My Husband Isn't Interested In Sex...

I am 25 and my husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 years. We have 2 little princesses together, aged 14 months and 2 years. My husband has never been an overly touchy feely sort of guy and sex has never been high on his priority list. I did know that when I married him. But over the last 12 months or so things have gotten very bad. If we have sex it's only when I initiate. He will never initiate. I believe attraction should be mutual and initiating should come naturally. When I do initiate it only results in sex maybe once a month or so, and that's on a good month. I get rejected time and time again. He doesn't kiss me. We have a super quick peck before he leaves for work and before we go to bed, but not passionate kisses, not even during sex. He barely touches me anywhere on my body. I am made to feel so horrible and my self esteem has diminished. I feel so alone. I am highly considering leaving the marriage. It is not really what I want to do because of the children. I would never want them to think that I have broken up their family. But I know in my heart I cannot live with a sex life like this.
mummyof2 mummyof2
22-25, F
4 Responses May 31, 2007

Mummyof2, you seem to be living my situation but with one difference. I am male so this is happening the other way around. I am 50 and my wife is 40. What you described is exactly wht I am going through. Once a month if I am lucky. No romance. Discussions about it end up heated up. Many rejections indeed. Sometimes when that ONCE comes, I even wonder if I am going to be able to perform due to anxiety. When she starts, sometimes you wonder if it is going to lead to sex. That thought alone plus the anxiety, end up giving me flobby erections sometimes, and end up failing to achieve the deep satisfaction and passion, hence blowing the chance. This has nothing to do with male or female, and it has nothing to do with age. Like mummyof2, I got into the marriage seeing signs of this, but I was niave. I thought she did not want to give me "all out" till we were married. For your info, we dated for 18 months and we have been married for 14 years. I am a father of 2.

I am just 26 and my husband 30, we were 24 and 28 when we got married, so not neccesarily age is the reason.... 30´s, 40´s, 50´s a man should want sex all the time right? Wrong I was wrong. The best luck for you and try to talk with him sternly about this problem, you have two little girls.

I am 25 and my husband is 29, so there isn't a big age different. He makes me feel very unattractive. It's a really tough situation. It does feel like I have to beg for it. And every time I feel like initiating I know in advance I will get rejected but I have to try. There's just no passion there, even if we haven't had it in months. I agree, it is an inportant part of a relationship.

That sounds like a problem I was having with my ex finance. The only time he initiated sex was probably the first few times we ever slept together. After that for 2 1/2 years he left it up to me and I got rejected many times. It does do something to your self esteem. I started getting real depressed and I even put on some weight during our relationship. He would go to bed so damn early like at 8:30 on a Friday night. I got bored and with being so depressed I started turning to food and overeating! I am not morbidly obese or anything but it really screwed me up. I can relate to how you are feeling and I think that sex is a very important part of any relationship or marriage. It's degrading when you begin to feel like you have to beg for it! I am not being conceited either by saying this but I am not unattractive! He was 10 years older than me I am 37 and he is 47 yrs old. I wonder if the age difference had anything to do with it. Is your husband older than you I was just curious?