Me Too!I live in a sexless marriage by choice. Yes, by choice.
Am I happy? No.
I chose to stop having sex with a man who loves beer, tobacco and marihuana above a all else. As long as those three items are present then all is well in the world. Not!
In the fall of 2010 he took one of those angry, staggering and hateful looks at me and sneered "I WILL NEVER CHANGE". As many of the posters here have mentioned, the switch was now on the "OFF" position for me.
I remember it like yesterday; I can see where each of us was standing and how utterly clear it was that I could no longer be his wife. That was December 2011.
Day by day, or, night by night really (cause the only intimacy ever was between 2 and 6 AM with the mornin wood) I began to say no. To withdraw. After a few rejections he began to get loud and say things no one should ever say to a spouse. I would give in for the sake of peace in the home but each time was more disgusted. There came a time when I gave in but ended up sobbing. Upon noticing, he asked if i were crying... when I didn't reply he flew off the handle.
The next day, I advised that if he EVER touched me again against my wishes, he would be arrested for rape and assault.
I have since gone through many sleepless nights but have never more given in.
But I am not sexless. My libido is healthy and vibrant.
This person has turned into what my heart sees as a rapist. Giving in is telling him it's ok to choose to stagnate the rest of your life, the world is beautiful because he "had" me. Therefore, I will continue what I do for relief, find joy where i can and occasionally - - - be lonely.
jojo2u 46-50, F 4 Responses 0 Feb 9, 2013