In Limbo & Lonesome

we lived together but sex was never great or enough he had all kinds of excuses. But at least then we had sex.

He never kisses me like a man kisses a woman he will give me a smack like you would kiss a grandmother. been married 11 years and no sex NONE.

He has blamed me and others for his not wanting sex. He has no physical issues he can get an erection but says he dont want to use it. I have been told he is not into me that no one would want me and that i am a useless dried up old woman.

then he renigs on what he says. we think he may be bi polar. he can be nice for long periods of time and then have a flair up. Bi polar runs in his family. He works works works and is possessive and controlling of me only me. but he dont want me.

I am lonely and isolated in this. for the longest time I blammed myself I must be ulgy and undesirable like he says. But his uncle filled me in on the bi polar and what was going on. I had thought it was my fault all these years and the mood swings.

I am trying to do what god wants us to do and the sickness and in health. But I am sooo lonesome and you can not imagine what its like. id die if a man kissed me its been soooo long. so long to have someone touch me. he will if some one else is around try to show ownership but that is for show only.

women are not supposed to talk or say things or express... but they do have the same exact desires and needs men do.

it is soo hard.. I have only been temped once and real bad tempted luckily the person was not available and they dont like me that way anyway. when you are told some of the things he says to me when he is in his mean mode you get to feel that no one would ever want you and not having sex in eleven years its really hard and welll its hard to explain.

he can be nice nice nice then if things dont go his way then it can turn into a week long all nite and day epizode

I feellucky I have only been temped once. if that guy would have liked me omg I would have been in all kinds of trouble. thankfully I have been able to keep him as a friend. I hate to loose freinds.

I am trying to do what god comanded to do but it is getting harder and harder and now i know its not my fault that he is sick its reallly much harder now I try to keep  busy and hope that works

I asked him if he were gay if he had another.

its like lving wiht a room mate

they have their life and you are to stay home and be their door matt

I have gotten into a hobby I used to do before so I am hoping that will help. its so hard and like today I day dream about what it would be like just to be kissed let alone sex

but women are not allowed to express these things but men are and that is not fair either.

I dont know how long I can hold up in this marriage but I am trying to do the right thing but its like I got the call of the wild ... sure glad no one knows who I am

I dont even know if I love this person anymore they have done so many mean things to me and shut me out except to cook and do most all the work here

its just complicated

I am in limbo with his ups and downs

never know what to expect or feel

numb mostly

lonesome very lonesome but married cant do anything about that

Limbo Limbo
41-45, F
6 Responses May 29, 2007

i was big time tempted . i guess i was out of it too long . couldn't read the body language . hope things have improved for you .

This phase come sooner or later..Yeah not for everybody but for most....Apart from mental needs, physical needs too needs to be taken care of but alas, not everybody understands.

11 years huh............God must have changed his number

I'm a man who has a lady who simply switched off on sex.....then I read up a lot on 'Narcissistic Perversion'......have a look and you'll suddenly be so surprised at what you'll find......I have a female version of your male partner!
But if you pull away,remember that you'll remain take time to heal!

Don't let all the bad feelings combine into one big mess! Bust 'em up into pieces... are any of them real or justified? It sure doesn't sound like it. You shouldn't blame yourself for things you can't control. Isn't he willing to even try to give you what you deserve?

Limbo, this is a terrible story and I can relate as I posted the one right before yours. You don't say your age but I doubt that you are a dried up old woman. This man sounds like a passive agressive type that is controlling you by withholding affection, working excessively and then probably controlling you financially as well. You will only descend into a hell of self annihilation the longer you stay in this situation. Your self esteem will be shot if it isn't already and then what will you have? I think you should seek out counseling for yourself to find out why you would accept to be treated this way. I sense that your husband would never agree to go to counseling, although I guess you could ask. Anyway, remember that you need to place yourself first. No-one can truly be a loving person or partner if they aren't functioning from a position of strength. This is not selfishness. It is even Biblically mandated. I hope you can find the way to a better and happier life, I really do. Because every bit of advice I am giving to you I am trying to give to myself as well. This is a good place to talk things welcome, and god bless...