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Thanks

All,
Over the last few years many of you have helped me through some difficult times. I want to thank you all. Remember me.
C


addendum: It is Tuesday and thanks to many of you I am still here. You are all the best.
C
cvann5 cvann5 51-55, M 16 Responses Feb 10, 2013

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Checking in on you. Let us know how you are today.

Doing a great deal better. The support here has been terrific!

So where's my dog training tips !!!!??????

I think you'd better help him out Cvann! He is obviously spoiling that dog in my absence and fearful of my reaction when I return home!!

Downers for doggies... They may not obey, but they're too stoned to move!

*snort!* omg that's funny. glad to hear you're doing better. keep checking in will you please?

Copy that!

Very happy to hear that you're feeling better. :)

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<p>Evening Brother C. 7.52pm in my jurisdiction so you are probably asleep. <br />
Nothing new to report here bar the fact that the dog (in my avatar) seems determined to dig to China in the back yard today. Know anything about dog training ?</p>

I had to take my pistol over to my brother's, he's still babysitting it. So this is par for the course, but these moods pass.
You have to just breathe, ride the wave until it passes.

Good morning C Man.
6.45am in my jurisdiction, about to go to work.
Enjoy today.

hi c,

check in &amp; let us know you're doing okay, we care!

I am alive and kicking!

good to hear. keep on!

Checking in.
Nice to see you up and about Brother, (as of "12 hours ago") according to the date stamp.

Get some sleep ?

baz

I got 11 hours of sleep and feel much better. It is amazing how much you all helped. Thank you!

Speaking of sleep, it is 10.20 pm in my jurisdiction. I shall follow your example Brother C.

c,

i hope our friends here on EP helped you make it through the night until morning.

i lost my dearest friend to suicide a year and a half ago. the wound is still huge and immensely painful. i cannot *imagine* how her (adult) children feel.

i sincerely hope that you will seek help from a number of sources as recommended here. and keep coming &amp; posting. the pain you are experiencing is real and hard to endure. but there is the flip side of life: you have children. they love you. there is SO MUCH JOY to experience, watching your children grow and live their lives. please keep on one more minute one more hour one more day at a time. i survived my childhood and my teen years in just that way.

let us know how you're doing. please.

Made it through the night. Feel REALLY ****** this morning, bit coffee helps.
Thanks all

Go get some help today - it costs nothing to call a mental health helpline, and you are anonymous as online. Call you doctor. You deserve to get yourself some help.

Ok... Thank you Zsu.

I did call the helpline... And they were very good. I was worried that they would trace me and haul me off, but they didn't . My mentor at work has included my statistical analysis on his white paper and presentation in March at a Military scientific conference. I FINALLY GOT PUBLISHED! After working in the field for over 15 years, I have finally made it into print. My mother, 72 years old, beat me by 5 years. She received her PhD after she supposedly retired ( age 67) ... Now she is a professor at a military college in the SE! Wow, it's really ironic how fast life can turn around. Thank you so much for keeping alive. I owe you whatever you want (under $20 of course)I am soon glad you guys are my friends,
Much love
C

Wow, impressive! (both you and your mom!)

... not really, I cheated... She didn't!

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You said on 2nd Feb:

"Maybe a window opened today for me... It might not help save my marriage, but it might help save me."

I like the sound of that. Maybe dwell a bit more on it, for a while? How might you actually make it happen? What would it take? How much resolve? You can't fantasise about an alternative, better future, but there is probably one out there and the odds increase in your favour when you try to seek it out.

You say elsewhere that faith is more powerful than knowledge. Maybe, but as a mathematician you must recognise that knowledge, truth, can inform and strengthen your faith. And the sort of faith I am talking about here is not a faith in God but a faith in yourself, what is really just a glimmer of self-optimism.

You have a project, the project is you. Buckle in for the ride. You have begun your journey. You have begun to ask important questions about yourself. Don't do anything radical until you have found the answers to those questions. Reserve some of that precious faith for yourself.

PS. Leave the young women alone. Sure there are young women out there who are interested in older men, either for their maturity or maybe more likely their money. Give yourself a break, there are plenty of older woman out there that you don't have to be masochistic as far as young bunnies are concerned. Older women may be broken by marriage and divorce, but it doesn't mean they are any more broken than those younger. They have maturity and realism on their side and they have often come to the realisation that they are better off not being reliant on any man except for that which they cannot get for themselves.

Give yourself a realistic chance.

Not chasing anyone right now.

I've been to the precipice. Actually visualised several different ways how I would do it. Actually tried it out for size but found it very frustrating. Did LOTS of googling. What actually got to me in the end was a real fear of failing, of actually surviving in a worse state than before and maybe not being in a physical state to try again and eventually be successful. And being subsequently reliant on low-paid low-lifes to take care of me who might prefer to abuse me rather than care for me. Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what pissed me off more than anything? How difficult the state makes it for you to take charge of your own destiny, at least in a way that would be re-assuring. Maybe you have guns that are relatively easy to get hold of but here I would have had to have done so illegally and I simply wouldn't know where to begin. Same with illegal drugs, although I am sure I could have found a dealer locally without too much difficulty. But what the hell would you be actually getting from them?

Silly innit? In a way I am relieved that I was put off by all the practical difficulties involved. Not ecstatic I will admit. And that is about as far as the society's input goes, as far as it is supposed to care or help. And maybe that is appropriate. I don't know and I don't care to debate it.

Death is final and your kids will NEVER recover from you leaving them through suicide. It's selfish and I can tell from you're writing you're a sensitive and loving man.

Breathe deep, talk to someone professional and do things that make you happy. Watch comedies, don't read the newspaper and don't dwell on little things (like getting shot down by women). There's too much on your plate right now. Small steps, be kinder to yourself and keep moving forward.

You can do it.

PLease don't, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please don't.PLEASE DON'T

Point is Brother cvann, is that we are still here to help you through THIS difficult time too.
We would some sort of shithouse network if we didn't.
Tap in, not out.

Cvann 5 no one is worth taking your life for. Your kids need you and will no doubt grow to hate your memory if you leave them this way.

You have plenty of support here.

Stay Strong &amp; Good Luck

OK, if you are suicidal, PLEASE go get yourself help - call ANYONE.There's a list of resources here: http://help.experienceproject.com/customer/portal/articles/391568-what-if-another-member-or-myself-is-in-crisis-<br />
No matter what the problem is, you CAN get through it. You just need to reach out for help. Call 911 (emergency number) right now and tell them you need help.If nothing else, you have GOT to keep living for your KIDS. Show them how strong you are by asking for help NOW. Your suicide would damage them beyond belief.

I am just tired of being in pain... Physical, emotional. I have had all I can handle.

I hear you. Can you get some help? Do you have to carry all the weight yourself? Is there noone you can call or visit?

I am already wayyy past my bedtime, so if at some point you comment and I do not reply, please keep commenting. Others are awake and will respond.

I do not know your location, and so cannot further suggest help for you.

I repeat to you: it is time to ask for help. Whether on here or calling 911 or calling a trusted friend. Calling your physician. If necessary, you can present yourself to the nearest emergency room as well, at least in my area of the world, they can help.

Don't know if this will help you or not, but one thing that gets me through is this quote: "This too shall pass". I just keep saying that in my darkest hour. "This too shall pass".

Two years ago, I was suicidal. I would sit and stare at my wrists, thinking the only thing that would stop the pain would be to slit them open. But my kids kept me on this earth. I understood that the suicidal feelings were cries for help. It took me over a year to get past those DAILY feelings - but those feelings are now in the past. They will be in the past for you one day, too.

Hang in there. If you can, get help tonight. Or promise yourself that you'll hang in there just for tonight, and get help in the morning. Hang in there minute by minute, hour by hour - you can get through.

I will try...thank you

Thank you for letting us know. I'm heading off to bed now, but again, there's always someone on here, as you know. Hang in there!

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Well, where ya goin'?

Away

You're leaving EP? You're staying on EP but leaving this group? You're leaving planet earth?

Specifics, por favor.

I'm tired of fighting... I'm tired of living

Please think about your children. Don't leave them with that kind of memory. I have been suicidal, but I realized that NO ONE is worth taking my life for. I urge you to see someone right away.

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?
Seems a bit sad statement... Please, write couple of lines from time to time and many people will remember you...