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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

How Iliasm Will Get Me Sex

By: something2talkabout
Written on February 14th, 2013
It turns out that ILIASM may rejuvenate our sex life. How?

First, it's not what you would expect. I didn't find a strategy on ILIASM that magically worked, such as giving a particular book to my wife that turned her into a nypho. The working on Me projects didn't turn me into an alpha male (well, not just yet) resulting in me being irresistible to my wife. My wearing an ILIASM t-shirt around the house (nice logo btw) didn't get my wife to notice there might be something up (though maybe I should wear more than just the t-shirt).

No, it was reading stories on ILIASM and typing away, only to quickly close the browser window when my wife walked by. Now that got her concerned, perhaps the prisoner was digging a tunnel, could an escape be possible? Man the guard towers! (okay, woman the guard towers)

This morning, she said Happy Valentine's Day, maybe I will try to give you a hj tonight. Now I know some of you will have questions at this point.

First, young folks will ask, HJ, is that all I have to look forward to later in life?
Sadly the answer is yes, but there are happy endings.

Second, some will notice, maybe I will TRY, really?
Understand you can't go from claiming something is physically impossible for a few years, and then reveal it was fake. Hence you need to try.

Third, some of you will notice, MAYBE I will try, really?
Yes, this offer can be withdrawn at any time, but that is the power of hope, to dangle (okay bad choice of words) a hj.

I'll keep you posted as things happen. Okay, maybe not just as things happen. Now where is the shovel, I've got to keep digging.
By: something2talkabout
Age: 51-55 , Male
169 people have read this story

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17 responses
  • ulae
    ulae

    "she said Happy Valentine's Day, maybe I will try to give you a hj tonight" --- What the hell? Is she that sex-crazed? Can't she think of anything else but sex and handjobs? Whatever happened to pure-as-driven-snow romance? --- would have been your ideal response.

    Feb 15
    1 like
    • something2talkabout
      something2talkabout

      I too thought it was the romance, I never knew what the "do you take this hand" in weddings was asking.

      Feb 15
      1 like
  • sojourner999
    sojourner999

    Screw the hand jobs! Like many males here, i've been giving myself handjobs since the onset of puberty. Bring something real to the table!

    Feb 14
    1 like
  • something2talkabout
    something2talkabout

    Breaking news: sadly, to the complete non-surprise of ILIASM, she just told me that she can't do it tonight, and asked if I had been looking forward to it. I certainly would not have been looking forward to it if it had involved a half pike or Santa.

    Feb 14
    2 likes
    • zsuzsilowinger
      zsuzsilowinger

      All that "trying" really tired her out, huh.

      Esjey, i'm gonna need that "world's tiniest violin" back for S2TA's spouse here...

      Feb 14
      1 like
    • something2talkabout
      something2talkabout

      I like "sad Chinese violin from New York subway" from SNL's great Tech Talk sketch (Applegate host)

      Feb 14
      1 like
    • bazzar
      bazzar

      The tape measure was superfluous to needs then.

      Feb 15
      1 like
  • zsuzsilowinger
    zsuzsilowinger

    Did you mention you already have two hands, you're in need of something a little more exclusive?

    Feb 14
    1 like
  • hylierandom
    hylierandom

    " My wearing an ILIASM t-shirt around the house (nice logo btw) didn't get my wife to notice there might be something up (though maybe I should wear more than just the t-shirt)."
    ...I imagine walking around with just a shirt on would make 'something up' noticeable...
    ...I kid, but I'm sorry you have to beg for a *******.

    Feb 14
    1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    Presumably - given the level of 'trying' that has to take place - she has some masterful technique involving a reverse double overlock grip with half pike and twist that requires great preparation and mental strength to perfect. It certainly sounds like it is going to be well worth the wait. Keep a tape measure handy so you can report how far you propelled your bursts of ***.

    Tread your own path.

    Feb 14
    5 likes
    • MissLee
      MissLee

      omg. lol

      Feb 14
      1 like
    • smithy8015
      smithy8015

      as ever you had me burst out laughing. singularly inappropriate on very early morning mass transit where it's dark & quiet but for the occasional snores of fellow passengers.

      thanks for the laugh.

      Feb 15
      1 like
  • enna30
    enna30

    Ya really gotta give this BRAVE woman credit! She is valiantly trying to address her serious and fatal anti-sex condition by trying to think about possibly (maybe, just maybe) trying to give you a (theoretical) head job.

    Now that's what I call "purple heart" stuff - gonna think about trying to maybe . . .um! where was this going??!!

    PS! Good luck! Hope she had a MIRACULOUS recovery and you scored!!

    Feb 14
    1 like
    • something2talkabout
      something2talkabout

      sorry, not a bj which would take too many miracles, but a hand j

      Feb 14
      1 like
    • enna30
      enna30

      Shucks - sorry! My bad! Hope you get lucky anyway!!

      Feb 14
      1 like
  • pamelamc
    pamelamc

    Good luck! Hope tonight goes well for you.

    Feb 14
    2 likes
  • cheleshere
    cheleshere

    Well I'm not certain that was meant to be funny (the subject isn't of course) but I found your viewpoint and writing style amusing...will wait for the update. In the meantime I sincerely hope, as I'm sure you do , that you get what you want for valentine's day, and if not, I hope you don't develop blisters digging, else the "h" in your request will become a disability whilst you tend to things yourself. Good luck with that anyway.

    Feb 14
    3 likes