I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Where to begin? I've been with my fiance for seventeen years. (Can we treat that as a marriage?) There's almost twenty years between us, (he's older), but that's never been an issue. I know as men age it can often be more difficult to maintain or even get an erection. However, he's had a series of prostate biopsies, (all negative, thank God), and suffered what was about an eight year depression after losing his father.
The two combined did a number on his libido and his ability to make love.
Throughout my thirties, our intimacy dwindled. (The biopsies and loss of his father occurred then).
Now, in my forties, I am torn up about our lack of intimacy. He wants to be close in a sexual way, but his body won't allow it, at least not that part of his body. He's tried all the prescriptions for ED with no success- actually, one time he took two and felt terribly ill. I'd rather him healthy and safe over taking pills that don't react well with his system- even if they worked, which they did not.
I have felt sad, lonely, and selfish. It's not like I harp on him about us not being sexual, but it's come up, of course. He talks to his urologist about it, but nothing's come of it. The prescriptions, as I said, didn't work.
I've never been able to write, (and I'm a writer!), about how scared I am of feeling like this forever. It's so frightening to think that we'll never be intimate again. (I know we can be 'creative', but he doesn't seem to want that anymore, either).
Topping it off, he watches quite a bit of ****, (I asked him to please stop hiding it from me because it hurt more, so he doesn't), and even that doesn't arouse him. However, if it doesn't arouse him, why watch it? Especially knowing how much of toll our lack of a sex life has taken on me. Actually, he realizes this, but it typically is all about him, i.e., "How do you think I feel?" or "I don't even feel like a man?"
He is a man. Having sex doesn't make you a man any more than having sex makes me a woman. But, it's lonely. It's isolating. I do find myself overly sensitive to his flirtatious nature with other women, (he's always been that way). My self esteem in terms of feeling "sexy" or "desirable" is shot. There's more to me than that, I know. But it still hurts. I wonder how to cope. I pray a lot, seek the joy in life, count my blessings and try to focus on what I have, not what's lacking. However, when we both go to bed and give each other a little 'peck', then roll over to our opposite sides, it's a cold place. When he wants to hold me, it's wonderful. I always scratch his back for him when he asks, (well, almost all the time). That's as far as it goes, other than him playfully grabbing me now and then.
Big sigh. I can't even describe the level of pain I feel as I write this and forgive me if it's too long. Thanks for listening.
The two combined did a number on his libido and his ability to make love.
Throughout my thirties, our intimacy dwindled. (The biopsies and loss of his father occurred then).
Now, in my forties, I am torn up about our lack of intimacy. He wants to be close in a sexual way, but his body won't allow it, at least not that part of his body. He's tried all the presc
I have felt sad, lonely, and selfish. It's not like I harp on him about us not being sexual, but it's come up, of course. He talks to his urologist about it, but nothing's come of it. The presc
I've never been able to write, (and I'm a writer!), about how scared I am of feeling like this forever. It's so frightening to think that we'll never be intimate again. (I know we can be 'creative', but he doesn't seem to want that anymore, either).
Topping it off, he watches quite a bit of ****, (I asked him to please stop hiding it from me because it hurt more, so he doesn't), and even that doesn't arouse him. However, if it doesn't arouse him, why watch it? Especially knowing how much of toll our lack of a sex life has taken on me. Actually, he realizes this, but it typically is all about him, i.e., "How do you think I feel?" or "I don't even feel like a man?"
He is a man. Having sex doesn't make you a man any more than having sex makes me a woman. But, it's lonely. It's isolating. I do find myself overly sensitive to his flirtatious nature with other women, (he's always been that way). My self esteem in terms of feeling "sexy" or "desirable" is shot. There's more to me than that, I know. But it still hurts. I wonder how to cope. I pray a lot, seek the joy in life, count my blessings and try to focus on what I have, not what's lacking. However, when we both go to bed and give each other a little 'peck', then roll over to our opposite sides, it's a cold place. When he wants to hold me, it's wonderful. I always scratch his back for him when he asks, (well, almost all the time). That's as far as it goes, other than him playfully grabbing me now and then.
Big sigh. I can't even describe the level of pain I feel as I write this and forgive me if it's too long. Thanks for listening.
By:
music66
Age:
41-45
,
Female
