A Lot Of Time On His Hands

.u.need.peace.of.no.more.doubts..at.all.ask.him..why.what.how.where.who.the.truth.anything.less.is.not.good.enough.--1.an.affair..fetish.for.cams.sex.casual.sex.with.differrent.partners.-addicted.to.socail.media.common..rehab.needed.yoga.etc.methods.get.it.all.in.the.open..asap.this.crap.has.gone.on.long.enough.ok.jj

My husband also did what yours has done and also lied about it. I tried talking, pleading and leaving him (as a shock tactic) but it never changed anything. I also found secret e-mail accounts and realised he was sexting someone (or more than one). The emotional betrayl was devastating never mind any actual physical betrayal.
If he cannot be honest with you about why he's doing this you will never have peace of mind and the rest of your life will be a lie. You'll end up hating yourself more than him because once you know about it and accept it, you're implicit in his deceit.
It's a bitter pill to swallow and only you know how much this affects your emotional well being, but my own experience left me feeling demoralised, demeaned and devalued.
If he really loved you he wouldn't be doing it and he would explain why so that you could explore ways of moving past it.
People who really love and respect their partners don't dishonour them. They face problems head on - together.
Like others who have commented, I don't think you should reproach yourself for 'snooping' and do think you should consider an exit plan. How would he react (and feel) if the boot was on the other foot?
Save yourself while you can and remember this is NOT about you it's about him and how he sees himself. Sad isn't it? When men do this they not only throw away relationships, they throw away the chance of real self growth and emotional maturity. I hope you make the right decision for you and carve out a future that ensures you retain your self respect. Good luck.

My husband also did what yours has done and also lied about it. I tried talking, pleading and leaving him (as a shock tactic) but it never changed anything. I also found secret e-mail accounts and realised he was sexting someone (or more than one). The emotional betrayl was devastating never mind any actual physical betrayal.
If he cannot be honest with you about why he's doing this you will never have peace of mind and the rest of your life will be a lie. You'll end up hating yourself more than him because once you know about it and accept it, you're implicit in his deceit.
It's a bitter pill to swallow and only you know how much this affects your emotional well being, but my own experience left me feeling demoralised, demeaned and devalued.
If he really loved you he wouldn't be doing it and he would explain why so that you could explore ways of moving past it.
People who really love and respect their partners don't dishonour them. They face problems head on - together.
Like others who have commented, I don't think you should reproach yourself for 'snooping' and do think you should consider an exit plan. How would he react (and feel) if the boot was on the other foot?
Save yourself while you can and remember this is NOT about you it's about him and how he sees himself. Sad isn't it? When men do this they not only throw away relationships, they throw away the chance of real self growth and emotional maturity. I hope you make the right decision for you and carve out a future that ensures you retain your self respect. Good luck.

Assuming your husband is the refuser in your relationship, then my advice from a male perspective is that you should confront him and ask him to explain himself. This will either end with you agreeing some form of marriage counselling or reconciliation. Or if he is just unwilling to entertain change, then frankly you are probably best off without him.

I just saw this. To be in a situation where you identify with this experience (ILIASM) and then to be confronted with the information of his activity is especially betraying. You have my sympathies and encouragement to exit ASAP. These people (Refusers) do not deserve us much less our efforts to "keep the marriage alive". If he has not been in fact physically unfaithful he has been in not seeing to your needs. Infidelity cuts both ways, commission or omission.

It's not your fault....he's just addicted to that stuff. It's like being an alchoholic....sometimes they really dont want to get drunk but cant stop themselves. I think he still loves you, wants to be with you, but just can't control his bad addictive habit. I don't know how you can help...do you guys have sex regularly? May be try to care for his sexual needs more....? since he seems kinda addicted to sex?....May be you can ask him why he needs a webcam...

PinkAngel: I have nothing to comment on your case - out of my experience and knowledge! - but just really want to give you big big ((((Hugs)))) and wish you go through this with the least depression. From what we have exchanged before, I believe that you are preparing a well informed exit plan (professional degree, better job, savings, seeing the lawyer, etc.). I wish you all the best and stay strong.

I so know your pain! :( I would love to chat with you. I could have written the same story, but frankly his continuous drama wears me out ! I've spent soooo much energy trying to change it, fix it, and understand it but I can't and I won't ever understand how someone can be sooo fake that they pretend everything is great; that they love you and want you for their mate. Truthfully, I'm thankful I don't understand! Now, I'm directing my thoughts to how to get out and get out for good! That will be no easy feat I can tell you that. Breaking away from this man is thee hardest thing I've ever been thru in my life!!!!!!!!! I've never been with someone who could care less that I don't want him. Someone who will stay even though I've said terrible mean things to him and thrown him out 50 times! He just stays gone long enough to get his ego stroked and his d### sucked by someone and then he's back telling me how he'll never give up, how he loves me and everything about me, how he could never live with out me. Don't feel bad tho hun, if you hold on with hopes that it will change. Don't doubt yourself, when other shake their heads with disbelief, or say things like, "You must like it." or "Why would you want to stay?!" I know that you don't like this or get off on being treated like your less than what you are. This does NOT MEAN there is something WRONG with you!! If people knew how damaging it is to say things like that when we already feel that we are somehow not good enough. Don't let those words question your belief in yourself. Don't let others self rightousness add to pool of self doubt! But, DO KNOW this hun...if you need someone to help you plan a safe way out, I am here. HUGS!!

I understand your intense curiosity to find the truth. Some may simply respond with a quick "pack up and leave" but it isn't so easy when you are in a fog of deceptions that you never knew existed. In your situation, I would want to find as much info as I could so I could find the truth. I would love to have a name list of these 'secret' dating sites for married men so I could keep an eye out. I appreciated the ones you shared in your posted story. I think it is a good idea to keep your eyes open, don't believe anything he says, take care of you, be safe and start building an exit plan. Keep a date journal so you can compare his descriptions with your own fact checking.

"It's like he has no intention of physically leaving but is exploring every affair option. "

I'm sure he has a reason to stay with you and seek sex elsewhere - or many reasons. Could be he's addicted to ****, and cannot get it up with a real person. Could be he doesn't want to leave for financial reasons - either because you bring in money, or he would lose money in the divorce. Could be he likes having a nanny and housekeeper on call 24/7. Could be he's a passive-aggressive a**hole who likes to torture you for fun.

Who cares why? Look at his actions. He's completely disrespected you and your marriage. The question isn't why he's doing what he's doing - it's why don't you have the respect to get the h*ll away from this a**hole?

Oh, I'd be printing ALL OF THAT CRAP and taking it straight to my lawyer. Seriously, now, with all you did find, you have to assume there is more to find. I would pretty well guarantee he has slept with someone else. If he still having sex with you, please go see your gyno for STD screening. God knows what he could have brought home to you.

Last time out I suggested that your marriage - based on the details available then - was a dysfunctional shithole.

You have just added exhibit #202 to the pile of evidence.

As far as snooping further, it is hard to see what the pay off for the effort involved would be. You sure as hell are NOT going to find any evidence of a positive nature, just more bad. Might be time to direct your efforts toward YOU and what is in your longer term best interests. There is no "we" in your dynamic. And devoting any more effort toward him doesn't really have any upside (that I can see anyway).

This is likely way too early for where your head is at - but when you are ready, go and see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to see how a divorce would shake out for you. You need an alternative to staying in this shithole, and alternatives don't fall out of the sky, you have to construct them. Legal advice provides the foundation for the construction.

Sorry to hear about this development. Must be quite the slap in the face.

Tread your own path.