50 Shades Of...... Frustration

I wish that my wife was one of the women who learned to explore and expand her sexuality by reading “50 Shades of Grey”.
I bought it for her over the summer hoping that it might awaken something in her and it’s still unwrapped in a draw.
Meanwhile it’s become a cultural phenomenon and she won’t even rip off the shrink wrap.
She is not the least bit interested.
Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink, can you?
It’s a shame, because I’m certain that there are tons of women out there who feel the exact same frustration from the other side.
That side being their husbands inability to be creative, playful and sexual.
Why is it that so many of us are mis-matched with our mates?
It’s a tragic irony, don’t you think?
Jackdaddy Jackdaddy
41-45, M
13 Responses Feb 11, 2013

I read the same series and have read many after that. I'm in a pretty much sexless marriage now. Yes we tried this and it was good but it lasted two times then nothing. I'm so over it. I don't even want his sex when he finally offers it every blue moon.

I read your comments and i am sad that there are so many people stuck in this problem. How to avoid it is my question?
did you have a high sexual energy at the beginning and then it disappeared? or was it never there to begin with and you were hoping it gets better with time?

It was there and then disappeared, which is very hard because you miss it and wonder what happened.

Great considerations that made me reflect!! Similar situations that almost happen everyday but from those I have learnt: the more I ask, the less I get..... the more I force, the less I achieve.. I wonder whether it is that also "tragic irony" .... I am still wondering...

50 Shades of Grey? 50 Shades of Shite more like! Writing that awful isn't even fit for vanity publishing, nevermind a real publishing company. And yeah, if I thought it would do one bit of good in my marriage I'd buy a copy for my refuser wife, but I know it'd be as insane as giving a programming manual to a dog and expecting results.

As for 50 Shades of Grey - the writing is so poor that even the steamiest material is kind of boring. Maybe your wife would be willing to see a sex therapist with you? They do really amazing work - just get you talking about it. I don't know your ages but you might start a conversation watching Hope Springs together. It's light and funny but also touches on some of the issues that a sexless marriage creates.

I am a woman married to a mad whose libido is low/undeveloped/geared toward men... who knows??? Some of us are just wired for more sex and it's really unfortunate when we marry a poor match. I have taken to affairs to keep from becoming really resentful and it works really well. I have no desire to end my marriage because we are great together in every way but I do not want to be celibate. I am attractive and fit and have had no trouble finding another partner when the urges overwhelmed. I am working on introducing the idea to my husband to see if he will just accept it as a coping strategy for keeping us harmonious and happy. Someday my sex drive will lessen and we will be a better match. Until then, I stray discreetly.

Well at least it's in a drawer! I tried the same thing, was quickly chastised for bringing **** into the family home and the book was burned. At least I didnt buy all three.

See...that is what upsets me. My husband has so many friends that live in a boring or lacking sex life with their spouses. I on the other hand am very sexual and experimental. I love sex!!!! So, you think he would be appreciative of how much sex he gets after 19 years of being together. No, he has to complain about EVERYTHING!!!!!! He is the best of the best and no one can do better then him. And when we talk about our sex life, he's like "you are very sexual, because I am that good" REALLY???? I came to this site hoping it would help my marriage, but it just seems to be encouraging me to leave! But in regards to your posting. Woman are not usually like me. I am able to block out the mental because I love sex as much as men. However, most woman are very mental when it comes to sex. Each of us is different, but we have to feel sexy to want to have sex. Giving her Fifty Shades of Grey could be suggesting to her that she is not adventurous in bed (which I hope you never told her). In order for a woman to feel like a goddess in the bed, you have to treat her like a goddess in life!! Trust me!! And by treating her like a Goddess I don't mean sexually. I mean romantically, emotionally. You are trying to encourage her through the mentality of a man (giving her a book to get her hot). You have think like a woman. Read "Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus." I think it would help you.

Very nice...I like the goddess analogy

50 shades of bacon scented candles. That's all.

Oh and by the way, the hero or whatever he was in 50 Shades was not playful or sexy. I thought he was some kind of confused, creepy caricature. I prefer men that can tell a joke , kiss me till my toes curl and is intent on making me feel wonderful.

50 Shades had nothing to do with sex anyone would actually do in most relationships. It has more to do with a creation of a sort of fantasy life. Men and women usually enjoy reading but not partaking in those activities.

I have to agree with Esjey. I have read middle school essays with more voice and less grammar mistakes. I found myself cringing at that horrible writing then looking for the next dirty part. Then I realized I probably could have written the DAMN book. I read enough erotica,**** etc.... in my sexless marriage to fill at least a dozen floor to ceiling shelves.

Two alternate responses for you.

#1 - there there, I agree it's terrible. Oh poor you, and me.

#2 - in all the stories in this group, I have never seen the purchase of a book result in one getting a root.
If you care to do a fair bit of reading here, you will find that there are assorted ways of moving dysfunctional marriages of top dead centre, all difficult, all painful, and as often as not, collapsing the marriage.
You could do worse than read - a lot - in here.

Take your pick which response you like.

Tread your own path.

But, Baz...that's not true. You read my wife's story. Certainly made a difference for us.

based on your wife's story, first is the interest in sex, then the book

I don't wish to be indelicate 1hotcouple, but I didn't personally believe your story. Still don't.

So, you have seen a story. You've just never seen a success story you can believe in. Oh, ye of little faith. Your pessimism shines through with your canned suggestion to see a lawyer for options. I'm here to suggest to some that there is hope. Whether you believe us or no  is of little interest to us. We are here for the ones who are still in love, lost their way, but still have hope and faith. We tread our own path which includes frequent mind blowing sex.

We are agreed on one thing at least. You have little interest in my position, and I likewise have little interest in yours.

On a positive note though, your approach likely has value in rejuvenating a jaded marriage.

Marriages appearing on these pages do not fit that category usually. I re-invite you, as I have done before, to go back over the last 20 stories and find me one.

2 More Responses

I've read the trilogy, my wife, who reads lots, has no interest in reading it, same old