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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Taking Back The Reins

By: vecca
Written on February 16th, 2013
Earlier this week, had a soul-bearing conversation with my two best friends from college. These ladies have stood with me through thick and thin so I thought they should know. It has been difficult not sharing this disappointment with them. They have been through everything else with me and likewise with them. After the initial shock and awe, we finally set out with the jokes that we use to minimize the importance of an issue over our lives, our self-esteem. After the expected barrage of questions, our conversation turned to nature's healer - humor. "you should ask for an annulment since you haven't had sex in YEARS" or the best one "don't pay spousal support that's for services rendered and your 'render' ain't been serviced ergo breach of contract".

It felt good to get it out so I planned a weekend away. I have always invited him to join me to which he always declines. This time I just informed him of MY plans to go away - when I would leave and when he could expect me to return. It felt good not giving him the ability to refuse me, no ackward dance at bedtime AND no one sleeping upside down - LOL

I plan on having a great time.
By: vecca
Age: 46-50
243 people have read this story

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9 responses
  • drpinkangel
    drpinkangel

    Good for you! I'm sure it was soothing to have the people closest to you know & give you better perspective. The jokes were a welcome reprieve for me too...I love the one about spousal support & your "render" hasn't been "serviced".....LOL :)
    Take care & God Bless

    Feb 17
    1 like
    • vecca
      vecca

      It was soothing and they of course asked the gamut of questions and offered alternatives, but ultimately they "knew" me my penchant for riding things through as well as my resolve to let things go. They resolved to be my friends. The best joke was when I said to them "Damn I know I'm no Beyonce but I ain't Peppermint Patty either." "Why PP fool?" You know Marci always called her "Sir!" Laughter is the Best Medicine!

      Feb 18
      1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    Under the "me" thinking model, you make choices that are in your longer term best interests, for there is no "we" to consider.

    Attending to your support network, and doing something you enjoy is most definitely in your longer term best interests.

    If you keep applying this principle in your decision making, you can't go too far wrong.

    Tread your own path.

    Feb 16
    1 like
    • vecca
      vecca

      I think that taking a deep breath of fresh air will do wonders for my inner self. I plan to emerge from the snow like buttercups every winter.

      Feb 16
      1 like
  • laureltree
    laureltree

    Have fun!!! And teehee... "render"... ;)

    You bring up a good point, too--refusal certainly isn't limited to sex. I took the kids out for breakfast this morning and saw a couple (lady was pregnant) coming in, which reminded me of all the many, many times my husband has declined/refused to come with me ANYWHERE, especially since I got pregnant with our first. I'm all for having some separate interests, separate free-time, but he has taken it to this drastic extreme. If we aren't on a "date," we don't go anywhere together.

    Feb 16
    1 like
    • laureltree
      laureltree

      Of course, if I don't invite him, he pouts. But what's the point, when he never wants to go?

      Feb 16
      1 like
    • vecca
      vecca

      during the holidays my he made the comment that everyone was leaving him at home all alone...my cousin's son said "but your were invited" on that note I turned and headed out of the door...."out of the mouth of babes".

      Going forward I will not make that a priority - he is welcome to tag along but I will not plan for or consider his attendance.

      Feb 16
      1 like
    • laureltree
      laureltree

      Good for you! Same here.

      Feb 16
      1 like
    • vecca
      vecca

      I plan to eat, drink, and be merry with folks who know my deepest secrets and love me! And I won't feel the need to offer explanations of my "husband's" absence AGAIN. No money spent on unused event tickets (you know just in case). And when I climb into the hotel bed I know I'll be alone and I can sleep in as long as I want since no one will be up at 5 dying to go to a restaurant at 6a to avoid being close.

      Feb 16
      1 like
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