Is It Wrong To Be Turned On By A Woman?

I knew a long time ago that things wasnt good in our marrige (sexually)it had diminished a lot over time and the intimacy had started to wane too. If we did have a little cuddle or a few kisses, my wife would seem disgusted that i was aroused, and she would even make comments such as "you can keep that away from me" and "your a pervert", i dont know what other women think about that, but for my point of veiw id be happy if i was able to arouse my wife and that she still found me appealing,i think its very flattering.
When i got these types of comments, its a real mood killer and over time the more times you get refused , the why bother mindset starts and really that was the beginning of the end for it.
steed66 steed66
46-50, M
7 Responses Feb 7, 2013

Many women do that, my own wife lost interest in sex over the years, and she sees me as a provider more than a lover.
This seem to me like a downgrading and hurt me deeply. I tried for a long time to keep it alive, but eventually her nasty remarks and hurtful comments made me loose my desire.
I felt diminished and thought I was being for ever damaged.
But I was wrong. I realised someone else could wake up that passion in me and that the problem wasn't with me...but with her.
My advice is if your wife doesn't respect you, if the physical side of your relationship isn't there anymore it will only lead to frustration and loss of self esteem...
Have a discussion with her about it (if you haven't already), set some targets and if she doesn't make the effort...look elsewhere for love and companionship.
A dying relationship is toxic and will affect every other aspect of your life...
Don't wait for someone else to make you happy...go and get it yourself.

Perhaps, even if you are turned on by your wife, you are supposed to keep that a secret from her, unless she signs a form in triplicate that she is now in the mood.

Baz is suggesting that you cut to the quick, do not pass "GO" and do not collect $200 dollars because to ruin the aphorism, it won't make a darn bit of difference in the end.

He's almost certainly right, but I still think there are some reflections worth making.

One, as a coward who never had the nerve to get married it still amuses me to read explicit or implicit statements such as. "We are married now, and marriage equals sex". Yeah, lol, but on the other hand...

Two, let's say, for argument's sake, you were getting IT several times a day, every day, you actually might end up being bored, insulted even. You might think, "It's just about the sex, not about ME. It's just about another ****, any ****, slotted in the glory hole."

Ridiculous, right? Or maybe not. Maybe it has never been your experience and never will be, but maybe it is for others.


You knew a "long time ago that things were not good in my marriage".

You own the fact that from the time you "knew" this, you have stayed in the marriage.

Her behaviour may well have started the dysfunctionality, but your compliance in staying has continued it.

Anyway, you are picking around the edges of the core problem here - but in answer to you question "do women like to see their bloke crack a rod in arousal" the answer is - in a functional marriage - they sure do.

Can't quite see how this knowledge is going to help you a real lot.

Tread your own path.

Even though i knew, when you have all your confidence your self esteem and all your self worth destroyed, if you haven't been in that situation you don't know how relentless it gets, you just don't know what's what anymore

It's true. Dysfunctional marriages **** with your head, get you thinking weird ****, get you making uninformed choices which feed back into the dysfunctional loop.

A break away from the dysfunctional situation can oftentimes start the process of getting your thinking sorted out.

Are you in a position where you could take such a break ?

"i dont know what other women think about that..." Have you any idea? I bet you do! It is the purpose of marriage to be with person who arouses you and aroused by you...

The right answer is a question:

Is it wrong to marry someone who is attracted to you when you are not attracted to them?

ummm... I have always taken someone being aroused by me as a compliment.

thats what i always thought too