The Child Psychologist'S Take

So today was a trip to my eldest's psychologist (we started to see this doctor on the advice of the pediatrician about 4 years ago, for unrelated issues).

The session started with me filling her in on what's going on, the potential plans to move to Europe, etc. She's aware of the separation with him in the basement, & his health issues. She said when she called our house earlier in the day, he (ex) sounded so very sick, that she worried about ME - I must be doing everything. I said, yeah I am. He's maybe on a good day makes himself get up to help with the kids in the morning, then back to bed, then maybe gets up to help with their bath in the evening - if he's well enough. 9/10 he's not.

Psych expressed extreme concern when I discussed the plans to move the kids to Europe without EX - how would they cope with out him, etc, he provides "emotional" whereas I provide "stability" - which actually really pissed me off, although I kept a straight face, I'm sure my eyes were daggers!!!

Anyways, then she talks with eldest child while I leave room for about 40 minutes.

Then I go back in and child goes out of room for a follow-up.

Turns out now psych doctor says, my child is more tired of the situation than anything, my child is NOT concerned or upset about father, child is just ready to move on, and maybe a move is the best thing!!! For the child of mine with the most coping difficulties and anxiety & etc., get her AWAY from her dad!!!

What a switch eh!

And something for those "staying for the kids" to REALLY think about. I know my situation is not the same as everything, but when something's dysfunctional...
zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 8, 2013

I think that is probably the hardest thing for many of us here, believing we are doing the right thing for our kids. Even when you know it intellectually there is always second guessing. I'm glad you are getting your kids out of a toxic situation.

Now to put that into "me" thinking terms.

Is it in my best longer term interests to get me and my kids out of the dysfunctional situation ?
It is ? then what do I need to do - no matter how unpleasant that might be short term - to advance that agenda ?

Tread your own path.