Stupid Gift...

oh dear....if id got that grom my kids id of been made up.....but off hubby....no wonder u not happy. if id of told my hubby i didnt like it he would of reacted the same way. my hubby has out of the blue....after 22 yrs started buying me underwear!! he means well....but i hate some of the stuff he buys...and it rarely fits!!!!

he set it up to be that way, he no more wanted to enjoy v day then the moon does. he set it up so he could go off on you and make v day the opposite of what the day should of been. he knew what he was doing!

One thing about living in a sexless marriage, you don't have to give them a present, valentines or birthday.

I got a valentines day text. Nothing else. I got up at 6am and made bread pudding from scratch.

I understand your feelings. Sounds like my ex who would go to the store and just pick up any old thing in order to fulfill his "obligation". I hate it when people do things out of obligation and not because they really care. It would make me feel humiliated instead of happy.

a woman not appreciating a hello kitty tshirt is not worth to be called such! >:(

In my twenty years married. I have never received any kind of gift for anything good or bad. I would have been happy with anything.....

My ex was the queen of stupid gifts and would buy the most bizarre things with the expectation that everyone would appreciate anything that she gave to either me or the kids. One Christmas my son wanted an inflatable survival suit because he does a lot of ice fishing. I told my ex and she said that she'd take care of it. Come Xmas day, everyone in the family got digital picture frames. My son had a meltdown and my ex and I had a spirited discussion, so the next day I went out and bought the survival suit. The picture frames were added to the pile in the basement closet that the kids and I named "The closet of useless crap".

Another Xmas she told me that my then-14 year old daughter wanted this huge dollhouse, so I bought it from the distributor, who was a client of mine at the time, and spent all Xmas eve putting it together. Some Christmas morning, she saw it, blinked a couple of times, and said, "what the **** do I want this for?" My wife's response was to create major drama about how thankless my daughter was---then she said, "okay, I'll give it to Mum. She's never had a dollhouse before". Something every 70+ year old woman really needs. All of a sudden the shoe dropped and I realized that in most cases she was buying stuff that she knew we didn't want, but would have ultimately fulfilled her obligation to give us something, and with the real intention of actually giving most of it to her family.

It's sad how what should be such happy occassions can be ruined by such behaviour, especially if no reasoning as to what prompted the choice is given.

You live in a sexless marriage. What else is missing? Do you miss the sex? Was your sex life ever good? Which of you got fed up with sex? Have either of you gone elsewhere for sex?

I'm a little confused. You say you wish he'd put "more thought" into the gift he bought you, then you mention the most cliched, obvious things like a card, flowers - things that guys buy for women without ever having to engage their brains. Sometimes flowers are bought sincerely, but often they're the gift men buy when they can't be bothered to think of anything more original. As for cards, they're only worth as much as the thoughts written inside.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that your partner DID put thought into the "thoughtless and stupid" gifts he bought you.There was a message there - something about rediscovering the pleasures of youth, or whatever. These are not things you buy for a 51-year-old woman unless you have a reason to. Perhaps you should ask?

I've been there. Im 43 we've been 26 years married its been like five years I dnt get anything. What I got this year was his lunch phonecall if his lunch was ready because he was starving. Its been a while no birthday, anniversary, Christmas. Or valentine

"MissLee: But I bet the sex was good!"
Oh ****, why didn't I think of that????
Good one like 100

I agree with you. What a dumb gift! My husband and your husband should be friends! My husband never knows what to get me. I have to tell him what to get me he doesn't know, or even try! We've been married 15 yrs. ANNOYING!

So what did you get him? ....if the answer is nothing you have no right to complain

Some don't have loved ones to give them stupid gifts. I think you are very lucky.

My husband still thinks its ok to buy me beer for Valentine's day. I feel ya on the stupid gift part.

There are some interesting comments here. Just my two cents - I do believe that its the thought that counts - yes, that your spouse or lover is thinking of you. More often than not, the gift is a reflection of how much and to what depth that thought was.

There were definitely some defensive comments in support of the tasteless gift the OP's spouse bought her. Perhaps it may be a good thing to reflect on why there is such defensiveness.

Gift giving does require suitable thought and understanding of the recipient. If one has not bothered to get to know someone in the course of their marriage or has really placed only the most superficial of effort into getting a gift out of a sense of obligation, not once or twice but just about at every celebratory event from Valentine's to Christmas, then the phrase "Its the thought that counts" is a shield and an excuse for thoughtlessness .

Given that the OP has indicated that this is a recurring behavior, IMO she has every right to feel upset and angry. The difference here is that this time she did not let her spouse get away with it and called him on his lack of consideration, for his habit of serving up s.h.i.t and expecting her to say 'Thank you so much".

E in Hope, I feel your pain. I'm so sorry you had that experience, and I can totally relate. Was that the first time he's ever done the lame gift thing? After 24 years probably not, and if you're like me you have explained countless times, the things you like and dislike only to have it go in one ear and out the other. Gift giving is a real handicap and hassle for men, especially when they're under pressure from us, and let's face it, most probably feel lots of pressure. The first oops gift I ever got from my h was at Christmas just before we got married close to 30 years ago. He gave me a beautiful silk, peach colored, strappy and sheer MATERNITY/NURSING GOWN, and no I was not PG!! He almost nailed it, but not quite. After a few more failed attempts at buying gifts for me he finally said to buy whatever I want, and so I do and I have put together a very nice jewelry collection over the years. Every time I get complemented on a piece, I say "oh, my h gave me that..." and it feels authentic, lol. This year for v day we were in a bookstore and he walked me over to the greeting cards and selected a pretty one with a nice sentiment and handed it to me, asked me if I liked it, I said yes, he said happy V day then put it back on the rack and said no need to buy it because it's the thought that matters.. . We'd played this little game before, the first time i thought it was so lame that it was actually hilarious, so we had a good laugh, again. I guess you could say I've let him off the hook about gifts. No Sex is enough to be miserable about, lol. Hope this helped to cheer you! You're not alone!

honnesty is the best, you took it I'd give back on spot and true some react to it

My thought, (though I would have felt the same as you) if he got upset with your response to his gift, did you ever consider maybe, just maybe the gift he chose was to represent a feeling of wanting you to feel young again! Act young with him? Be young and cute like a young girl? It was a gift of youth, maybe he was hoping you'd see it that way and want to do something young and youthful, like teenagers?

You told him you would rather nothing over something however if he gave you nothing you would've complained just the same. He got you something, yes it wasn't the best gift ever but it wasn't the worst. Did you get him the best gift ever? I think if he gave this to you years ago you wouldve found it cute or funny...

Wait . . . . you're not married to my husband, are you?

Oh, nevermind. My husband got me his favorite CD for Valentine's Day last year.

I gave my wife a gift once and she cried (in a bad way). She felt like I didn't know her. If you had a strong relationship you would laugh over this. Having a terminal relationship this just reminded you of the total absence of intimacy.

She thinks I have excellent taste in flowers though.

Just know that you are not the only one-Best of luck!

Hahahahaha, oh dear, I'm laughing so much! Sorry, I know you're upset, but don't be. Yes, that gift you got was so silly! However, maybe your husband wanted to make you laugh. Why do people take St Valentine's day so seriously? Its not the most solemn day of the year. Just look at the funny side of it. Also, remember that lots of people don't know how to buy a decent gift. Haven't you ever purchased a gift for someone, thinking they'd love it, when next thing you knew it was selling on ebay? Someone ought to run a course on gift-giving or check with Emily Post. I know, lots of people, including me, have stuffed up on this activity. The main thing is, look behind the gift and reflect on the intention of the gift giver. That's what really counts.

My honest opinion, marriage being strained or not you are 51 and you shuld knw better by now. Sounds as if though you do not realize that Its not the gift that counts its the thought of it. You should be thankful he even thought of getting you anything, the way it sounds you are very high demand on money and only care about what you can get, not about the love or thought put into it, maybe just maybe he thought you would like it and think it was cute. If you are this unhappy, file for divorce. Sorry, Im young but I know when to be thankful and appreciative, I learned from my parents that its not what you get its the thought and love put into it, and dont give me he didnt think, maybe he did...You should be more thankful...my honest opinion. Hate or it not, you wrote it so Im replying to it.

Let's highlight this with the most thoughtful gift ever.

A month and a week ago I was looking at a ex-demo camera bag for 300 bucks on an online auction site. I was dithering about the expense. My wife came up behind me, watched me dither, and said "I'll buy it for you for your birthday". So I clicked the buy now button and paid for it with my money, she didn't even grab the mouse and click the button. In fact, declaring that intention was the only thing she did.

It's about the most thoughtful gift I've ever received from her. It made my day, and it also made her day.

I can see you and your husband are way way past that point, so I am just wondering: why the rage at the empty coke machine? Kicking it will just make your toe hurt.

Thinking kind and calm thoughts in your general direction -P.

Personally, I blame the retailers. If they don't put the shite out on their shelves they would have to try that much harder to actually find the stuff. And what exactly is the prospect of that happening?

I was wandering around today our equivalent of what I would assume is P e n n e y s and spotted the motif underpants. You know the sort of stuff, "Superman" underpants and so on. Who actually buys that sort of shite? Even more so, who would ever wear that sort of shite? The ties, the socks, even the motif tee-shirts, or even worse advertising for N i k e or A d i d a s or whoever. Who actually wants to PAY a company to do their promotion for them?

Anyway, you know now what to get him for his next birthday, assuming you can be bothered at all.

By the way, I can't help resisting the suggestion that you should have said "A good surprise shag would have been cheaper and better", but I guess that idea must be really so stale by this point as to be rancid, if not downright putrid.

I know what you mean. A gift is supposed to make you feel that the sender knows you well. And if your own husband gives you a gift as such then yes, be honest with him and tell him you don't like it. But then again, perhaps he thought he knew you better, perhaps he thought you would like it, and perhaps he was trying to be funny. There must be a reason why he gave that to you because if he asked you whether you liked it or not, it means he has put some thought into it, don't you think? I think you should ask him...

what a loser gift how can you stay married to this jerk? Really feel sorry for you.