I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to update everyone on my recent progress. Within the past few weeks, I have been reading books on improving myself. I must say that the past few weeks have led to many insights. I used to think that I was fine and did not have many hang-ups, if any. However, I notice that it takes two unhealthy people to be in an unhealthy relationship. I’ve noticed that I’ve been guilty being a doormat, being terrible with boundaries, and have been too much of the rescuer/victim. I’m a piece of work, right?
In any case, I’ve been working hard on being more of the person that I like, and that my W fell for. Well these changes have been difficult for W and me. I’ve been hanging out with friends after work (not super late, but maybe enjoy a beer after work), getting to work on time, not rescuing W from inconvenience of having to get ready on time, and have been playing basketball with the guys during the weekends. This has led to W complaining about my lack of availability, but I’ve also felt happier about these aspects of my life. I’ve been more productive at work and I’ve lost a few pounds, too! On top of that, the W has had dinner waiting on the table every once in a while rather than me rushing home from work to start cooking.
I’m going to keep at it, but I haven’t seen any changes with regards to sex. I’ve started initiating again, but have been shot down each time. I tell her that I thought that it would be fun, but go about my day like I’m not destroyed if she turns me down. We’ve gone out on a few dates, as well. On one date, she handed me her bra (a nursing bra) to put in the back seat so she could change into it after the date. I played dumb, and asked her if she was seducing me (similar to when a woman might hand you her underwear during the date), to which she replied that she’s too old (she’s 30) to do anything like handing me her underwear to seduce me. I told her age has nothing to do with it; we can have fun with each other like that until we’re old and gray. She said that would be weird.
We haven’t had sex in 6 months. Before that, it was 24 months (9 months pregnancy, 15-16 months post-pregnancy). I told her that I’d like for us to work toward being physically intimate, to which she replied that she is still too “touched out” from BFing. She BFs our toddler once a night now. I said that I’d like to work together still as sex is important and that it does not have to be intercourse right now, but that it’s important that we at least try to work on this, noting that I’m worried that a passive approach would lead to indifference about our sex life. She said that she’ll be ready to have sex when she is done BFing (approximately 2-4 months from now). However, I’m sure that she’ll say she can’t have sex after she’s done BFing because she’s grieving that she is no longer BFing.
I’m going to keep working on me, but I’m losing hope that my W will begin to make changes in our sex life. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m starting to open up to the idea that I might have to lose her to have the marriage or relationship I want. I just hope she’s not using our child as a hostage to keep me in this marriage.
I just wanted to update everyone on my recent progress. Within the past few weeks, I have been reading books on improving myself. I must say that the past few weeks have led to many insights. I used to think that I was fine and did not have many hang-ups, if any. However, I notice that it takes two unhealthy people to be in an unhealthy relationship. I’ve noticed that I’ve been guilty being a doormat, being terrible with boundaries, and have been too much of the rescuer/victim. I’m a piece of work, right?
In any case, I’ve been working hard on being more of the person that I like, and that my W fell for. Well these changes have been difficult for W and me. I’ve been hanging out with friends after work (not super late, but maybe enjoy a beer after work), getting to work on time, not rescuing W from inconvenience of having to get ready on time, and have been playing basketball with the guys during the weekends. This has led to W complaining about my lack of availability, but I’ve also felt happier about these aspects of my life. I’ve been more productive at work and I’ve lost a few pounds, too! On top of that, the W has had dinner waiting on the table every once in a while rather than me rushing home from work to start cooking.
I’m going to keep at it, but I haven’t seen any changes with regards to sex. I’ve started initiating again, but have been shot down each time. I tell her that I thought that it would be fun, but go about my day like I’m not destroyed if she turns me down. We’ve gone out on a few dates, as well. On one date, she handed me her bra (a nursing bra) to put in the back seat so she could change into it after the date. I played dumb, and asked her if she was seducing me (similar to when a woman might hand you her underwear during the date), to which she replied that she’s too old (she’s 30) to do anything like handing me her underwear to seduce me. I told her age has nothing to do with it; we can have fun with each other like that until we’re old and gray. She said that would be weird.
We haven’t had sex in 6 months. Before that, it was 24 months (9 months pregnancy, 15-16 months post-pregnancy). I told her that I’d like for us to work toward being physically intimate, to which she replied that she is still too “touched out” from BFing. She BFs our toddler once a night now. I said that I’d like to work together still as sex is important and that it does not have to be intercourse right now, but that it’s important that we at least try to work on this, noting that I’m worried that a passive approach would lead to indifference about our sex life. She said that she’ll be ready to have sex when she is done BFing (approximately 2-4 months from now). However, I’m sure that she’ll say she can’t have sex after she’s done BFing because she’s grieving that she is no longer BFing.
I’m going to keep working on me, but I’m losing hope that my W will begin to make changes in our sex life. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m starting to open up to the idea that I might have to lose her to have the marriage or relationship I want. I just hope she’s not using our child as a hostage to keep me in this marriage.
By:
WoodRooster
Age:
31-35
,
Male
