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Just Getting Worse

Like many of you, my relationship started out with an acceptable amount of intimacy, but it dwindled down to pretty much nothing less than a year after we got married. He spent ten years in prison for child molestation, of which he swears he's innocent, and I believe him 100%. If I didn't, there's no way I could be with him, because I was molested as a child myself and...well, you get my point, right? Anyway, his parole was held up for 21 days due to some new law that passed and according to him whatever happened during those 21 days are the reason he no longer has any interest in sex. I might believe him about that, too, except that he was plenty interested in sex when he first got out. So what changed? I don't get it. The last time we talked about it he said things would get better, but I don't see how they could. It's not like he's doing anything to make it better. He barely touches me and kisses me like we're related. I don't know why he bothers at all, but I should probably enjoy it while I can. I'm not sure how much longer I'll even have that much. I can touch him as much as I want if I don't expect any response, but there's not much pleasure in that, and I don't think that's going to be true for much longer, either. He's not as nice to me as he used to be and I can tell I get on his nerves more than I used to. I don't know what's going to happen with us, or even what I want to happen anymore. I'm very confused right now.

Arolea Arolea 46-50 6 Responses Aug 31, 2008

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i know somewhat how you feel. what i do know is that affection is evidently not something that can be learned. if he's not affectionate now he may never be. i fell into that trap...mine said, oh, it will get better...8 years later it's not better. just something to think about.

Is it really fair for you to be treated like this! I feel your pain...I wish you the best!

Yeah, I thought my husband was my ticket to a fresh, new, and wonderful life, too. As we get closer to the one year mark of nothing even resembling sex, though, I sometimes feel like this marriage is punishment for my past. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way, because he's really good to me most of the time and I'm sure he loves me in his own way. I know I love him too much to leave.

Arolea,

I feel your pain and frustration. I am now in my 4th year of living in a sexless marriage. My husband kept saying don't nag me about it and it will get better. So I stopped asking for sex and affection and guess what I am still waiting for (it will get better).

I was in a bad abusive marriage for 25 years, when I met my now husband I thought my life was going to be all fresh and new and wonderful. I think I was living in a dream world. I am now 53 and have never felt lonelier in my life. Especially since I moved half way across the world to be with this man. All of my family are a 24 hour plane trip away.



If you can live with this man knowing that you may never getwhat you are looking for then stay with him. If not then leave especially if you are still young enough.

Life is too short.

Thanks. Sometimes I wonder why I'm still with him myself, but then there are good days when I actually thing he might at some point be ready to have some kind of normal sex life. And then there's all the time I've invested in this relationship. It seems way too soon to bail, especially after reading some of the stories here. People have gone years without sex, how can I think of giving up after only four months?

I'm sorry for your pain... I don't think he is right for you. Why are you staying with him?