How Do I Hold This Over Our Family and Not Feel Guilty???

I have read so many stories that are just like mine. It's almost relieving to know that it's not just me but at the same time depressing. I have a 10 mo old baby girl, I love him very much and in all other aspects of our relationship we are happy. But if we have sex twice a month it's a banner month. More or less you could set your fiscal quarterly reports by our sex life... and we aren't even married yet. We are engaged for Oct. I know with out him I will be miserable and our daughter deserves to grow up in a full and loving home, but I am becoming bitter and resentful. When I get frustrated and cranky from being rejected, again,  he says that I'm not being understanding, and then I get some crap reason why he isn't in the mood. We are supposed to start therapy in a week for that and go figure trust issues (he thinks I'm cheating, which tells me he knows I'm being neglected- and btw while it has crossed my mind I have never and will never) but while the therapy may give him a better idea of what I'm going through it's not going to make him want me any more. At best I will get some initial pity sex, which I guess I should be happy for, and then it will go back to square one I'm sure. I'm young, I'm sexy, I go to work and come home feeling like a woman who should be wanted and then I'm left out in the cold. Like you guys I have to get the jaws of life out to get any sort of tongue action in the kiss and hugs always feel like he's just waiting for me to get it over with and let go already if it lasts longer than 3 seconds. What in God's name do I do... I can't leave him and break up the family and throw all of our dreams and goals out but I don't want to live with these feelings of anger and resentment for the rest of my life either.
RobinJoy RobinJoy
22-25, F
7 Responses May 30, 2007

Hi Robyn,<br />
I suggest that if you are sure he is not cheating on you it might be stress in his life that turns him off sex. If you can rule out both of those I would suggest you dont marry him either. As you are already finding sex is such an important part of a relationship and I would say in a majority of cases the amount and quality of sex only gets worse during the course of marriage.<br />
If you do leave him, both you and your cute little daughter will find happiness elsewhere. I suggest sooner than later!

I wholeheartedly agree with the others here who posted that you should NOT get married. You are so young. If you already resent him, there is not way it will improve once you're married. It is better for your daughter to grow up with two parents who love her but live apart than for her to live in a home filled with bitterness and anger. Ultimately, you will divorce and you will regret that you ever married him. Stay strong, believe in yourself and do what's best for you in the long run.

Please!!!! I implore you do not marry with this going on. No it does not inprove with marriage. If it is going now it will continue. At least you know before hand what you are getting into. Most of us here it happened during the marriage. Listen to Wallywhite and intpj because they live this life everyday and know what it is life to be in a sexless marriage. Take time to think about this before you say I do. My heart goes out to you.

DONT get married - if things dont improve beforehand they will definitely get worse afterwards. OK your daughter deserves a loving family - if you and he hate one another its hardly going to be a loving household is it, and you WILL get to hate him if he wont satisfy you sexually. You are better than that - give him and ultimatum and stick by your promises. Show him this website to make it clear you are not alone!!

may i ask do you ********** to relieve some of your stress? and maybe you should try doin that in front of him, just a suggestion

Your anger, resentment, and unfulfillment (all, by the way, natural and you are entitled to feel) will only spill over into the family that you are trying to save or create. This is worse for your child in the long run. Think about that. What legacy will your daughter inherit like that? Don't think that she won't know at some point. I say, don't marry this man. Get him to do his part as a father as he helped to create this life. Then tend to your own happiness. It is only from a position of strength that you can be a force in your daughter's life.

wow - and such a young age too. Do you trust him still? How does he treat your daughter? that tells a lot about a man.