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I Am An Idiot, Aka EX Talks Of Moving Out!!!

So we went to a doc appointment this morning, he asked me to accompany him, I was real tired & grumpy but went along, lots to do today...he wanted me to tell the doc how bad it was getting, so I did. He really is deteriorating.

At the end, at home, he said "I'm thinking of moving out April 1, I want to be able to move out while I still can experience independent living".

Instead of saying "yes, let me pack your bags!" I said "ok, but it would be helpful to me if you waited until May 1, when I'm out of school, or even wait until the kids are out of school at end of June, plus you might get a cheaper sublet"...

WTF is WRONG WITH ME????? I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET HIM OUT!!!!

I just know I'm going to be on the hook for sh*t and I don't want to deal with it while I'm still in school, but I do want him out!!!!

Anyways I realized what I was saying and so at the end said "or go with your gut, April 1 is fine with me".

i also pointed out that there would be child support, he said he was always intending to pay child support... maybe it's going my way, finally?

I'm just really really tired, lonely I guess, and in transition - for years - and soon I'll REALLY be moving on, and it's a little scary... but I think it'll work out... I applied to a job near THIS house, if he moves out and I get a job here (if the Europe thing doesn't work), maybe it'll work out???
zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 6 Responses Feb 12, 2013

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Don't beat yourself up! You are on your way, and I'm happy for you. Just rent a giant dumpster and haul his **** away as soon as he leaves.

Don't worry about your response. Who knows where that came from. You were caught flat footed for a sec. He's willing to move out; the date doesn't matter. You will be free and can as you say move on.

<p>Yeah well, you could have played that scenario better, particularly after the email caper where the date was suppossed to ne March 1 (as I recall). Anyway, that's done. Now, by your own hand, you may have prolonged his tenure until the end of June.</p><p>If I were you I think I would develop a case of convenient amnesia about that conversation, and act like it never happened.</p><p>I figure that by now you have that legal advice concerning getting him out, the chances of moving the kids out of the jurisdiction etc ? That's the context all your planning will have to fit inside.</p><p>Tread your own path.</p>

March 1 was to clean up his crap, not to move out. i kinda figured he'd hang around until I forced his hand, which I figured would be in the summer when I moved out...

But am happy if it's sooner!

As for the lawyer, thank you fro reminding me. The Family SErvices people have yet to return my call, and I think tomorrow I shall call them again, and if that doesn't yield results, I shall start calling random lawyers...

Um, does this mean he wants to move out and LEAVE ALL OF HIS HOARDING CRAP BEHIND FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH? I would hope that the two of you clarify this point before any plans are made. [sorry for shouting, my sentiment is strong, and decided not to modulate my voice.]

that was sort of my first thought right after ooh thank gods he wants to move out. then it was OMG what if he leaves his mess for zsu?!?!?

This is kinda why I want him to do it May 1 or later - AFTER my exams, dammit!!! I am seriously EXPECTING a mess...

Then why not get your grad student who has helped in the past to sell everything on ebay, dispose of the rest, and pay her with a percentage of the take?

We need to outsource our emotional issues when we can; this menial task is best shunted over to an individual who will get it done, and take this part of the stress off of your mind.

good idea

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Not an idiot Zsu. This is good news. You expected the whole separation thing to be much more difficult, didn't you?

Yes. I hope he sticks to this...

Don't beat your self up, you are just being realistic.

You should have told him to "experience independent living" starting now....

love that idea!

You need to come visit my home so you can make these snappy comebacks for me!!!

trust me they don't work, if they did my basement would be spotless.