Not 'Letting Ourselves Go'...I keep seeing this.... Women telling their stories here often feel the need to add in something about "I know I'm (some level of) attractive. I haven't let myself go!" I'm pretty sure I've said it before, too, if not here, then elsewhere. Our attractiveness has nothing to do with our situation! As much as we, mostly, understand that, we still feel this need to justify that, no, really, we aren't ugly or obese or horrifically misshapen. When, really, even if we significantly changed, body-wise, over the course of the marriage, that wouldn't justify our husbands' refusal.
I'm not going to try to say that "love is blind," but I do think that real, true love at least colors your perception a bit rosy. If you really love and admire your spouse, normal aging isn't going to keep you from desiring them. Suggesting that our attractiveness has anything to do with the reason our marriages are sexless belittles our experience.
And so, I, at least, am going to try try try to refrain from making body/attractiveness judgments about myself on here, in real life, or when simply analyzing things to myself. What I look like is beside the point. (And, yes, the urge to say something about how I look, even now, is ... bah... so aggravatingly strong.) What I look like doesn't matter, and letting myself indulge in attempts to prove my attractiveness only, really, makes me feel worse. I would ask other women on here to attempt the same--shift that focus, off your body and on to his actions.