The Thrill Is Gone

We're both 50 and married 31 years.  2 sons are grown and married.  We have great jobs, nice home, both love to travel.  Everyone thinks we have it all, including a great marriage.  He gives me flowers, jewelry, but no intimacy.  About 10 years ago our sex life fizzled.  I don't think it was anything to write home about before that.  Sure, we both got our "big O" but I never felt any romance was involved.  I'm not talking some fictional romance novel sex here...but having fun and satisfying the mind and heart, too.

 It got to the point that foreplay consisted of putting the "video" in to set the know how it makes a woman feel desirable when her man is groping her while watching the "**** chick" on the movie.  Okay, at least we had sex, too.

In the space of the last 5 years, we've had sex maybe 10 times.  There was about a 9 month drought at one point.  Right now it's going on 4 months.  I've decided I'm not good with that, but don't know what to do. 

  I've brought it up to my husband and he says he doesn't think about it that much anymore, and it's not a big deal like it was when he was younger,  but I don't buy that because he hits the **** sites 4 or 5 nights a week when I go to bed (by myself). 

I know he loves me.  He's proud of all we've accomplished and that we've been married for so long.  Should I be happy with all that I have and call it good enough?  Adultery is not an option for me and I tell myself that getting a divorce and losing my security over good sex seems all kinds of stupid.  But, I could be wrong.






NoBeeEss NoBeeEss
51-55, F
6 Responses May 30, 2007

I'm a 54 yo guy I great health and excellent physical condition and at my age I'd rather wake up before the sun rises and hunt or fish than have sex…and a LOT of guys are like this as we get into our 50's. A huge change for me in the last 5 years.

I adore my wife, we laugh and have fun in life…and she is very attractive. Not just me thinking that either, if we're out she will get hit on within 3 minutes of me leaving her side.

My wife asked me to do a "30 days to better sex" program and of course I said I'd do it, but I also asked her why? :) There are numerous programs out there, but our favorite is the one at MyPartnerAndI.

Each partner completes a private questionnaire, then a "sex schedule" is generated for the next 30 days that respects the needs of both the high need and low need partner.

It's simple, but to long to explain here, but we are on month #6 and she's happy and I'm getting ready for deer season!

10 years from now you are 60 years old.........will it still matter to u if therell be no sex....<br />
thats the way it is and accept it...besides,youre both 50....20 years from now,youre both 70.<br />
its not worth the hassle of a messy divorce...........................if you are 35 or 40(you can still leave)...<br />
but with your age.....i dont think so.10 yrs from now you might take care of a sickly u need each other okay..hand on!

I'm sorry, but I must respectfully disagree.

You're 50, not dead. With today's longevity you could theoretically live another 40 years, which is longer than you've been married now.

I'm not saying "get divorced and run off into the sunset with Mr Right" but I am saying there's nothing wrong with still striving to make your life what you want. There's a lot of life left to live. And you don't get a "do over"

I feel your pain. For me, married 31 years, I have had sex with my wife four times in fifteen years. Like you, leaving the marriage is unthinkable, and adultery uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I know I would be sorely tempted if I met a compatible woman in a similar situation who just wanted the intimacy of good and wonderful sex with am gentle, caring, good man in the same boat. <br />
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Perhaps the cruelest thing of all is that our sexually negligent partners do not own up to the fact not only that they are depriving us, but that they are also putting us in a position where the energy to fight the urge to cheat is a constant drain. <br />
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This is unjust, cruel and unacceptable. Why do we live with it without naming the abuse and confronting the abuser?

Some men do loose their sex drive. Not something we like to talk about cause it can be very embarrassing. Tlak to him, see if he's willing to try a drug to help - viagra and a few others out there.

So why is it OK for him to decide for both of you that sex is uneccessary?

I am against marriage