Celibacy Confusion

I, too live in a sexless marriage, which has been evolving or more accurately devolving for over 20 years on our 36-year marriage. While my wife talks about us being "partners", she excluded the physical intimacy and sex, which has generated such feelings of loneliness and separation that I question if I can endure a celibate marriage for the remainder of my life. I'm 60, a professional in reasonably good shape. Am I a narrow minded male only interested, eternally in sex, as my wife feels or is it that physical intimacy, touching is so central, it would be like criticizing a starving person for continuing to talk about food. The thought of meeting a woman open to exploration of what life with passion, kindness, fun and creativity can be could rekindle life's creative force. I did have a brief affair many y ears ago, but I'm older, wiser, I hope and committed to providing physical and emotional pleasure to a partner, something I have not be permitted to do in my marriage. I am married and don't want to begin any potential relationship, however narrowly or functionally defined with deceit, and so I was excited in discovering this website.
cosmos4 cosmos4
51-55, M
4 Responses Feb 11, 2013

Suggested reading - "We, or Me". Put that in the search box up the top of the page.

You might find, if your objectively look at your deal, that your missus has a propensity to act unilaterally in assorted aspects of your marriage, not just the sex.

You might find that a view that - "everything is great bar the sex" - is actually not a very accurate description of the dynamic at all.

That would then place you squarely at the fork in the road.

Tread your own path.

you are a starving person, starving for intimacy

I am right where you are, with the exception that our "devolving" sex life and intimacy has only been over the past 8 years. Struggling with not know what to do and praying and hoping that something changes. I fully understand the loneliness and question where things got off track.

Been there; done that.... and determined that the only way to continue living my life - WITH my sanity - was to part ways with my "partner".... who was so off-putting for all those years....

AND... I found a delightful lady... who had similar thoughts/dreams/expectations as I did relative to being intimate... and we've made a beautiful life together....

Life is too short to live with a partner who just, plain, doesn't give a darn about YOU!! Go find one who DOES (care about you... and your wants/needs/desires/dreams and expectations....).... and who wants to share her's, with YOU.....

I care a LOT about my husband, but he lives with chronic pain that makes him feel that sex is impossible. No energy, not able to breathe... and it feels as burdensome to him as taking out the garbage. I don't want to have sex with him if it's going to feel like that to him! So, sometimes there is a fundamental mismatch... but it's not the refuser's fault. I read that love and intimacy can actually heal (Dr Dean Ornish: Love and Survival) but if the person doesn't let you in , then they can't be healed. But can you part ways if the other person is sick??? Won't I feel guilty for the rest of my life??