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An Excellent Marriage

My wife saw a new doctor today, and reports:

Doctor: are you married?
Wife: yes
Doctor: everything okay?
Wife: yes, we have an excellent marriage, over 30 years

Now would this be an excellent sexless marriage or a sexless excellent marriage?
something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 12 Responses Feb 12, 2013

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Wait! It is an excellent marriage and SEX HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!

Solution: stop all IT related issues - no phone, no emails , no beaches, no tv ... avoid sugar, alcohol and nicotine .. Try it for a month .. Try anything that is not attractive around your 7x9 cubicles of anything for entertainment !

Doctors - so many clueless people.

Like the ones that kept asking me if everything was normal. But if I don't know what normal is, all I can say is everything is the same. Then I do Internet research and find out that what has always been the same for me isn't normal at all! So then I ask the doctor to run some tests, which they think are pointless, of course. But they run them. And guess what? I'm not normal and never have been. I've had several (not life threatening) conditions that I need to address to make my life better. And now life is better in that regard.

If only doctors asked questions that would elicit meaningful responses. The doctors really need to ask, "How does your partner feel about your marriage? And how do you feel about it?" Or perhaps, "Are you having sexual relations with your spouse somewhere between once and one hundred times per month?"

Sexless excellent marriage ... ( at least to her ).

It took me thirty eight years to figure out that for my wife, sex was just something you tolerated to be married and avoided as much as possible. She loves the other things: kids, joint incomes, companionship, snuggling, romantic dinners, Valentines day cards and candy, someone to fix things, someone to criticize, and all the other things that go with a "happy" marriage -- just not the sex. So for her, it is/was an excellent marriage.

Looking back, I feel so stupid.

She prepared to lie to her doctor about something like that. Now there's a real surprise. People are prepared to lie to their doctors even if doing so ends up killing them.

She doesn't really want to talk to you about your sex life or the lack of it, so why would she talk to a mere doctor about it?

In the end of the day, it's just tantamount to saying to him/her, "If you are thinking of asking any further, don't".

In the end of the day, you didn't even raise your eyebrows, did you?

Oh snap.

She has an excellent marriage. Full stop. What you have is completely different...and obviously does not bother her....at all...

Well, when my Dr asked how my marriage was and I burst into tears, I think he just about fainted. He got more than he bargained for for sure.
Did you say something to her about that? Sounds like an opportunity to discuss.

a prerequisite for discussion would be the ability for the two of us to communicate, but I guess that would be a perfect marriage

a letter?? Hey, great Valentines day card... hey honey, glad to hear we have the perfect marriage... what is that? Like the perfect storm? No thanks, but could we please have some sex from time to time? OH, Happy Valentines day...
Or Roses are Red, Violets are blue, a perfect marriage would include sex I think, don't you?
Sigh... anyways, letters help me start a discussion.

Substitute "I" for "we", and there you have it. Her attitude encapsulated.

And as ever, you didn't get a vote.

Tread your own path.

Incidently, I was thinking at work today as I drove around the rural boondocks, that ILIASM acronym really ought stand for "I Live In A Shithole Marriage".

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Too right

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Well, she's a happy camper...you?

I have found that camping in the desert doesn't work long term (burning man is okay for a week), and I will pitch my tent elsewhere

Hopefully with someone who just loves to see a pitched tent...

Maybe she thinks marriage is like fine wine, in that you have to store it on a shelf for decades before it's ready to sample? Interesting that she mentions the duration of the marriage as her criteria for answering the question "everything ok"!

you'd think someone might say: "oh yes, we get along really well, we're both healthy, thank you for asking!", as that might actually answer the doctor's question (mental, physical health of marriage)...