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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Rough Day

By: deleted
Written on February 16th, 2013
I'm having a tough day. I'm fighting with my urge to be passive aggressive. Just to shake things up I am wanting to withdraw, just to see if it would be noticed. Sadly I know deep down it won't, that it won't push for a conversation and I know it would not inspire any change.
So I am stuck here asking myself if I really can go on like this
I've put the blame of this all onto myself, but I know I am worthy of more. I deserve to feel love and affection. I deserve to not have to feel like I am walking on eggshells all the time. I deserve to not have to be the one to always initiate the conversation just to be met with stony silence or be told that you just don't know why this is happening. I deserve answers, I deserve effort and at the very least some form of compromise.
I may not be the hottest thing out there but I am desirable, even if I am not to you. I am a woman with wants, desires and needs. I deserve the right to have at least some of these met.
By: deleted
Age: 26-30
214 people have read this story

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11 responses
  • justeasygoing
    justeasygoing

    You do deserve all those things.Time to stand up and demand changes or you will make changes!You have nothing to lose.

    Feb 27
    1 like
  • writer4340
    writer4340

    You are selling yourself short. Be yourself and to hell with the eggshells. You are what you see in the mirror, and it matters not what anyone else thinks. Be happy. Life is too short to do anything else.

    Feb 17
    1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    Appears the focus is moving off "S", and back on to your husband. That's probably good, as therein lies the issue. "S" is really a sidebar to the main game.

    Your spouses enrgy and focus (the way I've read your stories) is to keep off the booze. That is very admirable, however for some people, this battle for sobriety becomes such a focus that there is precious little emotional energy left to share with anyone else. And for some people, it HAS to be that way if they are to remain clean.

    You might consider, that what you have now is "it".

    Would that be a dealbreaker for you ?

    Tread your own path.

    Feb 16
    2 likes
    • bazzar
      bazzar

      Indeed. That "line in the sand" is a tough one. It seems that people who have got out know what their dealbreakers "were". That people still in have a 'sort of' knowledge of what their dealbreakers "should" be, and others still in have no definite idea at all.
      In a lot of cases it seems like todays 'minor incident' can be tomorrows "dealbreaker".

      Feb 16
      1 like
  • GibbySan
    GibbySan

    I withdrew seven months ago. It may have been noticed, but it hasn't been acknowledged in any way, shape or form.

    I supposed I am technically acting in a passive-aggressive manner towards my passive-aggressive husband, but I am beyond weary of trying to have serious conversations with a lump.

    Feb 16
    1 like
    • GibbySan
      GibbySan

      Oh, and you DO know it's your husband whose behavior is PA, right?

      I get the "stony silence" and the "I don't know why I'm like this", too.

      Feb 16
      1 like
    • GibbySan
      GibbySan

      I just can't bring myself to try to have any kind of real conversation with him anymore, especially since I realized that all these years he let me think his issues were medical when the real reason we didn't have sex was because he was punishing me for things I don't even know I've done while simultaneously claiming he never gets mad at me.

      Feb 16
      1 like
    • ray3218
      ray3218

      I guess arguably I could be considered to have shut the relationship down when, sexual issues aside, it became almost impossible to have a reasonable conversation with her that she didn't somehow manage to twist into her favour. My "stony silence" was fueled largely by a sense of futility. During my 30+ years in my various careers, most of which were based on clarity of communication, I can honestly say that I've never met anyone else that left me as dumbfounded and speechless as the mother of my children. Got to the point where I just gave up because I knew there wasn't any use anymore in trying.

      Feb 17
      1 like
    • GibbySan
      GibbySan

      Ray, yes, exactly.

      Feb 17
      1 like
    1 More Reply
  • something2talkabout
    something2talkabout

    Is it possible to get out and about today? My term for it is in a fog walking on eggshells that cover a minefield.

    Feb 16
    1 like