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Stupid Gift...

Thursday I was given one of the most thoughtless and stupid gifts ever, a mug with a stuffed monkey, a box of plain m&ms and a "hello kitty" tshirt. (kids size xl). I suppose if I was 12 it would have been a perfect gift, however, I'm 51 and it was from my husband of 24 yrs. I was upset.

If we'd been on good terms, I suppose I could have laughed it off. However, we're not. As strained as our marriage has been, I would have thought he would have put more thought into a gift. I wouldn't have to be a big one... expensive. Bouquet of flowers, gift card from Barnes and Noble... etc. 

This kicker is... this morning ( the first time I saw him since Thursday ). He asked me if I liked it. I had to be honest. I was as kind as I could be... I didn't yell. I just told him, if he wasn't going to put more thought into gifts, not to bother. A card would be just fine.  He's mad. He's walking around... slamming doors. Obviously pissed. Wanna know something?? I don't care. What am I suppose to do? Say " Oh thank you so much for the 'stupid gift '? 
ExistsinHOPE ExistsinHOPE 51-55, F 36 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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oh dear....if id got that grom my kids id of been made up.....but off hubby....no wonder u not happy. if id of told my hubby i didnt like it he would of reacted the same way. my hubby has out of the blue....after 22 yrs started buying me underwear!! he means well....but i hate some of the stuff he buys...and it rarely fits!!!!

he set it up to be that way, he no more wanted to enjoy v day then the moon does. he set it up so he could go off on you and make v day the opposite of what the day should of been. he knew what he was doing!

One thing about living in a sexless marriage, you don't have to give them a present, valentines or birthday.

I got a valentines day text. Nothing else. I got up at 6am and made bread pudding from scratch.

This year i got nothing, last year i got a posted note with a Happy V day wrote on it. uggg

I understand your feelings. Sounds like my ex who would go to the store and just pick up any old thing in order to fulfill his "obligation". I hate it when people do things out of obligation and not because they really care. It would make me feel humiliated instead of happy.

a woman not appreciating a hello kitty tshirt is not worth to be called such! >:(

In my twenty years married. I have never received any kind of gift for anything good or bad. I would have been happy with anything.....

AWWWWW I'M SO SORRY!!

I've been there. Im 43 we've been 26 years married its been like five years I dnt get anything. What I got this year was his lunch phonecall if his lunch was ready because he was starving. Its been a while no birthday, anniversary, Christmas. Or valentine

"MissLee: But I bet the sex was good!"
Oh ****, why didn't I think of that????
Good one like 100

I agree with you. What a dumb gift! My husband and your husband should be friends! My husband never knows what to get me. I have to tell him what to get me he doesn't know, or even try! We've been married 15 yrs. ANNOYING!

So what did you get him? ....if the answer is nothing you have no right to complain

I got him a gift card to his favorite coffee shop... nothing fancy, but something he could put to good use.

Some don't have loved ones to give them stupid gifts. I think you are very lucky.

My husband still thinks its ok to buy me beer for Valentine's day. I feel ya on the stupid gift part.

Lol. That's hilarious. It'd fine if you actually liked the stuff, I suppose.

I do like beer, but he buys beer every weekend. It would be fine every once in a while but I get it for Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine's Day and he drinks it....I do have a sense of humor and it was funny the first time but after 3 years I would like a little more personal and romantic little something.

There are some interesting comments here. Just my two cents - I do believe that its the thought that counts - yes, that your spouse or lover is thinking of you. More often than not, the gift is a reflection of how much and to what depth that thought was.

There were definitely some defensive comments in support of the tasteless gift the OP's spouse bought her. Perhaps it may be a good thing to reflect on why there is such defensiveness.

Gift giving does require suitable thought and understanding of the recipient. If one has not bothered to get to know someone in the course of their marriage or has really placed only the most superficial of effort into getting a gift out of a sense of obligation, not once or twice but just about at every celebratory event from Valentine's to Christmas, then the phrase "Its the thought that counts" is a shield and an excuse for thoughtlessness .

Given that the OP has indicated that this is a recurring behavior, IMO she has every right to feel upset and angry. The difference here is that this time she did not let her spouse get away with it and called him on his lack of consideration, for his habit of serving up s.h.i.t and expecting her to say 'Thank you so much".

honnesty is the best, you took it I'd give back on spot and true some react to it

My thought, (though I would have felt the same as you) if he got upset with your response to his gift, did you ever consider maybe, just maybe the gift he chose was to represent a feeling of wanting you to feel young again! Act young with him? Be young and cute like a young girl? It was a gift of youth, maybe he was hoping you'd see it that way and want to do something young and youthful, like teenagers?

I think it was a cute gesture.

You told him you would rather nothing over something however if he gave you nothing you would've complained just the same. He got you something, yes it wasn't the best gift ever but it wasn't the worst. Did you get him the best gift ever? I think if he gave this to you years ago you wouldve found it cute or funny...

Wait . . . . you're not married to my husband, are you?

Oh, nevermind. My husband got me his favorite CD for Valentine's Day last year.

Just know that you are not the only one-Best of luck!

Hahahahaha, oh dear, I'm laughing so much! Sorry, I know you're upset, but don't be. Yes, that gift you got was so silly! However, maybe your husband wanted to make you laugh. Why do people take St Valentine's day so seriously? Its not the most solemn day of the year. Just look at the funny side of it. Also, remember that lots of people don't know how to buy a decent gift. Haven't you ever purchased a gift for someone, thinking they'd love it, when next thing you knew it was selling on ebay? Someone ought to run a course on gift-giving or check with Emily Post. I know, lots of people, including me, have stuffed up on this activity. The main thing is, look behind the gift and reflect on the intention of the gift giver. That's what really counts.

My honest opinion, marriage being strained or not you are 51 and you shuld knw better by now. Sounds as if though you do not realize that Its not the gift that counts its the thought of it. You should be thankful he even thought of getting you anything, the way it sounds you are very high demand on money and only care about what you can get, not about the love or thought put into it, maybe just maybe he thought you would like it and think it was cute. If you are this unhappy, file for divorce. Sorry, Im young but I know when to be thankful and appreciative, I learned from my parents that its not what you get its the thought and love put into it, and dont give me he didnt think, maybe he did...You should be more thankful...my honest opinion. Hate or it not, you wrote it so Im replying to it.

Or maybe your relationship is straigned due to the fact you are so up beat and obligated to spend such amount of time with people online then your own husband whom your suppose to love and care for....and I thought I had to grow up some. =

Excuse me, but how did you become such a expert on relationship at your age? Just so you know, he's never here when I am. We work opposite shifts.

Then maybe you two should find a way to make time for each other, Its not too hard to do. and how? My age on here is not set correctly and two, I have a child, I had been in many relationships I learned from past experiences, I also have my parents and my grand parents to thank as well and so much more.

and in addition, it has nothing to do with the expense, but it does have to do with the lack of thought. I would have been thrilled with a gift card... or just a simple card.... a $10 bouquet of flowers.

The thing is you are not your husband or have his mind, how do you know it was lack of thought? He could have put plenty of thought in to it and thought maybe you'd think it was cute, you need to think before judging.

If your grandfather gave your grandmother a soccer ball as her only gift for Christmas, should your grandmother realize it's "the thought of it"?

As do you C.... spend 24 years with someone. Go through what I've been through with him. I do know his mind... I know how he thinks. I know what he does... he's done it time and time again. Just so you know... it is the THOUGHT that counts... NOT THE GIFT....

She would and yes, Its the thought that counts not what one gets. People should be thankful for what one has and not one gets, Hes there and loves her and cares and put the thought of gettingher something shows he does. People seriously...=You all amaze me.

If so, then quit complaing about the gift and appreciate the fact that he thought about you and got you something...his heart was in the right place...

Before you lose a few marriages, I suggest you talk to women about treating them properly, and caring for them, and what will take place if you give your wife a soccer ball for your last anniversary.

See, thats the thing you people now adays are all about materialism, not about the love. Its all about what one gets and the money invovled...you obviously need to grow up some yourself. Im done with this post, you all need to take some time and think about things...

misogyny disguised as preaching about love

"you people"? Define "you people."

And you sound like a jackass. I guess you are one of those pathetic at romance as well, which is fine, but don't go defense-psycho on the poor woman for bing disappointed. Valentine's Day is a time when men are supposed to show how much they value you--when they don't--it does not help a strained relationship and it will even hurt a good one.

Speaking above to Cronocipher, of course. Yes, he does sound like he's all of 25. I pity his wife or girlfriend--we can only imagine the outcome of Valentine's Day for her. But, like all of us experience will teach him the error of the thought patterns he's currently defending so ardently. True, it should be the thought that counts--problem is. it shows a "lack of thought." Women want to see that love was in the thought, not being cheap, forgetful or plain not caring.

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Let's highlight this with the most thoughtful gift ever.

A month and a week ago I was looking at a ex-demo camera bag for 300 bucks on an online auction site. I was dithering about the expense. My wife came up behind me, watched me dither, and said "I'll buy it for you for your birthday". So I clicked the buy now button and paid for it with my money, she didn't even grab the mouse and click the button. In fact, declaring that intention was the only thing she did.

It's about the most thoughtful gift I've ever received from her. It made my day, and it also made her day.

I can see you and your husband are way way past that point, so I am just wondering: why the rage at the empty coke machine? Kicking it will just make your toe hurt.

Thinking kind and calm thoughts in your general direction -P.

Personally, I blame the retailers. If they don't put the shite out on their shelves they would have to try that much harder to actually find the stuff. And what exactly is the prospect of that happening?

I was wandering around today our equivalent of what I would assume is P e n n e y s and spotted the motif underpants. You know the sort of stuff, "Superman" underpants and so on. Who actually buys that sort of shite? Even more so, who would ever wear that sort of shite? The ties, the socks, even the motif tee-shirts, or even worse advertising for N i k e or A d i d a s or whoever. Who actually wants to PAY a company to do their promotion for them?

Anyway, you know now what to get him for his next birthday, assuming you can be bothered at all.

By the way, I can't help resisting the suggestion that you should have said "A good surprise shag would have been cheaper and better", but I guess that idea must be really so stale by this point as to be rancid, if not downright putrid.

I know what you mean. A gift is supposed to make you feel that the sender knows you well. And if your own husband gives you a gift as such then yes, be honest with him and tell him you don't like it. But then again, perhaps he thought he knew you better, perhaps he thought you would like it, and perhaps he was trying to be funny. There must be a reason why he gave that to you because if he asked you whether you liked it or not, it means he has put some thought into it, don't you think? I think you should ask him...

He didn't really ask me if I liked it... he said.... " so you don't like the shirt?" OH I think he thought I might like it... but to be very honest, I don't think he cared whether or not I liked it. He fulfilled his obligation. Thus, he was certain I would be satisfied by the ridiculous t-shirt. Even my daughter questioned his judgment.

He's being the classic passive-aggressive. I know--I have one, too.

what a loser gift how can you stay married to this jerk? Really feel sorry for you.

I just hope when I marry it never goes there. But I have been in such a place with my 6 yr gf. And I'll tell you what you people need to rekindle the romance. Somehow! I don't know how but you've to. I'll tell you why i think this happens. See when all you talk of is the kids and the world and everything but yourselves, each of you feels guilty. Now your man wanted to give you something so he walks into a shop, roams about for a while, doesn't understand what would please you and gets whatever he could lay his hands on. Now obviously he wants you to like it. Why? Because he bought it just thinking about you. But since there's no romance left, he probably couldn't make it romantic enough.

And if you call his gift "stupid" you're probably not thoughtful yourself either. You should have just told him whatever he gave you is special beyond measure though it doesnt have to be expensive. (don't use "dont bother") and that it would be just so great if he did something nice for you. What did you get him for the day by the way?

Both of you need to rekindle the romance. Go to places you have spent good moments. Screw the fights. Talk more shout less. Hug more. Just you know! And then the thoughts would flow. I know this might sound cheesy and stupid, but thats what I think.

I totally understand that. And talking comes only after I guess people are not tired of fighting. And it will happen only after a few weeks of romance. I hope people get into normal relationships and try and get into them. Love is such a great thing. It sucks to see people throw it away :(

No, james, you do not understand any of this at all. Not in the least. Be quiet.

James, you ARE a bad boy. You're not supposed to go out with 6 year old girls! Watch out for lynch mobs hounding you down the streets ....

esjey25 I agree with some of your sentiment. I also think there aren't that many people anywhere in what we might call a "normal" relationship.

Be quiet? And who are you to moderate and judge the discussion as worthy? Just because he is not agreeing, it doesn't mean his opinion isn't valid. How utterly condescending. James is free to say what he wants. This board is full of female bullies who shout down and insult those who don't adhere to the party line or disagree with women who accuse men of bad behavior.

Be Quiet?! Unbelieveable.

lol :P :P haha

seriosuly i didn't invite anybody to say things like "be quiet". If people dont agree they better shut up. And it wasn;t directed at MissLee anyway. I just said whatever I felt like and it was better than ask someone to shut up.

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Ouch. Ive screwed up before with my gifts but that one was below me.

After I read your story, it made me wonder about presents.. they say, "its the thought that counts.." but question, why would someone bother to buy non sense things if they knew in the first place its going to be useless (unless donating it)? Its merely a waste of money and time. Plus, it would look like that there's no sincerity on it. Im in no sides, and Im aware that must appreciate it somehow, but I just dont get it. Sorry about this one.. You should talk to each other and next time, I think its better not to expect so you wont get disappointed or hurt so much..~~

Holidays (or a tiny misstep) tend to bring forth the dysfunction. And that is what you are dealing with - not the gift.

sorry about the gift and also about the people passing judgment on you (below). i too received an obligatory no thought (as in, reflex) gift. i thanked him.

at least i still put thought into what i got for him.

and oh yeah...i bought dinner too.

What a tart, I got nothing, and it's still better than yours LOL
Why do they bother?

I asked him the same thing this morning.

You know we follow this long list of **** to do, to please in the hopes that they will love us back, and then they do nothing at all and expect us to just melt and clap like seals.
******* tarts.

My guess his is answer was something like "I don't know, I never stood a chance and I won't make that mistake again"

TraditionalGentleman,
I know to you I may sound selfish and incredibly insensitive. However, that is so far from the truth. I feel like I need to justify myself to you and why his gift made me so angry. Perhaps you can't understand, but when I say I've spent most of the last 24 yrs trying to please him. Sacrificed... given and given, only to have been unappreciated and treated as a possession. I planned romantic weekends... wine, sexy nighties... only for him to fall asleep. He has completely abandoned me emotionally. My father died, in another state a few years ago. With no good reason, he couldn't be bothered to bring our kids and come to and spend the time with me and my family. There are so many things that I could use as a support or reason for me to be impatient with his lack of concern in his choice of valentine gifts.

It's so much more than that... I'm not a superficial person. I'm a caring, empathetic and loving woman, who simply needs to know that after sacrificing for 24 yrs that I matter. Truly matter.

That's all.

And no his response was just like every other response is when he is not worshipped and bowed down to.... he clams up and walks away.

HUGS!! You don't need to justify your self or your feelings to anyone!

No, you don't need to justify it. And I'm sorry for you that it's been so ******. I've been in a similar situation for years. I'm truly not judging you. But, the journey of a thousand steps begins with one, and this gesture by your husband is very curious indeed. I'm not saying you are the problem or have been. God knows I wasn't there. I'm sure that you are the aggrieved party here, so please don't take my posts as about what you ARE.

I'm in a situation where I'm doomed from the get-go with anything I do. Bottom line is we made a mistake, married for reasons other than love, at least on her part, and I've been wrong ever since. Fundamentally, she doesn't like me, or anything I stand for. So, I've had a marriage of being punished and derided for things based on her perspective. I've made romantic gestures similar to what your husband did here and it was sincere. I've given her flowers I picked myself, only to find there were ants on them and she was pissed. I've bought mementos of things we shared when dating and she was pissed. Thought I was being thoughtless when it was quite the contrary. I never even got a chance to explain what I was thinking.

That's really my point here. What if he WAS trying to make an effort? My guess is you stay with him because you might have hope?? Of course I don't know. But if that is it, then how could he proceed with you? What if he had some romantic thought here. You didn't ask him. You are assuming you know. I've been punished for 25 years for things she "didn't need to ask me. She knew already how I think". But she didn't. You owe it to yourself to at least ask him, in a safe, non-challenging, inquisitive tone why he got you that present. I can assure you he's gun shy of you, as I would be. So it may take some coaxing. But it also might open a discussion. People mature, maybe he has? I don't know.

TG,
He was making the only effort he's ever made....minimal. He concurred that he went to the closest Walmart and bought the first 3 things that crossed his path. There was no real thought. It may sound awful to you, but about 5 yrs after we got married, he chose not to acknowledge my birthday because he said he didn't have time to stop and get a card. He did however, have time to stop and pick up a loaf of bread for his mom. I was of course angry, however, in time I chose to "laugh" it off. Well.... from that point on Birthday, Anniversary, special occasion cards were "obligatory". He did it because he knew I'd be upset if he didn't, not because he wanted to. His excuse... HIS FAMILY didn't celebrate special occasions. It didn't matter if I did... or my family did.

SO... that was the beginning of very strained gift giving practices in our home. He would be the first one to accept gifts, cards etc.... I even gave him a surprise party when he turned 40. ( his first birthday party ever) However, he could not be bothered by reciprocating.

Now, if this years Valentine's Gift was a first. I suppose I could have laughed it off, said "Thanks" and given the worthless **** away. He would never have been the wiser. However, I expected a little more this year, because of struggles we've had lately. I thought he might put more effort into winning me back.

Key word here... effort. If I'm worth having, than I'm worth working for.... if not the opposite is true. Damn it, I'M WORTH IT. He's so lucky to have me. I'm intelligent, independent, good house keeper, cook. I know how to use tools, and fix stuff that gets broken. I do the painting and much of the home maintenance and yard work.

I gave up my life, family, career, friends and so much for him so long ago for him to devalue me like this time and time again. I deserve better.

I stay.... yes. I've stayed for way too long. I've been miserable in this relationship for much of the last 15 yrs. I stay because I struggle with self esteem ( I don't think I can find someone else ).... I stay because I am afraid of change, I stay because I worry how my kids will deal with the breakup. ( Interesting enough they are 21 and 23 and they both have told me to basically leave in the last 6 months)... they want me to be happy. I stay because I'm too proud to admit I've ( we've failed). None are very good reasons.


Well... this is where I stand today.

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I haven't read everything in your postings. And, God knows, I'm in a sexless marriage and she is awful, thoughtless, selfish and a *****. However, I'm not quite sure why this gift is so horrible. It actually could have been thoughtful. It is entirely possible that he found this gift, picked it up at the gas station, or some equally thoughtless source, in which case your disgust is appropriate.<br />
<br />
But, it is likely a thoughtful gift. Something whimsical and special. Did you like "Hello Kitty" at one time? Does any of it have any tie to your past with you or your children? It might have been a clumsy attempt, but it seems like an attempt to be thoughtful. Women go on and on about how it's the thought that counts, yet look at how you are raking this guy over the coals. Did you bother to ask him about his thoughts? If he's angry, maybe that's the reason. Ask him why he pick those things to give you. Certainly looks like he put some thought in it and now he's hurt because you've ridicule his ex<x>pression.From what I read, you are acting like a child. His gift isn't good enough. Looks as if he tried to be whimsical and get you something. He put some effort into it instead just getting a card. Sounds like you are as part of the problem in your situation as he. He went to the trouble of being thoughtful and you jump to conclusion that he's being thoughtless.

I know from 24 years of experience exactly what this man does. He walks into the cheapest and closest store. Picks up the first things that catch his eye and heads to the check out. He thought the t-shirt was a sleep shirt. Which if he had actually looked at it he would have seen that it could be a sleep t for a 5 yr old. Hello Kitty has no connection to our relationship. ... he isn't a "whimsical"guy. As for the other things. ... it was a quick pick off a store shelf.
Trust me..... it was an obligation for him to fill.

Just so you know, I didn't rake him over the coals. I was honest.

I'm saying this all in an attempt to help you understand.

Well, that may be, or it may not be that he just bought something. However, his reaction sounds much like mine when I've tried and the effort ignored.

I've lived with a woman who thinks as you. His gift was doomed at the start. You "know how this man thinks". Maybe not. Maybe you have always drawn conclusions about his motives and they are incorrect.

It's very telling that you don't see how you have "raked him over the coals" in your passive/aggressive belittling of the man on this posting. I believe your response to mine merely strengthens my argument that you contribute as much or more than he.

I completely understand what you are saying. YOU are saying that I am overly critical and I should appreciate his effort. There was a time I did... I have several valentine mugs in my cabinet... and even put a couple of the stuffed animals on a shelf in our bedroom.

I wish could understand the decades of hurt that have been inflicted on me... this is not a one time event... perhaps the straw that has broken the camels back on my part. YOU are judging me without knowing background. I am not passive aggressive... I am passive and I've accepted too little for too long.... and I'm getting very tired of it.

traditional gentleman:

i think perhaps you are projecting your own experience with your (self proclaimed) thoughtless selfish ***** of a wife on to exists in hope....who, the regular posters who've read her numerous stories and had regular interaction with her, have reason to know...is NOT thoughtless or selfish.

and a children's size xl tee shirt which has no connection to her or their children or relationship is not a careful thoughtful gift. valentine's day comes *every* feb 14th. if her h truly wanted to give a thoughtful gift, he could've done so.

he didn't. she didn't take him over the coals about it she merely told him she didn't like it.

what she does here under anonymity is not his concern. for as a wise person once told me, what other people think of us is none of our business. it's what we think of ourselves.

TG, you seem to have gotten lost on the way to one of your more, shall we say, descriptive boards. You have come in on the end of a thought process with suggestions from the beginning of the process. Most people reading and posting here are relationship veterans who understand the high context of the writing.

awwwwwwwwwwwwww

It's interesting how instead of just disagreeing, theremustbeawayout attempts to disqualify me as someone with an opinion. Classic. ROTFL "relationship veterans"? What does that even mean? Such a condescending post as if you, and others, are somehow more qualified to offer perspective on the subject than I. It is entirely possible that the man has tried to make some sort of gesture and that it has been misread. Interstingly, ExistsinHOPE seemed to understand, not agree, with my point and responded, while with you, it struck a nerve. With such conceit on your part you are likely doomed to be unhappy in any relationship because you are apparently the only one who is qualified to be in one. Understand the high context of the writing. Indeed! LMAO.

ExistinHOPE is sincerely responding to sincere replies, whatever they are and it's appreciated. But there are at least two women on this topic who are just lashing out because of some ridiculous expectation they put on men that could never be met. Yet, as self appointed relationship experts, they can't see it's their own doing. And for the record, I stated that I was comparing the scenario to my experience and offering Existsinhope the perspective of one who has made sincere effort to buy gifts to have the same scene recreated. Accused of no thought when in reality, it was a romantic gesture. I reacted in much the same way as this man. So it may have been valuable for her to read it. It appears that GibbySan and Theremustbeawayout are two women who can't be wrong about anything and will likely be alone or with men they find substandard for life. Existinhope isn't one of these as she is actually reading what people are writing and taking it in.

No, I'm saying put aside what you believe to be the foregone conclusion and ask him what the significance is of the gift. Give him the chance to explain it. There may be some logic behind it. AGain,as men, we bring logic in when our hearts should be there, but it may be a sincere attempt. At least if you ask, you'll know.

I'm not judging you, truly I'm not. I'm only saying to ask for the explanation and listen to what he says. What if I'm right about this and he says something romantic? You'll be glad you asked. I'm not really criticizing YOU, I'm just saying you may be jumping to conclusions and ascribing meaning or lack of meaning to actions based on your perception and not on what he was thinking.

Just ask him. What's the worst thing that could happen? That you were right and he just picked it up somewhere? But be ready for a flip answer. If it was sincere, he's hurt now and may be afraid to tell you what he was actually feeling/thinking.

Typing is tough. It's difficult to put things into words, and I'm not saying I know you are overly critical, rather that you may need to get the facts by asking him.

TG, often the simplest and most obvious explanation tends to be the most accurate. If, after knowing someone for over two decades and having received countless hints and open suggestions about one's likes and dislikes, one continues to buy something completely off the mark, it does strongly suggest a lack of thought and care. What probably elicited the hostile reaction and anger was that the OP decided not to take that thoughtlessness and called her spouse to task for it.

Relationships need care and cultivation. Being closed to communication and simply doing something out of duty and refusing to learn about someone whom one professes loves is one certain way to ensure that as they evolve over time, the chasm between continues to widen until the disconnect cannot be bridged. Yes, gift giving is important, as important as other gestures of love and there is wisdom in honoring them. Together, they tell a story, of intent, of connection, or lack thereof and can be a gauge of how intimate and pair bonded a couple are. Just my two cents.

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I used to wonder what thoughtless and stupid gift am I going to get this time. But now I realize it is not thoughtless, it is what she is actually thinking. That's why he is mad and slamming doors, because he did put thought into it, and doesn't want to own how uncaring he is.

I don't even know what to say about the Hello Kitty t-shirt. It's so ridiculous that it seems laughter is the only way I could handle that. As in a "Wow, you are the lamest gift giver in the entire world of gift givers." Kinda laugh.

ugh.

Vent away.

Is your friends name Mariah Carey? LOL
She's the only one I know of with a bad Hello Kitty obsession. Like.. of *all* thinks okay.

I lol'd so hard at your friend making sure Miss Kitty was wearing her black dress..
And here I thought *I* would never grow up. :p

@ Ray3218 - ROFLMAO!!! I nearly sprayed my computer with my cup of tea after reading about your "Hello Kitty" obsessed nurse!

But I bet the sex was good!

Oh Ray... that b i t c h be crazy!

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My wife and I are sexless as well and pretty much agree we are incompatable and will probably end up divorced. Valentine's Day was like a day of obligation, something I had to do rather than wanted to, I would get the Hallmark card, the dozen roses from a florest not the supermarket and the box of truffles from Godiva. I got the Oh thanks from her but nothing else. This went on year after year. This year she said don't get anything, we'll go out for dinner some time. Her way of freeing herself of any guilt for not even getting a card. I took her up on it and did nothing. Yesterday I brought up dinner at a very nice place that you need to make a reservation two weeks in advance... she blew it off. I stopped the jewelry from Tiffany years ago as it wasn't appreciated.
There are husbands that are thoughtless like yours and wives who are unappreciative like mine and in the middle are people such as ourselves.

Railfan, I think this is exactly how he thinks. I know it's how I think. At least I got him something he could use. A $25 dunkin Donuts gift card. He always complains, that he never gets any, whenever I get one from my students. SO I thought it was relatively thoughtful. Everything I get from him is "Obligatory"... so I guess I shouldn't have expected anything different?

Hugs to you... I guess we've gotta just keep working on making our own happiness.

This has jack **** to do with the monkey.

It has every bit to do with the underlying dysfunctional marriage, and this latest bit of evidence to remind you, again, of what your situation is truly like.

But in many ways, it's easier to look at the monkey, and get mad at that, rather than look at the big picture.

I can dig it.

Because I've done it too. Everyone here has.

Tread your own path.

And Bazz gets the 'hole in one' award yet again.