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What Do They Truely Want?

When our spouses accuse us of cheating. Or when they say that we are going to cheat, am I the only one who feels like I'm being pushed in that direction? Is that what they truely want? Would that absolve them from the pain of refusing? Would that clear their conscience, or would they know that they are the ones who bring us to make these choices. I made a vow to love, honor, and cherish, I never vowed to be celebate.
jmhollis jmhollis 36-40, M 7 Responses Feb 10, 2013

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STBX never accused me of cheating even though, in the early days before I gave up, I threated it. However, the one thing that always guaranteed sex was the appearance of an ex-boyfriend. There were even a couple occasions where we were out and I ran into an ex and he invited them back to our house to drink. I told him it made me uncomfortable but he was always very interested in letting other people know that I belonged to him. I almost feel that a spouse who asks if you are cheating is just making sure they still have control over you.

This brings to mind my first husband, who constantly accused me of cheating. It was pointed out to me that some people judge us by what they are capable of themselves. Turns out he was cheating on me for pretty much our entire 27 yr marraige. wtf?

As much as we love them.We have to understand we are not their slaves their toys that they can use when ever they want. Woman have their ways to get to us believe me!! if they want something they know how to get it from us and they wont think of the vows of love and honor. They want us to cheat on them so they have something to use against us. Love and marriage is a game that we need to be smart to play.

Reminds me of ID4 where the alien clamps the nerd scientist to the glass wall and reveals what they "truly want" from humanity through him: "die, die, die".

"Would that clear their conscience" - Oh I think it would... It would prove to them that they are right, that you are the problem, you are the sex-crazed one, and that they are simply the victim.

Your first story raised the validity of a condition your missus claims to have.

You haven'r responded on that story so that exploration has stalled.

This one is about "When our spouses accuse us of cheating" and is asked in such a way that suggests this is very common (the spouse routinely levelling accusations of cheating) and I don't actually think it is that common. Not in my experience anyway.

As to "what refusers want", well that one is pretty easy - they want you (the refused) to shut the **** up about the appalling level of intimate expression in the union, to not bring it up, to not mention it, to ignore it.

Tread your own path.

All you need to know is that they no longer want you.
What you do with that knowledge is what will define your future.

Well said boss!