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Snow Storm Commute Musings

so i filed the complaint for divorce 2 weeks ago this coming monday. spoke with the paralegal at my atty's office today & the docs aren't back from the court yet.

when i told him i had filed he said lots of things about how he was sorry..."but." and then followed it up with asking me to please reconsider, etc. i told him the papers had already been files but still he asked me to think about it.

now. during the conversation, not once did he look genuinely pained or emotional. he did look bothered-as in omg what am I going to do if I lose all that income, the maid, the child care, the social engineer, etc.?

when sandy happened and we lost some beautiful old trees he cried. and he was depressed for days.

comparing his reaction to the loss of those trees and the loss of his wife?

life has gone on as usual. you'd think we'd never had that talk. except he's asked me twice to "find a counselor honey so we can go together." nuh uh not falling in that time suck trap.

it strikes me he told me that i am "it" for him. then you'd think he'd be doing *some*thing to "keep" me. nope. nada.

and the attitude (negative, sarcastic, snarky & putting me down a lot) is definitely toxic for my daughter.

so i will be selling what i have available to raise cash (some old, good, jewelry that has no sentimental value and using the cash as down payment on a new place to live. i hope to be in a new place with my daughter within the next couple months.

does anyone else's refuser spouse show zero emotion and even less emlpath!
smithy8015 smithy8015 46-50, F 8 Responses Feb 8, 2013

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smithy...my ex refused to believe we were done until he found "the house of his dreams." Then, he eagerly filed and moved on with his life. So yeah, I can relate. No connection...no empathy...time to move on!

Good luck Smithy :) You'll be fine, I just know it.

GOOD LUCK !!

Yep - he's constantly stoned faced and miserable! Xxx

For what it's worth, when confronted by hurtful remarks or bad news, I can do an excellent poker face, though my brain may have slotted into overdrive.

Tread your own path.

Aspergers

In my experience, "going to counseling" is a good way to feign a desire to change without, y'know, actually doing anything to change. Unless there is a discernible change in *behavior*, then it is all just more talk talk talk.

I like the fact that you are the one who is supposed to find the counselor, and by extension, make the appointment(s), take care of the insurance and arrange to pay the bill. How proactive of him to broach the subject!

exACTly!

Bingo!

"Oh you want some attention? Why don't you schedule that in my daytimer, and while you're at it, call the gardener, rearrange the living room, and make sure my dental appointment is confirmed?"

What are you, his secretary?

Excellent point! STBX talking to smithy, "please...you continue to do all of the heavy lifting so I can continue my childish ways. Oh, and pardon me while I find new ways to rack up additional debt..."

oh yeah zsuz, yes, you nailed it!

and fie, too!

how did you know? ;)

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