I Should Be Grateful

I'm a new member, but I've been following the posts for a couple of weeks. I didn't realise that my feelings were justified until I read some posts here. My husband convinced me that most marriages are sexless and that I just expect too much. I still don't know what to believe because this isn't something people usually talk about openly. What I do know is that I'm not happy. Are SM's normal? It seems like all the advice outside this group takes the side of the refuser and vilifies the refused. My husband thinks I should be grateful. He sys that most women in my position would be grateful and can go withut sex if they're married to a good provider.
An Ep User An EP User
6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

"My husband thinks this" "My husband thinks that"

In a dysfunctional situation, it doesn't matter a whole heap what your husband thinks.

What do YOU think ???????????????

Tread your own path.

Your husband makes me very angry.

Thank you for responding. I'm starting to realise that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am normal. I commented that our dog is also grateful for food and a roof over her head, but I'm not a pet dog. I don't expect sex often, just every now and then so that our relationship can be unique to that of owner and pet.

What's even worse is that when you talk in your sleep and let slip things like " I would gladly live in poverty with someone who wants me, then have all this, and be stuck with you"

You are unhappy. Your spouses response, rather than addressing the core issue that is making you unhappy, tries to "guilt" you into "shutting up": "you should be grateful".

Sure, you should be grateful he doesn't hit you. Or at least he doesn't hit you - unless he's drunk. You should be grateful you don't have to sell your a$$ on the street corner to make enough to feed your children. You should be grateful you don't live in a war zone. You should be grateful you aren't horribly deformed.

You should NEVER hear "you should be grateful" as a response to a real world issue, like lack of sex in your marriage.

Without sex, your marriage is just a roomate and coparenting situation, not a marriage. Possibly a business arrangement. Not a marriage.

You have bigger issues than no sex, if you hear "you should be grateful" ...

You can not talk to people who have normal sexual relationships about your SM. They simply do not understand. When you are having sex a couple times a week (which is average) it is easy to dismiss the importance of it. They will never understand that without sex you do not experience the human intimacy that is so essential in a relationship. I am leaving my 'good provider' even though I have not worked in 7 years and know I will face financial hardships. Pretending to be happy is just no longer worth it.