I have been married over 5 years and my husband has ED and he hid it from me for 4 years, (we decided not to get intimate before marriage);  he would spend long hours at work and never come home and I was depressed. I tried counseling with my husband after I found out, but my husband never opened up at the sessions and the problem was never resolved. I am so unhappy, I feel emotionally vulnerable and cheated, just very sad that my marriage turned out this way. My husband is hardly affectionate towards me. Has anyone's life ever changed for the better or am I just holding onto a false hope that maybe some day things could get better? My husband cannot understand what the big deal is. I am miserable - a marriage with no affection and no love is not what I thought it would be. He refuses to go for further counseling.
pensive25 pensive25
26-30, F
8 Responses Jun 4, 2007

He started the whole thing by putting his male ego ahead of everything else and not addressing the ED issue promptly.

ED is generally considered to be a condition where his penis won't get hard enough to allow for penetration. The good news is that it's easily treatable in most cases. The bad news is that what you're describing isn't a dysfunction, it's a syndrome. ******* idiot syndrome. Although hopes remain high, I believe a cure for this one is still a year or two out, so hang tough.
In the absence of any further insight of my own into this problem, my magic 8 ball advises annulment to be "worth considering".

In legal terms a contract is null and void if it is signed under false pretenses. Grit your teeth, bite the bullet and trade him in for a dude that has equipment that WORKS!

Wow what a legal case of CAVEAT EMPTOR - there should be a legal remedy using the concept of Withholding sexual pleasures. In Catholic canon law when one party de not want children -which required sex that is until recent artificial methods have been developed- this is grounds for divorce. The other thing is that one should always test drive a car before one buys it, That goes for both used and new cars.
So you ma be screwed - pun intended - CAVEAT EMPTOR !!


Does he use "the pill"?

Oh you sound so sad. Some marriages do improve, others don't. I guess only you can know whether there is too much missing from this relationship to make it worth fighting for.
Does he talk about things at all with you? If not, it is hard to see how things can improve.
I have had some hard times in my marriage. I found it helpful when communication wasn't working to write a letter to say how I felt about things.

pensive25 I am so sorry to hear your story. But hey he lied to you from the very beggining. He had ED and cleverly lied to you and hid it to you. In mainstream Christian religions and in some countries, hide this info before getting married can be a reason to get it annuled. I am sorry but in this case, I dont see reasons for staying.... of course is your decision but I do not know you will feel better for staying in your marriage. Hugs

I have been upset all of today. He said that there are other things more important than this marriage. I am done, just angry with myself to have waited for so long for things to change. I am just totally taken aback by the harshness of it all.

Pensive25: <br />
I wish I had good news. Here's the reality: <br />
based on what you said, he has already told you where your needs fit in his world. <br />
<br />
Maybe you can get him to understand. But if it can't, bolt. Get out. It's not like you have a spare life to waste, and the clock is running.