I Think He Has Checked Out of Our Marriage

I initally posted my story as Suddenly he won't Touch me.  Now, after some discussion with my husband, it appears to me that he just doesn't even want to be married to me.  How sad is that?  He didn't even give it a year before he began to make this decision, and now we are about 1 1/2 yrs into it.  I have left my country, sold my home, spent tens of thousands of dollars of my own money (he has none) and sacrificed many things including my former lifestyle...and for what?  At least before we had a beautiful, hot, sexual and fun relationship.  Now that the harder work of continuing on as a mature couple is upon us, he just gives up.  God do I feel used.  He is where he wants to be, with the business set up and everything provided by me.  Now he can go on and encourages me to go away for a while, "see how things are after 6 months" have a commuter relationship (no sex) probably so that I won't take everything out of the house and take the car too and so he can go out with his friends and who knows, get a little nooky on the side.  But to ship everything back on a boat again is so costly and without help, near impossible.  And he tries to act so innocent like he couldn't foresee this, that he "doesn't want to hurt me".  Don't you love that line?  As someone just incessantly drives the pain home to you and feeds you that line, or they say, as you are crying your eyes out that "you are only hurting yourself".  Excuse me?  Sorry, you jerk, it is you that is hurting me.   And everything I say he has a counter to it, about what is my fault or brings up something I said or did, or didn't do, or am, or aren't.  I feel like nothing I am or did was right or good enough now, and that nothing I can or will do will be enough to make us right again.  What despair is this?  And I will have all the work to go creeping back home while he just gets to stay and have things his way.  This is how marriage is supposed to work?
anniecoyote anniecoyote
46-50, F
11 Responses May 31, 2007

He has now accepted his bisexuality and is enjoying sex with other guys, he is probably more gay than heterosexual!

Can you say, "He used me" and "I fell for his line"? You have given way too much so you might be overinvested and stuck. But I would make at least a trial walk-away to see how he reacts. And a "my money-your money" budget sounds like a good idea to me.

You can't be serious! What a ******* jerk! Don't leave whatever you do! Possession is 9/10's of the law! If he wants out - make him leave!!!! Oooooohhhhh you're story has made me soooooo angry. What a low life!<br />
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I agree with the others - get legal advice but for the love of God - stay in your home!

It seems often we get hitched to the very one who hates what we love. Why is it that we, including me, dont find the one who loves what we love in life. Life is too short to miss on the beautiful events of life, and sex is definitely should be a major event in our daily life. We share with you the pain you are experiencing.

Take the turkey for all you can and get yourself a real man that will love you for being you- there are still some out there to be had. Try looking in church or common interest activities- avoid bars and clubs. Wish you the best of luck God Bless You. (((hugS)))

Start selling everything - including car and house. Take the money, ship your stuff and go back home. you deserve to be around family and friends that love you.

After reading I believe a couple of your stories on this, I have to say that I agree....almost sounds like you were taken serious advantage of. And I agree, I'd check with a lawyer.<br />
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I am very sorry you have to got thru this.

i am very saddened by your story. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I hope you may get what you need to get through.

Ugh. Sounds like this creep played you. That is soooo wrong. Don't assume he's holding all the cards, though... it would probably be a good idea to look for reputable legal/financial advice. Then again, I may be naive thinking there is such thing as reputable legal/financial advice :(<br />
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I can't imagine ever wanting to get married again.

thanks cmost...absolutely on the mark. He is selfish not meaning to be in a vicious way but like a child who has never grown up. Has no concept of sacrifice to another. I have been married before, for 24 yrs, raised a child, and know the sacrifices that go into those real relationships. He admits he wouldn't ever want children because he can't handle it, and never has money, nor wants the pressure to have to provide or be responsible to anyone. I now see this childishness and selfishness will never permit him to be a marriage partner now or ever.<br />
My bad, that I didn't judge this prior to making a committment and let his "boyish charm" cloud my mature reason. Sex, when we had it, was always more about him than me. He was always selfish in bed and while he can be very loving and "consentido", he is very childlike. While he had some beautiful experiences that I can not regret, I do regret that I threw away so much money and time recently , thinking that we could actually build a life together.

So, no children (Thank God). Financially (screwed). Overseas (without a paddle - sorry LOL).

See an attorney. As mentioned above, sell whatever you can to get the money needed for the atorney and the move back home. Ideally, sell everything and don't ship anything home. You can always get other stuff later that will NOT remind you of him. All you REALLY need is a mattress an alarm clock and a lamp. The rest you can get as you can afford it (think "college student")

I don't think so! I think sex is a very important part of a marriage or relationship. You sound like you have sacrificed a lot to be with him and now he is not responding to your needs. I had a similar situation minus the married part but we were engaged. Things slowed way down on the intimate level just 4 months into the relationship. We stayed together 2 1/2 years and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I learned that when people are selfish sexually or they deprive you then a lot of times you will discover that they are also selfish on so many other levels.