Hello all...I am 32 and have a husband that I love dearly and am trying to find people to talk to, to learn if my situation is common, if their any ideas to fix, how to try to get him to go to a marriage counselor, or maybe should I just go.
We have been married almost five years but have known each other for 11 years. The love life we started was great! When we first knew each other the lovemaking was at least 5-7 times a week and sometimes 2-3 times a day. As time went on the fire cooled some, as I had expected it to. But here I am 11 years later, married, no kids (trying to decide on this), and the romp in the bedroom only happens 1-2 times a month. Even at the 1-2 times a month the event isn't lasting very long and seems like a chore for the other party. It has been this way for the last 3 years and I keep telling my self that maybe it will get better and it's just not. In thinking back we are starting to move into just 1 time a month. I am at a point where I need to think hard about having a child, because if I have one I will not turn back, I need to keep a marriage to keep a child (or at least that's what I believe is good). I fear that after a child the sex will be even less...and I am thinking if I am having problems now what's to say it won't get worse. I won't want to put my potential/future child in a poor and sad family situation like what I came from...although I was fortunate to be where I am now (thank God and I hope/pray for others in my similar situation) I will be damed if I will put my own child through it. I am a person to needs to have intimacy at least more frequently then I am now to keep my sanity and to think that my significant other loves me.
I don't understand what has happened and I am scared to take the next step (having a child) if I am feeling unsure...it's like thinking about permanent rejection and would I be ok with that/live with that...so the question is how can I fix it, how can I get him to go to a marriage counselor.....if all else fails maybe I need to skip having a child file for divorce and start a new life.