Medical Or Mental Issues?For years after our third child my wife has had nothing but numerous medical problems. She had all types of problems with the plumbing and has procedure after procedure at least every year or two. Thermoplasty, hysterectomy and most recently a sling in the front for the bladder and a sling in the back for a rectocele. In between these different surgeries was neck surgery for her back, countless doctor visits for so many things I have forgotten some of them.
Since the last child our sex life has been dramatically less and less as time goes on. My princess is 14 now. I have tried being understanding, reading books, took her to different doctors for different opinions, therapist, marriage therapist and tomorrow I am even sending her to a hypnotist as a final effort.
We have been through different pills for hormone replacement but she is allergic to both the natural and genetic forms of all of them. She has tried different medications both all natural and prescribed. A few years back I actually began keeping track of when we were together intimately. Last few years I could count them on one hand each year and didn't use all of the fingers on one hand last year.
I began making a game out of it to keep myself sane. I would bet myself what the excuse would be for the day, too tired, sleepy, hurting from things she had done during the day, cramping, medications not agreeing with her, full from dinner or just simply not in the mood. I would keep track of the excuses and got to the point I was making odds on what it would be that night.
I work an extremely stressful job in law enforcement. I work the streets, train rookies on the streets, teach at the academy, active in the honor guard, speak to different community groups throughout the area and on top of that I am in charge of one of the largest police employee groups in the state.
I have somehow always made time for her and the children. I have spoken with her parents and keep being told by them to be patient. I don't know how many years of patience I can have. I understand the medical problems she has and have suggested other ways of us being together without going near her plumbing problems below the waist.
I am the handyman type and fill my time at home working on various projects around the house with remodeling. I helps me keep my mind off of my problems by concentrating of the project. I have buried myself in work in the same manner. I find myself now avoiding being around her so I won't have desires come to the surface. I have a roommate, not a wife. Yes, I have tried different things to spark her up.
I have taken her away for the weekend to a bed and breakfast, bring her flowers and have discussed the issue with her countless times. Nothing changes and she still won't touch me. I am still in the same shape as when we were married 24 years ago.
I have stopped trying because it hurts too much being constantly rejected. I still love her but it hurts too much to be around her and be rebuffed. I have even tried finding medications that would get rid of my libido so it wouldn't be an issue but have found nothing.
She is going to a hypnotist tomorrow and I am hopeful but at this point it is a last ditch effort. If this doesn't work I am out of options and ideas.
Does anyone have some advice or maybe another solution?