I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Update #97

By: 88ElmiraSt

Written on February 12th, 2013

So I get this letter from my wife's attorney (where she got $6000 to hire a divorce mill law firm I have no idea) saying please send them 6 months of financial records so they can begin drafting a separation agreement. Otherwise they will assume I am not interested in an amicable separation and they will advise her to file a lawsuit (of unspecified nature).

So I am supposed find ten thousand dollars, get my records together, and procure representation, in two weeks.

The word "********" comes to mind.

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By: 88ElmiraSt

Age: 46-50 , Male

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13 responses

Warriorpoett

She may not have got $6000 to hire the lawyer she may have told them you would be paying for the divorce. So you could be getting the bill for the whole affair. Mediation is where the smart money goes but you would be advised to contact her lawyer and find out exactly what is going on because there could be landmines awaiting you there that you don't even know about yet. If you are going to be paying for all this minimize your exposure and go as cheap as you can get by with. No reason to end up paying two lawyers to crucify you.

Feb 24
3 likes
flyingstone

Go for a dissolution of marriage, where you can either use one lawyer or no lawyer. You can obtain the divorce papers from the court house. Tell her the only people who really make out in a divorce like this are the lawyers. If there is a slim chance she will listen then go for it. Look up dissolution of marriage. I have my fingers crossed.

Feb 24
1 like
- 88ElmiraSt
  Do you think you should have a legally binding separation agreement? That's where the lawyers would come in in even an amicable separtion.
  
  Feb 24
  1 like
- flyingstone
  I think you should go right for the divorce. Divide things up now. Why pay the lawyers for every legal action. They will drain the two of you dry.
  
  Feb 24
  1 like
smithy8015

88, don't know what jurisdiction you're in, but suspect its similar to mine based on your projected costs.
in mine, whether your spouse lawyers up or not, you can move to mediation at any time. suggest you mention to wifey that you can both send a hunk of $$ you neither have this way, or agree to the smartest solution of mediation, and if she refuses to discuss, call her atty & suggest to them.
in any event, a call to her atty requesting mediation will buy you (limited) time, and (if she flat out refuses to consider it), cast a less than favourable light on her & her reasonableness (ha!) in her own atty's mind.
worth considering?

Feb 13
4 likes
- 88ElmiraSt
  Yes, thanks. I am assuming wife wouldn't agree to change course since she invested in this course, but that may be wrong.
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
bazzar

Would you not have all the records etc from when YOU engaged YOUR lawyer ??
And what is the $10G all about ??
Tread your own path.

Feb 13
1 like
- 88ElmiraSt
  I only had one consultation with an attorney, more for information than to have him begin representing me. Property, alimony, timing, even dating, just lots of questions. For him to draw up a separation agreement just in itself could easily cost $5000. At $315/hr, it would not be a surprise if the cost of everything approached five figures. That's not atypical for a situation where lawyers are involved. Mediation is cheaper, but she is already lawyered up. I should have suggested mediation long abo. This was a surprise move. She is insane and plays helpless, but she is quite capable of taking care of things, when she's not having an emotional meltdown.
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
- bazzar
  I guess it's of no comfort now, but live and learn eh.
  In dysfunctional marriages it is the spouse who has the do-able exit strategy who holds all the cards.
  Incidently, what is your whack out of the split up likely to be ? If you look at your lawyer cost against that, and more particularly a percentage of that, it might not hurt as much.
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
- 88ElmiraSt
  Well there is property like the house and assets like the 401k, and lots of debt on the other hand. I don't even know how you divide all that up. Everything is 50/50, but there will be negotiation because we have to be spending $300/ hr on something.
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
oceansun

Phew and good thing you took the "easy way out", sorry to hear.

Counter sue, works in the movies.........Yes you are royally "felletshed"

Feb 12
1 like
- 88ElmiraSt
  I hate to appear not to be acting in good faith, but they can't think I will dance on cue. PA? OMG No!!! LOL. I don't even know what this lawsuit will be. If it is about property, it would be best handled in small claims court LOL.
  She said the letter would be arriving and for me to get it from the mailbox because she doesn't want to look at it. She set this in motion and doesn't want to deal with it. Funny, she doesn't want a divorce and she made the first move. At least there won't be any leg clinging. God some of the stories about controllers and parasites who won't let go make me cringe.
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
hylierandom

:(

Feb 12
1 like

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