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Wow Not The Respoinse I Expected

I asked my wife why she was making efforts at both emotional and physical intimacy when for so many years she had never considered this important.

Her response: “Because I was a fool. I thought that if I was basically happy then my partner should be too. I failed to see if you were not happy then I was destroying what mattered most to me. I can’t believe I fell into the same mistake I watched my mother make – thinking that things were not great but ok and then losing my dad to a much younger woman.

“I had thought that being ill gave me a pass to be crabby and bitchy. I do not have more energy but I am allocating it differently now, focusing on what really matters, hoping I am not too late.

“I know you have your doubts and all you can do is watch and wait to see what happens. I am just thankful you are at least giving me the opportunity to try and change.”
thomascan thomascan 46-50 6 Responses Feb 9, 2013

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Great that she has questioned herself to your needs.

I will never get in your situation, but if I did, and asked the above question, my wife would immediately question back, "so which way would you rather have it? you need to first make up your mind, you know". So I give your wife already an A+ for good manners, even if it is all fake.

Cynical me has to ask - was there an addendum to this statement ? something along the lines - "so lets forget about getting that silly written agreement officially notarised"

Tread your own path.

I too, just in the past two days, seem to be in a similar situation. Only time will tell. Good luck!

All in all that is a very mature response by her, it really is. That is good because it does two things. 1) Maybe, just maybe it means she has openned her eyes to what is happening and realizes that her behavior is important in a "we" relationship. 2) It gives you a baseline. If she backs away from intimacy in the future you know based on this statement that she fully understands the responsibility she has in making this work.
Like mvcmvc stated the proof will lay itself out over time, but this gives you bottom line to work forward from. You never again have to ask yourself if "she really understands it" she does.

The changes will be manifested in behavior (not words) and will be sustainable.

That will be your "proof" over the long term.