Very Spiritual

I am hoping that someone can translate this for me. It is a note I received from my wife. When she asked me today “whats bothering you?” I told her that I think about sex everyday, I am not getting any – which bothers me, and that I don’t want to talk about it. She left me this note. What irritates me about this note the most is that nothing has changed. It just sounds like she is willing to roll over and take it, which is utterly repulsive to me. Would anybody get married if they thought sex would stop? I would not have. Also what irritates me, is that this makes me think about my wedding 3 years ago next month. You know when they start passing the mic around the room to let guests say which side of the isle invited them - at my wedding there was this gem of a comment from a guest that got hoots, hollers, and roars of applause. She said something to the effect of “Honey, don’t ever say no to your husband at night. He needs to know that he can always get that at home.” That was a nice intro to our first night as husband and wife, and how I thought that is how it was supposed to go. (For the record I don’t know who this woman was because my wife invited her.) I never thought sex was supposed to be taken off the table. Not for any argument. That is not something that any “partner” controls, but is shared. I digress… Here is the note: “Husband, Please read. We don’t have to talk I’ve told you how I feel about us having sex and you told me I was full of it. I still do believe that is what I heard from the Holy Spirit, but if you don’t agree – meaning you feel like our spiritual lives are fine, that the problems we are encountering are not spiritual – then I understand it’s necessary for me to step back and submit to my husband. If you feel that God is telling you that we need to have sex in order to be one, in order for you to “know” me, in order for anything else in our lives to be right; then I first want to say that I am sorry for putting what I thought was right in front of what you think is right and, second, that I would like for us to have sex. I have learned from this experience what it means for the tie breaker in spiritual disagreements to be the husband. I’m sorry for standing in the way of you leading us as a family and I hope that we can move forward with God at the Helm and you at the head. Yours in Christ, Wife”
rightthere rightthere
26-30, M
10 Responses Jun 21, 2007

She's saying in her bible-ish ways, lets have sex if it is important to you. So, go and bone you wife already!

Very Spiritual. It is very hard to translate the message that you put here b/c it seems there is only part of your conversation involved in the letter she wrote. With that said, I will still attempt to share some things with you with the hope that it will help. I agree with ElleMeza; God created sex, and it was good. At the same time, there is a very important part of that reply that cannot be missed. If the two of you have Christ in your marriage, your spiritual relationships must be accounted for before your sexual relationship. What good is it for sex to be good if you don't include GOD? How is your spiritual health? If everything is supposed to include God be sure not to leave HIM out of it. <br />
As for husbands and wives not having sex. there is some biblical evidence that this can be a healthy thing. The evidence is in first Corinthians<br />
5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 1 Corinthians 7:5-6 (NIV)<br />
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Again, the key here is MUTUAL consent. your wife SHOULD NOT deprive you, but you can decide together that you need to "fast" to work on issues.<br />
Here's an interesting site:<br /><br />
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Summary:<br />
Sex is good and god created for more than procreation<br />
You must tend to your spiritual life AS WELL AS your sex life.<br />
Fasting from sex can be mutual and beneficial

yea - screwed. My first wife used this crap on me during our brief marriage. Eventually she left me because 'god wanted her to' and that she would remain married to JC for the rest of her life. She eventually got re-married (lived with him first) and her 2nd marriage ended as quickly as the first. She still has not figured out what is wrong with her and I doubt that she ever will.

I was going to form my own comment to this, but I'll just simply agree with grendelan. That about sums up what I was thinking as well.

I have to agree with ElleMeza. God did create sex for enjoyment and fulfillment within marriage. He gave it to us as a gift, and He meant for sex to be the prime definition of intimacy and closeness. It is the closest we can get to one another physically and creates an emotional bond that is not forgotten. Unfortunately, we have all taken that He meant for good and turned it into what we want for pleasure. We've talked ourselves into thinking that we somehow deserve to be pleased and fulfilled sexually. The truth is we DON'T deserve anything. There is no law written or unwritten that says we should be having sex frequently or unfrequently. God is very clear about on what things we should entertain our minds. Philippians 4:4-8 is where our minds should be. Then we can start with understanding how great the gift of sex is and how God meant for it to enrich our lives not control our lives. Our self worth has to come from the one who created us not from the one we choose to marry. Read what Paul says in I Corinthians starting in verse twelve of chapter six and through the entire seventh chapter. It is quite enlightening. Pay special attention to chapter 7:3-5. Read Colossians chapter three with emphasis on verses 18-19. Ephesians 5:22-33. I Thessalonians 4:3-8. Hebrews 13:4. Your wife needs to understand that sex within marriage is sanctified by God. If she thinks the Holy Spirit has told her to abstain from sex...she is being mislead unless abstaining from sex for a short while is a mutual agreement between the two of you. The test for her (and you) is to question whatever she feels she is being told or led to do against God's word. Denying you or giving you pity sex is against God's word and His nature. All of us who are denied physical intimacy within our marriages and made to feel guilty, dirty, oversexed, abnormal or whatever are being wronged by God's standards for marriage - not our own standards which are askew from the society, culture, media, and everything else we have been and are exposed to. We aren't entitled to a sex filled marriage, but we are encouraged that when both partners are following God's model for marriage that it WILL be satisfying, fulfilling and enjoyed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Now, the question is HOW DO WE DO ALL THAT!! I have the answers, but I can't seem to put anything into practice. I know God is in control. Nothing is happening without his knowledge, and He definitly knows our futures. I pray He will grant us all wisdom and that we will allow Him will fill the void in our hearts first and prompt our spouses to treat us like He wants us to be treated. Sorry for the sermon, but I needed to hear it lol :)

Apparently, your wife fell victim to the typically American disease of "hypocrisy" or bible insaneness...

Optimistic: I think you get the prize for most said in least words! You make a strong point: if she's married to JC, then she needs to "get thee to a nunnery!", and quit screwing up other peoples lives.

Dude....waiting for divine guidance in the bedroom is not a good sign. Most women just claim to have a headache or they're tired. Using JC as an excuse is going right for the A bomb, it will never get better. Get out of there or stay miserable by sharing your wife with the other guy in her life......JC.

I am saddened by the fact that someone can try to justify things so as not to have sex. My wife uses the excuse that I didn't grow up like her therefore I don't have to fight all the preconceptions and baggage that went along with her experiences and growing up. <br />
Personally I liked her and desired her when I met her. I like her varied experiences that she seems so ashamed by...I have no answer to you or me...

I have the magical Rosetta Stone, so I can translate it: <br />
"I am deeply, deeply confused. My vision is clouded by preconceptions and prejudices, which I am not willing to re-examine."<br />
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At no extra charge, I can also provide a prognosis: You're probably screwed. Anything you do will result in her hating you. Welcome to the club!