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Just An Update

I have not spent a lot of time here lately. I have been coasting along some days better than others. I have been working my exit plan.  I have to say I am both proud and excited to say I have gotten all the big bills paid off except the house.  We have a few little things that our tax return will take care of.  All I have to go is  get some money together for rent ect.  I want a little extra just in case.  My dilemma is this do I tell him I want a divorce and move upstairs until I find an apartment in case he decides to take off and stick me with the house?  In which case I would probably do a deed in lieu of foreclosure and live here for free until I have to move out save up money. Or do I find and lease an apartment and then tell him?  The time is fast approaching can  not wait to be free and happy but telling him and the drama is going to be horrible.
sweetnfeisty65 sweetnfeisty65 46-50, F 3 Responses Feb 17, 2013

Your Response


As difficult as it may be, I would discuss options with him before moving anywhere. The last thing you would want to have happen is leave your house abandoned. That is an asset / liability that you are both responsible for, and want to deal with wisely. That said, if he is volatile, you obviously need to plan for safety first. Have you consulted an attorney? *warm hug*. I know this is a very stressful time for you...been there.

I have not seen a lawyer yet I planned to be out by oct but some financial things came up so now looking at spring/summer. I do plan on talking to a lawyer before I talk to him or lease a place to live. He can be a little volatile when it comes to me leaving him but it depends on the day..........

Glad you are looking ahead and seeking counsel, so things go as smoothly as possible for you. I hope you stay safe. Stay in touch to keep me posted on how you're progressing along the way. *hug* -D

I don't wish to be a wet blanket here, but you DID see a lawyer before paying down the (presumably "joint") debt did you ? It might not have been in your best interests longer term to do that (jurisdiction dependent).

Anyway, 'horse', as in 'bolted' applies to that. If you haven't seen a lawyer yet, it would be real wise to correct that situation.

As far as "when" you tell him, the best time is when it is most advantageous to YOU. Your lawyer ought be able to advise you on that.

Tread your own path.

I would have assumed that unless there is something unusual about your joint liability for the property that it is something neither of you can escape, irrespective of who jumps the gun first? So maybe complicating though it may be it shouldn't be a limiting factor in itself?