The Other Side of the Blade

If you think about it, you realize that our partners, by passively disengaging from the relationship physically, are forcing us to do what they don't have the will to do... deal with something bad.  I never in my worst nightmares thought about going without sex.  But that is exactly what I'm having to deal with.  And worse, I'm treated like there's something wrong with me for letting it make me feel bad, or  for even wanting to know why? 
How messed up is that?   I can't imagine any scenario where continuing to ignore it does *anyone* any good.  Why can't "they" answer a direct question about the problem?  Why the evasive, incomprehensible responses?  WTF? 

I'm sorry, but there's something just fundamentally weird and dishonest about it.   So, how is it that the person on the wanting end of this situation is supposed to be doubly able to deal with this mysterious crap, no end in sight?
grendelan grendelan
46-50, M
4 Responses Jun 14, 2007

When you find these answers to these painful questions let us know.

This is exactly how I feel. My wife is passively attacking me by disengaging. I have become her scapegoat for every misery, real or imagined, in her life. I am her punching bag. It started with her putting me down whenever we were among other friends in public. Then I noticed a pattern of every month or so she would attack me in a way that would bring me to my emotional knees. It is a power struggle; it is a dominance issue; I've been able to withstand the onslaught for years now, but once again, she upped that ante and decided she has no sexual desire for me, period. There, take that. See if you get up from that one, you damn optimist.

After reading some of the more recent stories, I realize my situation could be much worse. Still, am I being too dramatic by calling this behavior manipulative at least, and abusive at worst?

I totally agree with you.... my husband is loving, caring, responsible....but how he thinks I can live this live forever is a mistery for me...- why do they do that to us and think it is fine? Why we have to feel so bad for wanting sex desperately?? feel moody now