Watching It Slip Away

I don't know the background of your marriage.

I recently talked to my wife. I started to feel unloved, uncared for. Ignored. I talked to her about things. We're working on our communication problems.

Here's a website: http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/depression/

There are things you and your kids can do. Depending on the age of the kids of course. The most important of all is to provide emotional support. Have the kids hug her every morning and tell her that they love her. You can do the same. You hug her before leaving the house, with a kiss, and tell her you love her. Surprise her with 'gifts.' Things like her favorite food, snacks, novels, etc. Small things, yet can be brought to her with a card which says she's a great person. Or she is great at [whatever she is great at doing/being].

My father spent close to a year in denial. He went to work, he had no trouble at work. At least none of his co-workers saw any changes, yet he was months behind and no one noticed. His depression was triggered by childhood flashbacks. He couldn't cope, yet pretended to be ok. Something similar could have occurred to her and she isn't confident enough to ask for help. Depression does that.

A counselor told me that depression is just hatred/anger turned inward. *sigh* More that my father couldn't do the worse he got which made him less able to do his job. He got angry with himself. Depression is a nice slide, all it does is spirals downward. If you get help soon enough you can catch the railing and stop yourself. She needs help. She need someone she can confide in, someone who isn't a friend nor a relative. A person who will keep what she says confidential.

As for your emotional health and those of your kids... Visit family members... have them spend weekends with their cousins... you can find another person, a sister/brother to help you... to comfort you, perhaps your wife as well. You need your needs met, and so does she/

She's depressed and as a consequence you are depressed. The difference between you is that you want to do something about the depression and she has succumbed to it, almost willingly, acceptingly. She knows that it is there but doesn't know what it consists of and what, if anything, she can or should do about it. I am imprinting from my own experience.

Here is another bit of risky imprinting. Coming to terms with the fact that you are depressed, no matter to what degree it manifests itself, and deciding, consciously that you are obliged to yourself to do something about it is only part of the internal struggle. The real dilemma is what can I do about it in practical terms? It is so complex, so multi-faceted, it seems overwhelming, impossible to deal with. So if it is impossible, why start the struggle in the first place?

Absurd, innit?

This is mental illness. Closely watch her in the next 24 hours, and consider medical treatment.

She is depressive, and doesn't manage it particularly well (as I recall).

Your story sounds like she is going through a particularly bad session of it again right now.

But if it CAN'T be managed, or she WON'T attempt to manage it, there is nothing but more of the same ahead of you. And that impacts negatively on you (and 2 kids ? as I recall)

Tough place you are at.

What do you figure are the longer term best interests of -
- you
- the kids
- her
and can these longer term best interests of the involved people take place in the present environment ?

Tread your own path.