An Affair (Rule) To RememberSorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.
The numbers are way way in your favor.
If a male outsourcing partner is not willing to go through the trouble of making arrangements, paying for the hotel and so forth, move on. Really. Don't let your bruised self esteem that you got from your sexless marriage tell you that you should be picking up the tab or being patient with his indecisiveness, anything like that.
He wants sex? Make him arrange it all. Because behind him are 10 to 13 other guys who can also take care of your physical needs and are willing to do so.
Lesson - Women from sexless marriages often have self esteem issues and if they are not careful they will let those issues creep into the relationship with outsourcing partners.
Don't. Okay? And remember what you are after. Outsourcing. Not love.
To all those women in sexless marriages who have emailed me after reading this post - For what it is worth, I have found my personality and cognitive tendencies to be incompatible with outsourcing (for instance I am quite introverted, so all relationships, even affairs, are "work" to me). Other things, like learning new skills and working, teaching things to my young daughter, actually bring me more fulfillment. The one pleasant by-product of outsourcing though, is that it did help me reclaim my sense of self, of womanliness, and attractiveness, but there is no need for me to carry on outsourcing now that those elements have been restored. Outsourcing, also, ironically, made my marriage more tolerable. Somehow it helps to know that the lack of affection and intimacy is not about "you". And the men? I consider them both to be friends and great conversationalists. I hope they want to stay friends, but we shall see.
There we go. This posting will have been worth it if it helps one woman in a sexless marriage. Your self esteem might be in the tank, but you can reclaim it this way or in other ways. Just make sure that if you go the outsourcing route you do not bend over backwards to make things happen, the way you probably have been doing in your marriage.
Peace and Light,
EinEngel 46-50, F 153 Responses 117 Feb 11, 2013