I Live In a Sexless Marriage
My husband's wonderful father died in September 2012. Sudden death by heart attack. He was a week from turning 63.
My husband was extremely close with his father. We live out of state, but they talked on the phone frequently. My husband bounced lots of thoughts and ideas off of his dad.
In the last 5 months, there have been lots of changes. I should also mention that only 1 month before that (6 months ago), was when my husband and I were married. We've had to adjust to a life without his dad. We've had to identify with our marriage in the midst of family tragedy.
I seek goals and positive distraction wherever I can -- try to go to the gym, focus on new diet initiatives, started studying for a finance certification. One of the things I was trying to do recently was restrict sugar from my diet. I had told my husband I was going to do it. I was focused on it and looking up new recipes and cooking things that worked for us both.
One day in the past two weeks, my husband came with me to the grocery store and picked up a bunch of ingredients for "an old family recipe" for chili. He had picked up some beans that were loaded with sugar. My husband is a great cook -- why was he going this route? I told him he was welcomed to make it, but I probably wouldn't have too much given my goals.
I was miffed. He KNEW about my goals. While we were in the car, I probed a little bit: "Is this your mom's recipe?" ... "No, my dad's" .... I sat for a while with that thought.
My husband was trying to connect to his father. It had nothing to do with me at all. In fact, the only thing that was about me was that I was not supporting my husband's need to be close to his dad somehow. When we got home, I asked if he needed any help with the recipe and told him I would actually love to have a bowl of it with him.
After we ate, he thanked me for having some.
Be less critical, see more of the truth.
My husband was extremely close with his father. We live out of state, but they talked on the phone frequently. My husband bounced lots of thoughts and ideas off of his dad.
In the last 5 months, there have been lots of changes. I should also mention that only 1 month before that (6 months ago), was when my husband and I were married. We've had to adjust to a life without his dad. We've had to identify with our marriage in the midst of family tragedy.
I seek goals and positive distraction wherever I can -- try to go to the gym, focus on new diet initiatives, started studying for a finance certification. One of the things I was trying to do recently was restrict sugar from my diet. I had told my husband I was going to do it. I was focused on it and looking up new recipes and cooking things that worked for us both.
One day in the past two weeks, my husband came with me to the grocery store and picked up a bunch of ingredients for "an old family recipe" for chili. He had picked up some beans that were loaded with sugar. My husband is a great cook -- why was he going this route? I told him he was welcomed to make it, but I probably wouldn't have too much given my goals.
I was miffed. He KNEW about my goals. While we were in the car, I probed a little bit: "Is this your mom's recipe?" ... "No, my dad's" .... I sat for a while with that thought.
My husband was trying to connect to his father. It had nothing to do with me at all. In fact, the only thing that was about me was that I was not supporting my husband's need to be close to his dad somehow. When we got home, I asked if he needed any help with the recipe and told him I would actually love to have a bowl of it with him.
After we ate, he thanked me for having some.
Be less critical, see more of the truth.
By:
LC818
Age:
26-30
5
responses
