Still Waiting

Still NOTHING, now officially 9 months, and 2 1/2 weeks and still counting.  Am I the only one who counts?  Does anyone else count?? I guess if I stopped focusing on counting the days it will seem like less time.

mica mica
31-35, F
89 Responses Jun 1, 2007

Why don't you make the first move instead of waiting.
May be he is also waiting and if one of you don't make a move then the waiting will continue forever.
Make a move, stop waiting.

I stopped counting after a decade. Just not gonna happen. At this point I don't want sex from her. Staying for the kids.

Best i can recall is "around 15 years (except for twice, an oddity)". Don't even remember the year. I'm not even sure which century or millennia. Which day, month, year, decade, century or millennia is not very important any more.

From the bottom of my very being, I just don't get it. I just don't. Can anybody tell me in a reasonable manner why anyone would stay in a marriage where according to your own postings here you are miserable? And please don't tell me it is for the children. I call you out on that. To say you are staying for the children is a flat out lie. Of course you don't think so, but I can prove my point simply with a couple of comments and a question.


Comments:
If you are really miserable everyone around you knows this, especially your children. And two, if it has been as long as many of you say, your kids are being raised to believe that this, your misery, is normal, and what marriage and family are all about.


Question:
Is this what you want your kids to believe is normal? I would hope not.
I would think that you would want you kids to reach adulthood with a very clear understanding of what is normal. I would hope that you would want your kids to know first hand what it's like to see Mommy and Daddy happy.


It's time to admit that you and your spouse simply don't like each other anymore. And being so, it's time to move on.

Now, you still want to say you're staying together for the kids?

OK you guys don't like each other. Admit it. It's time to stop arguing. Time to stop calling him / her the refuser. And time to act like an adult and start taking care of you. I mean if you're counting "how long it's been" days, really once you hit the third month time to count was over. Now it's time to act.


Really it's up to you. You can continue to count. Or you can take matters into you own hands.

I'm a numbers guy so counting is in my nature. Math was my favorite subject lol. And if I don't have a number I know the week. Maybe not the exact day but I remember the week. No matter whether you count or stop, its still too long.

The counting is about proving a point - but to whom? Is it to win an argument - to prove you your partner what it's like to live with him? Is it to prove a point to yourself? At which point will it be proved?
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Here's where counting mattered to me:
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I used it to stop the gaslighting my wife was doing, with her passive aggressive tendencies. She would always dispute the length of time we'd been celibate.
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I used it to get a baseline for how many times I'd ASKED or INITIATED sex and been refused vs the number of times she'd said "Yes". THAT was illuminating for me - to see the scale of it and what that meant.
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After that, counting and timing meant less. I eventually found "trajectory" to be more useful in determining options. I look at it like this:
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I know that I won't last forever in a celibate relationship. At least, I won't last as long as she will. And I also know she is capable of secrets and self interest - affairs - that at some point SHE doesn't want to be celibate either. So there's a shelf life here. It's a plane on autopilot, using up limited fuel.
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So unless BOTH of us are DOING something different - are actively working on a problem that we both have explicitly identified is important to fixing for both of us, and are working that program at a scale that far exceeds what hasn't worked so far (just talking about it), it's over. Today. As in - we know this plane is going down, and that nobody is taking over the controls, and any way out of this is being actively blocked. So why wait?

3 yrs 7 mos and 19 days. I don't count but I will always know when the last time was.

uhg

Yeah, we all count.... untill it gets too depressing :(

My OH and I were sexless bar once for 6 years. I posted on here recently about the first encounter a month back. For us it was a total lack of communication, we were both frustrated, we were both missing intimacy but we couldn't voice it to the other person. In the end, he bit the bullet and approached me and it really opened the flood gates, but since then, I know that I can approach him and we'll be fine. I think communication is the key. If someone is refusing to acknowledge that their is something missing in their relationship then it's time to move on. I wish we hadn't waited 6 years, but I'm so glad we persevered because I do want to keep this family unit together, happy and successful. It's not easy working at a relationship, we come from different countries, different cultural backgrounds. I live with him in his family home. Relationships are not all Hollywood romance and it's time people woke up to that before they get hitched. It takes plenty of commitment, compromise, sacrifice from BOTH sides to make it work.

I don't think he's counting. Either he isn't interested in you or he isn't interested in you... is there a medical problem? Is it time you file for divorce and get your penance for his infidelity?<br />
<br />
I've been in a relationship for going on 4 years. WE aren't married. We've definitely run into our issues because my man doesn't have the same sex drive as most and, I'm god damned lazy. We got to a point where we had gone 2 or 3 months and he could have sworn in was last week.<br />
<br />
When I go for more than a couple of weeks, sex starts invading my dreams... I start looking. I start doubting us. After I got frustrated enough, I had to tell him he needs to initiate with me more often. I'm not very good at initiation. I'd never had a relationship before where my boyfriend wasn't trying to peg me at every available moment... except for the cheater... Now we sometimes go weeks but, we'll always try and, it always ends well. <br />
<br />
I feel like... if any of you aren't getting that, has hard as it is to make uncomfortable choices, end it now. Find something that makes you happy. Life is too short for this bullish.

I used to count, but it got just too damn depressing.<br />
<br />
We used to do it several times a week, and it was GREAT. Then it was once a week, then once a month, and then ... well, you know the story. I used to know exactly how long it had been since she had last let me touch her.<br />
<br />
I think it's been about two years now. Not sure anymore...

I used to count, but it got just too damn depressing.<br />
<br />
We used to do it several times a week, and it was GREAT. Then it was once a week, then once a month, and then ... well, you know the story. I used to know exactly how long it had been since she had last let me touch her.<br />
<br />
I think it's been about two years now. Not sure anymore...

I count, I am at 5 1/2 months. I know the feeling all to well! Good luck!

Yep...I count. Coming up on 6 years. :(

Almost 8 months here. :(

Almost 8 months here. :(

I hear you. Valentine's Day 2006. And I've been faithful. Don't think I'm going to hang in much longer.

Haven't kept an exact count, this time its up to approx 4-5 months.We have been married 32 years, 3 kids.Thy are all adults now. Been through almost every issue I skimmed on this site. Yes she was abused when young, yes sex diminshed with the kids.<br />
Yes, her hormone levels dropped which killed her sex drive. Yes she was on anti depressants which also killed her sex drive. Yes, she was afraid of getting pregnet, a lot of Yes, "buts".<br />
Well I am really tired of the xcuses, the rejection. My pet theory is men to some extent ( not totally) express intimacy through sex. We tend to place greater wieght on being ntimate through sex. So instead of getting PO'd, upset, really angry and resentfull, have resigned myself this is the way it is. <br />
We have tried talking. She has never wanted too really open up.I still love her, always have. But after almost 25 years of declining sex, I am at the point where I have to train myself not to give a &*~%# about missing out on sex.

Yeah I count also 1yr now,if I mention it he says who is counting,he will sleep on the sofa all night rather than come to bed with me,it is the cause of every argument we ever have,I go around feeling unloved and rejected all the time and as I am a very loving giving person it is extremely difficult.<br />
Anyway to protect myself I imagine we are just good friends that live together,and I have withdrawn from showing the love I have for him and just go about my day alone and stay out of his way,this is having an effect on him,he says im punishing him,I say no im stopping punishing myself and living with the resolve we will never make love again,and the fact I can look after myself all I want and wear the sexist underwear smell nice etc but it would never make one ounce of a difference to him.

same story! except he doesn't even acknowledge that anything has changed, so no i'm punishing him conversation. everything else, he says he just likes sleeping on the sofa. has nothing to say when i say i feel unloved. the sexiest underwear, the greatest perfume, new haircut whatever. and i know that i still should look after myself for myself, but i just haven't cared in so long now, i do thin i have some level of depression. only recently, very very recently, have i started reminding myself that i should do this for me. just for me. just coz a new haircut makes me happier. coz. it makes. me. happier.

To be honest, I can not understand, why so many men, suffer under this form of sexual pressure. For me and my Girl ( im not married(yet)), it is a sign of love, of intimate feelings and lust of cause. <br />
Ok, I may be a bit younger than the most of you, but I think, it is really strange if you can not share your sexuality with your partner.<br />
Or are there actual reasons for this behaviour? Like religious reason, or a sort of a philosophy? In this case its a complete different situaion.

no im counting too it has been almost 10 months for me and the last time we had sex, he was drunk and we haven't even been married for 2 years yet.

We had sex last night and I could not enjoy it (afterwards) I cried because I knew it would be months before it would happen again.

I get started today counting . but from what I see its going to B a long time

larsv1,<br />
I feel for you and am pretty sure if I had been in the same situation while married, I would have chosen the same path as you have done. My partner had physical and I realize now, mental problems, which was why I remained with him as long as I did. I probably would still be with him if he hadn't left. (Guess I'm both loyal and masochistic) Yes, there is a lot more to life than sex, but when your partner cringes when you touch him or pushes you away or gets furious because you want to express your love physically for him ... well, you get my drift. These negative feelings can consume you and I believe that is when we need to leave. However, for some perverse reason, many of us choose to stay in what has turned into a loveless marriage. Is it habit? Is it because we can't believe our partners don't love us as we once believed they did? Is it because we hope things will get better? Is it because we believe we don't deserve better? To have had the selfless love and caring, the warm intimacy that you have for your wife would have been wonderful.

Larsv1<br />
You really know what it is to love unconditionally. Your situation is a little unique because of your wife's health.<br />
I applaud you for being so sincere and sharing your story. <br />
I do however believe that a marriage without health problems on either side would be very vunerable to outside influences and feelings of not being loved by their mate. In these cases it's like why be married?

It really is sad to hear these stories, even worse is knowing that people actually stay in these relationships.<br />
We only have one life to live and love. Don't cheat yourselves of that opportunity. <br />
I was in a twelve year marriage that was abusive and struggled to leave because I was living in fear.<br />
Now I'm fifteen years into my second marriage and life is good.<br />
Live by faith one day at a time, and I'm sure love and happiness will find it's way to your door.

When my wife and I were having sex, I used to count how many times a year and how many months in between. Then when we stopped having sex, I counted the months and then the years since. I have now forgotten the month and only remember the year, so I switched to Presidential Administrations. <br />
It was Bush. George Herbert Walker Bush.

I too have been in a mostly sexlessmarriage for 17 yraes. I am a counter. I don't really know why. It's sooo depressing. We average 5-6 times a year, only after we'v both been drinking, which is not always rewarding for either of us. The longest was about 14-15 months. At least 3-4 of those stretches. Hubby bames me for it. Says mean things. I am a physicallyfit thin, attractive 43 year old who is lonely and ad. Angry too. Whata waste.

Due to wife's health events , I hav gone 9 years now in celebacy. I have moved thru many stages, anger, frustration, temptation(s), rationalizing an affair or finding a trusted " special friend " ... yet I linger on taking no action(s).. acceptance now that it is not my wife's "FAULT" .. it is my reality.<br />
I began 2 years ago to really think about it and realized ... In life we spend such a small amount of actaul "time" engaging in sex. There are many forms and levels of intimacy. So I seek them out in all there forms. A reassuring look, a hug, a passing gentle touch, kind words exchanged and so it goes . She is my best friend and I am still after 38 years of marriage love her deeply enough that I believe physical sex / ****** is such a fleeting event. It seems now such a small thing to make such a big thing of .. But this is just me.

Please Immplusone, are you a woman or a man? I would be curious why a man (my husb) has no sex drive.......

Immplusone,. can you enlighten us as to the reason you have no sex drive - if you know what that reason is? And what have you done to recover it?

I feel for everyone of you but seeing things from the other side of the coin -- try not having a sex drive for 6 years 11months 26 days and who knows how many hours. I know that my partner gets very upset and it hurts to know that I am the reason -- so I give in most of the time; however, I never thought sex should be about acting out something you just didn't feel.

I don't count specifically from a date, but It's been about 3-4 months so far this time, and on average it's a 4-6 times a year marriage. Once so far in 2009....

I don't count specifically from a date, but It's been about 3-4 months so far this time, and on average it's a 4-6 times a year marriage. Once so far in 2009....

Sexless since July, '07. Yes, I count, but instead of days or weeks now I'm headed into months or years. I don't expect it to improve. Wife more interested in casinos, relatives, and helping others. No time at all for me, and she will not talk about it either. I'm 66, she's 65. Sex life was great until July '07, including HJs and BJs (without completion).

5 years next month for me - but I decided to find it elsewhere - but it's not regular enough. we just dont seem to want each other. Or maybe it's me not wanting her??

I love him madly, so i think leaving him just for the sake of physical needs would be too mean...so after reading all your stories I am gonna try...try my best to win him once again :)

Quokka, wrong forum; wrong place; wrong. . . .

I am an older man in Perth Australia ready to help women sexually if i can. Contact me on quok.ka at hotmail

I count every minute and it has been 5 months and 2 days...I am ready to give up and leave..please help if you can

Yes, I counted and even though I am no longer married, I still count. Anger ... frustration ... you name it. My ex used sex as a control. I think the person withholding intimacy does so unconsciously at first. Then when he/she sees the reaction, likes the control. There are many issues involved, some of which they are not aware. My ex was extremely selfish and admitted he had misogynistic tendencies. He thought women were stupid and inferior, all of which I learned after marriage. On reflection, we married too soon after meeting. I knew he had physical problems, but he seemed to want me and I thought we could work it out. I thought he was mature, but it turned out he was just old. Perhaps I was too available. Pardon the pun, but I can count on one hand the number of times he initiated sex. In the end, I got tired of the humilitation of being refused, just to find him servicing himself if I arrived home from work early. The laughable thing was that he thought our sex life was great! We went months and years between sex for 10 years. Finally, when I asked him if we would ever have sex again, he responded that he didn't know. Soon after, he left and didn't return. That was over five years ago and we had only been intimate once seven months before that and not at all for a couple of years before that. It was not because I didn't want him. I think he got into cyber **** and lost interest in everything else. He was on the computer for all hours and I was too dumb to suspect. Right now, I am afraid to have sex. I am overweight and don't feel attractive. I am afraid of being hurt. I haven't met anyone to whom I am attracted. I still have unresolved feelings for my ex. I don't want a traditional relationship. I enjoy living by myself.

Sex requires some sort of attraction or desire. If you are not attracted to someone, or have no sexual desire. It "ain't" gonna happen- unless it's done out of pity or love- and that is degrading. Let's face it, sex is physical, and until we distinguish sex from love, we will have sexless marriages. <br />
Of course one should assume that you try and maintain your body - not let yourself go. Otherwise I think this is a natural consequence of age and our modern institution of marriage.

Yes, I am counting...it has been two years for me and I am VERY angry! I feel like I am wasting my life in this marriage and tell my husband that I am divorcing him as soon as the kids are a little older. He cries and tells me how much he wants to stay married and then nothing changes. I am not sure I even like him anymore!

I guess it is good to see that I am not alone. I have been married for 2 years (and one month) now, and we have had sex 4 or 5 times. We have know each other for 10 years, and we had a great sex-life before the big day. The last sexual encounter was in Aug. 2007. <br />
I have tried to talk to him about it, but he says that makes it worse...is it time to try to see someone? I don't think he takes therapy too seriously...<br />
Any ideas?<br />
Thank you!

I stopped counting days a long time ago, and instead have moved to counting in blocks of months and years. It's been over four years now. My wife does not speak much about it. I am clueless as to why she does not have any interest in it and/or refuses to even speak about it. At the same time, she does not want a divorce. All I want is a happy marriage, and it's crushing not to have it. Any thoughts you can share on why women (in general) may not want sex will help. Please. Thanks!

yes, I count. 19 months 2 weeks (last time was 1/1/08, so it's easy). And that time was 'hurry up, aren't you done yet?', so the last mutually satisfying time was about 10 months b4 that. I resort to lap dances. How depressing.

Well atleast i know i am not alone its been 9 months for me i do not know if i sould stay or start over after 27 years

I'm furious! I've been married 6 years to a wonderful man (in so many ways). However, in September it'll be 2.5 years since he's touched me. Prior to that we'd go a year, 6 months, etc. I can literally count on two hands how many times we had sex. It's utterly amazing to me that we have two children. I'm at a loss, don't know what to do anymore and am about to give up. If there were no children involved, I'd of left a long time ago. The experience is very painful. I'm in my sexual prime and can't do anything about it. What woman doesn't want to feel like her husband desires and wants to be with her? He was married once before and his ex cheated on him. I think I now know why. I've tried to overlook this situation and think of all the positive. Outside of this, we have a really great marriage and our children are our world. Do I just sit by and wait until the children are older and then leave? He's tried Viagra, Cialis and injections to the penis to get erect. He says his problem isn't when he's doing it but getting the desire to take these pills or the injection. I don't get it. If he can't get things going for himself, you'd think he'd "try" to please me in some way but he doesn't. He'll do other things around the house or whatever and then say, "I try to make it up to you by doing other things." I just don't buy it. I know he loves me but then I start to think, "If he really loves me, wouldn't he at least try to be with me intimately?" His worst fear is me leaving him because of this. Yet, still nothing. I'm sad, I'm pained, I'm humiliated and I'm mad as hell. Is anyone doing anything that's dealing with this or getting any good advice?

mine is 1 and half years and 4 days and till now i am virgin after marriage......

I count too and its only been two times this year. When is enough? When is it ok for me to say NO! Is it selfish of me to say "Hey I want a seperation!" Would that even do the trick and open his eyes?

I dont' count, but it's usually at least a month or 2 maybe even 3 between sex. I just have to Do the "work" if I want anything. She was persistant for a while when I was going through an "unattractive" phase. But we've both beenworking out and feeling better about ourselves. She has no forplay! Its a turn off. So if I don't do the working up...we just sleep. <br />
How do you tell her to "put the moves on me first?"<br />
make me feel sexy!

I count. After 6 to 8 months I get so depressed I forget to count. It's the forgetting and numbness that worry me, those times when I am so numb to it all because I am so far past hopeless. I have to stop allowing myself to become a zombie. It isn't healthy.

Havinf read some of the comments here I now think I am lucky it is only been 3 months for me!<br />
We are probably going to seperate, but i worry about all of us surviving- the kids mainly. I guess it happens and people get over it.<br />
Does it stress me- hell yes. My wife was never a "sexaholic" and didnt really particpate much unless asked, but now it is zero I miss it soooo much

break the ice people<br />
go have sex,for god's sake.

Do I count? You bet I do..! I've been married for almost 6 years now. The last time we had sex was almost 4 weeks ago and that ever since I got my child (who is almost 5 years old), meaning I only had sex with him once in the last 5 years! Days turn into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months into years..Have I not told him that I wanted to divorce, he would not have made ANY MOVE to solve this problem... now I have started counting again..i'm afraid it's gonna be the same again like before..nothing will happen..

I count and mark my calendar with a tiny little heart to keep track. There have been fewer and fewer hearts on my calendar in the past years and months. <br />
<br />
I miss the intimacy...I don't even get hugs or looks from my husband when I am walking by in next to nothing...I guess TV is more interesting. There are NO- "hi, how are you" phone calls during the day, no smiles, no acknowledgment at all, no attention, nothing, nada!<br />
<br />
We don't sleep in the same bed or room. <br />
<br />
Even when it does happen, it seems frustrating, because you have NO idea when the next time will be...<br />
<br />
Intimacy is a BIG part of being married, my husband doesn't even seem to be interested in SEX.<br />
<br />
I donated ALL of my nightgowns and lingerie to a Women's Shelter...why bother? (sigh!)

Yup counting, its been 25 months since my husband finally gave into my requests and i have now given up on trying. I though I would never get a divorce but am now seriously considering it. Can you be happy in a sexless marriage? I don't think so. I honestly think that couples need intimacy at least once a week and both individuals need to make the time and effort for the sake of their marriage. Its okay to go beyond this from time to time but both need to want to reconnect and both should miss each other when it can't happen. When one partner doesn't miss it something is definately wrong. We have two kids and that is the main reason why I am still in this marriage, but have given myself a deadline and will compell myself to act and change this horrible situation. I am 32, am thin, look amazing in a bikini and each day that passes I just get more and more angry at my husband. Eventually, I will move on, and will let you know if the grass really is greener on the other side.

this is very very scary...i am married for three months and i feel some where my future could turn out like yours ... my newly married wife is really okay if we dont have sex for a while ... put it this way if i dont metion or nag...it prob happen every three weeks and worst of all when i tell her about it it seems she realizes and suddenly wants to ave sex or the next night ...i asked her if she fantasises and ...Nothing...almost never...Help im scared...(sad Face)

I used to reflect on how long it had been every so often. Expect for months I would think “sex twice in a year and a half” and then realize another 6 months had gone by, and another 6 months. I got divorced yesterday after splitting up about a month ago. Just before signing the divorce papers he said the sex problem was because he was a ************ addict. It didn’t stop me signing. In the last 4 weeks I have had more sex than in the last 4 years of marriage. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know it was the right thing. I hope he gets help and goes forward and has healthy relationships.

I stopped counting....But I was always able to figure it out.....I mean each and every month ....well most months have a holiday in them....AAll I had to do was to think of the holiday

I can't remember the last time my wife were together, probably months, maybe just weeks. I miss the physical contact very much. Still love her, but she has health problems she has no control over. Too bad for me.

hi im a aussie male feel for u. i aldo count wife uses sex is a tool been 6 month & 14 days

wow..I thought I had some problems but I see this is a whole over ball game!<br />
Me and my husband went about 6 months recently without sex BUT we have been doing up our house and were without a bedroom and slept in two diffrent places..sometimes I think just having one of you roll over and cuddle is enough to lead to s.e.x but neither of us could be botherd to sneak through the house in the dark, then BACK to bed because it was too uncomfortable to stay together for the night! <br />
We also have 3 kids who until recently have been avid bed swappers in the night.<br />
Things are getting back on track for us....but some of these comments make me sad for their post-ers wasted years **hugs to all**

Type your comment here...

over ten months up till last night, and last night was another one where my wife had an attitude of "just do it already" I don't know why she went from sexy little nymphette who would do things in my boss's office when I worked late to the woman who doesn't even want me to kiss her with some passion because it's uncomfortable and tickles and makes her push me away as a reflex

I thought I was alone in this... even more surprising is that females complain about it. I keep my appearance up and try to be what... I dunno.

I am newly married and we have had sex 3 times in 3 weeks. Its me not my husband. I m 60 and sex isn't all that comfortable for me. My husband is a kind and loving soul but when it comes to sex he just wants the act and no foreplay and then he is off to sleep. I really don't want it but feel guilty. He has not been to sexually active. Its personal but he is too big for me and it hurts and it isn't fun. What do I do.

I am now guilty of counting. Since my wife had our child 3 years ago, sex has been put to bed (no pun intended). She has become a mom ( a good thing) but bad for our relationship, she knows I am basically a nymphomaniac and I can't control my desires. So the last 3 years, sex is around 5 to 10 times per year. I read some comments on here about 'years' and that freaks me out.

Count? H-E-L-L ya. When you aren't getting laid - the only thing left to do is count (ha! ha!). I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I'm too tired of sugar coating it and the utter shame of it. If I don't laugh I cry.<br />
<br />
Married 10 years to my husband<br />
I've had 4 LONG dry spells (no sex at all)....please note we have 2 children and none of these dry spells had anything to do with pregnancy or post-birth stuff.<br />
<br />
1st time = 14 mos.<br />
2nd time = 16 mos.<br />
3rd time = 13 mos.<br />
4th time (just ended 4 days ago) = 19 mos.<br />
<br />
I've been married for 120 months --- 62 of which have been completely without sex. This number does NOT include the times when I was too PG or that we were averaging once every couple months. <br />
<br />
SICK eh!!!!<br />
<br />
I wish I knew how to "let go" and move on in this relationship without sex. If I ever find out - I'll let you know. Until then....you are amongst friends

Count? H-E-L-L ya. When you aren't getting laid - the only thing left to do is count (ha! ha!). I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I'm too tired of sugar coating it and the utter shame of it. If I don't laugh I cry.<br />
<br />
Married 10 years to my husband<br />
I've had 4 LONG dry spells (no sex at all)....please note we have 2 children and none of these dry spells had anything to do with pregnancy or post-birth stuff.<br />
<br />
1st time = 14 mos.<br />
2nd time = 16 mos.<br />
3rd time = 13 mos.<br />
4th time (just ended 4 days ago) = 19 mos.<br />
<br />
I've been married for 120 months --- 62 of which have been completely without sex. This number does NOT include the times when I was too PG or that we were averaging once every couple months. <br />
<br />
SICK eh!!!!<br />
<br />
I wish I knew how to "let go" and move on in this relationship without sex. If I ever find out - I'll let you know. Until then....you are amongst friends

It is sad for most of us. Jan 13 was the one and only time so far this year.

I don't count....too late for that..I have been in a sexless marriage for 34 years now, and I mean SEXLESS, no touching, and no kissing for the last ten years....we never did consummate our marriage, so I'm not sure if it's even legal....I just had my first affair, and I now look at my husband with new eyes, and wonder why I stayed so long...don't know where I'm going from here.......

Yep, another counter here. Been a month for me, so hearing about you all going for years without it is scaring the crap out of me. The longest we went was 8 months. Im scared we will end like that.

I got it 7 times last year, I guess I'm the lucky one.

I am dealing with the same and married 25 years. Right now I am doing everything she has claimed causes the sex issue. I am giving it until the end of this year, then I am either going to have affairs on the side or leave her. I will not live my life as a monk.

I don't understand you guys; why you don't divorce? And have countless relationship with a right person. My husband was counting while he was married with his ex. Now he might count, but only how many time a day! Much better huh?

not counting is ignoring. we all do it. such an awkward subject to bring up, i feel for you.

Yep, I count. It was October 4th, 2008 the last time I had any sort of sex with my wife.

I used to write down when we DID have sex, since there don't seem to be any new entries, I stopped. It's just been forever now....

Yea, I've been counting, but decided to stop. What the hell is the difference once you have reached 5 years? Very depressed and angry over it. I try not to think about it, but it just doesn't work that well

my first husband and i both foolishly went ahead and got married when we both knew it was wrong. we had 2 kids, were married 7 yrs. i LIKED him as a person and friend, not husband. i stewed over what to do for about a year and finally decided i wasn't going to stay in a sexless, loveless marriage just for the sake of the kids,knowing that they would just see us arguing all the time. in my mind i wanted more for myself, him, and my kids. its been ten yrs post divorce and i think we're all in a better place..

I'm at 11 years, 10 months withour being touched or having been allowed to touch her. Yes, I count and I'm angry.

Yeah, I count too. Get this...the other day I even asked my husband if he had a friend that would like to go out with me and maybe make love with me. I told him I have needs and desires and I am tired of ************. He said he doesn't think even about ************. This is not normal for a 39 yr old.

I try not to count. It's been awhile, to be sure. I make sure I get too busy, with the office, the side work, and the kids. But then, I remember, and have to deal with the anger, depression, humiliation all over again. It just hurts too much.

you are not the only that counts. When you have sex once or twice a year it is impossible NOT to count. But be optimistic life has to get better or worse but not stay the same and according to that, take your decisions

haven't had intimacy since the previous millenia. It is very depressing to admit that.

I believe we all count. As the frequency becomes less and less... t is just normal to count. It's now been 9 years 8 months (I no longer count the days). It was October 1997<br />
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I miss it!

I count, too. This time it's been 3 1/2 months...

7 weeks to the day... nope not the only counter...