to think about...

More wise words from my wonderful therapist. I was feeling much the same as you about finances today when he said, "My wife doesn't work outside the home and every penny we have is attributable to her. There is no way I could have achieved what I have without her, and certainly no way I could have been a good father." Made me sad that I was never made to feel as if I was contributing, and happy to know that there are men out there that recognize what goes into running a household.

Two years goes by pretty quick, especially when you are busy. Take care of yourself.

Whatever time frame you set yourself, it is imperative that your preparations start NOW.

And it is imperative that you hold YOURSELF accountable to that time frame. It is very easy to slip into the trap of - "I'll leave when Aunty Maude dies" and when Aunty Maude does peg out, you revise the "when you'll get out" to "when the summer solstice happens"

Tread your own path.