Turned Back And Cold Bed

I lasted a lil over 8 years in a sexless marriage...
it sucked the life out of me...
first, the deep rejection i felt...
didn't matter how many times he said
"its not you"...
Our sensual/sexual lives dwindled to no touch...
the last to go was holding hands as we fell asleep.
Just like an infant will die without touch,
so did I.......taking lil pieces of me and tucking them away...
til nothing was left....
Sweetie, guard your heart and soul...
nurture yourself, be very kind and compassionate with your heart
something very essential and life giving has died....
you are supposed to grieve, feel disoriented, and a bit lost...
you've been forced into a place of celibacy, with no choice...
May you find your way...
joyinthejourney, clg

I've only been married for less than 3 years. Been together for 7. Same old story, in the beginning couldn't get enough of each other. I couldn't believe I found some one who knew what a clitoris is and how to please me. He couldn't believe he found some one who enjoyed sex and wanted to please him. We had GREAT SEX. Now, obligatory, just to make sure there is an ******, then done. No foreplay, and by that I mean kissing, stroking, touching. My husband thinks foreplay is diving beneath the covers and sucking my ****. With nothing before. No passion. I'd rather go without. My two fingers give me more satisfaction. This is why I am a wife who really doesn't care about sex. Because it turned into sex, not intimacy. I am begging for sex these days, but I really don't care because it means nothing but someone coming as quickly as possible so we can be done and say we had sex.

Whacking off to internet stimuli is one solution to your circumstance.

All any solution has to do is work. And, if it is working for you, that's great.

Thing is, that all solutions have a shelf life. The time will come where it doesn't work any more, and a new solution will have to be developed and trialled for usefulness.

It is best to start working out you 'next' solution now, so you have it ready to go when this one runs out of ***** - I mean 'steam'.

Tread your own path.

I'll offer a different perspective, not that I am unsympathetic.

Another way of looking at it is that a lot of other people would give their left hand for a thirty year run.

Maybe it is presumptuous on your part to assume that it should just continue as it has always been. On the other hand it is presumptuous of your wife to assume that to declare unilateral independence on the sex front is acceptable and normal. That sort of two-way process is usually labelled as estrangement.

Taking anyone or anything for granted should be declared a human rights violation.

Yes, I can definitely agree with some of the other posts. I am 60 years old, married for 36 years and have most, if not more, of the same experiences with my wife. She is basically asexual, and if I was honest with myself, has not really been interested in sex for most of our marriage. In the first few years it might have meant something to her, but I feel it was mostly tolerated so that she could have a child. We did have one daughter, but, after that her interest has waned dramatically to an almost non-existent level. There was a book written a few years ago entitled, "Love Languages". The author describes all the ways that people exhibit their love for others. Some people, as is the case with most men, need emotional and physical enrichment....both in the giving and receiving of it. But, some women just don't demonstrate their feelings in that way. In the case of my wife, she shows her affection by the giving of material things and enabling me to go on interesting trips by contributing financially. She has always worked and would give me her last dime, generous to a fault. She has always been moderately overweight and I think this has contributed to her low self esteem and her unwillingness to perceive herself as a sexual entity. I believe she feels that she is not sexually attractive and therefore, not good enough for me. So, she has given up on trying to be. She is a victim of her own self image and I too am victimized as a result. I am trying very hard to find a compromise so that I can attain some level of intimacy. At my age, I am very lonely in this relationship, and I am almost at the point where I will accept whatever little crumb of affection that she has left to give. If I try to push for sexual satisfaction, it causes an argument that distances us from each other for days on end. So, I reluctantly have given up on a fulfilling, passionate relationship in my life. I stay with her because it is too late in life to seek an alternative. There are too many other people who would be affected if I tried to leave her now. And, there are too many other financial and security considerations for both of us. In this economy, it takes two people pooling their resources to have any chance of getting by with any degree of comfort. So, I guess I will just try to find some other avenues to distract myself and find a little fulfillment. I know this probably doesn't give you any answers, but, at least you can see that you are not alone in your dilemma.

Thanks for sharing your story. I suggest you read various other stories here and see what might be best for you, how to discussing things with your wife, and post another story when you have questions. In regards to the net, for me it didn't replace very well, I tried second life (animated, pretend), **** (visual, pretend), video **** (visual, pretend), everything was non-physical, non-intimate, pretend, and often badly made. However since some get addicted to **** it must be effective as a replacement for others.

You are in the right place. The guys here all seem to have married your wife. At least for me, it's like WTF happened?