Trying To Motivate For Couples Counseling
I'm a 40 year old woman in a sexless marriage trying to figure out if I have the energy for counseling. DH and I married relatively late (35). Sex was ok while we were dating...not earth shaking but not bad. I always seemed to want it more than he did, which I found slightly unusual, but not really cause for alarm. We decided to get pregnant as soon as we got married since we both wanted at least two kids. I got pregnant right away. Sex started dwindling a bit. Then in my 3rd trimester he said he didn't want to have sex until the baby came because it seemed "weird". Baby came, and still no desire for sex on his part. In the two years after that, we had sex maybe 5 times. On one of those times I got pregnant again. Our youngest is almost 3 years old and since she was born, we've had sex maybe two or three times. I've tried to discuss it with him, and he always says he wants to have sex, but never initiates it. Since we've gotten married I have ALWAYS initiated sex. I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME. I got sick of initiating, I got sick of trying to talk about it and just started living this sexless relationship. We're good parents, decent roommates. I went to a therapist who tried telling me we needed dates and time alone. Didn't do the trick. This year for Valentines day he got me a vibrator....gave it to me in a plastic bag, with some batteries even (believe me, I already have one...it's well used). I wasn't sure of this was a hint he wanted to have sex or that he din't want to have sex but wanted to make me happy. I'm at the point where I just don't care. I don't care to spend time with him, have conversations with him or anything else. I used to be very attracted to him, but now I'm not at all. But the thing is...we have two young kids and I don't want to divorce because of them. I'm a child of divorce myself and yes, my parents were happier apart. But I know what that does to kids firsthand, even in the healthiest of circumstances. So I'm considering marriage counseling. Not sure if it's too late. Has anyone tried it and found it helpful?