Sexless Marriage

I am married to the love of my life, one problem, he is not interested in sex.  He will "go along" with sex maybe once or twice a month.  My desire is at least weekly.  He says he is just not as interested in sex, but loves me very much and wants to be adjust my desire to his.  I find this to be a tremendous struggle.  Without sex I begin to feel less than desirable.  I start feeling like I'm not loved or wanted.  I wonder what is wrong with me.  Everything I read suggests that I should be the one who is not intersted, not my husband.  I don't know what to do with my desires.  I have not interest in having an affair nor ending my marriage.  I love my husband very much. 
candee candee
46-50, F
9 Responses Jun 21, 2007

The problem with people like your husband is,they wont change.the fact of the matter is,he should at least meet you half way on your desires.why do you have to change and not him.that is an ego driven attitude on his part.there is nothing wrong with you,its him.the spouse that holds out on sex will have every excuse possible as to why.my wife even told me it was me,I was the reason she wasn't wanting sex.she finally admitted it was her and not me and had said that as a defense,but the damage had already been done in my head.i will forever have that in the back of my mind.get out if you can or in your case,get your husband to go to counseling so you two can talk about it.i can promise without counseling,this story will end just like mine and you will quietly suffer for years just like me until your brave enough to get out.

But he doesn't love you. Sorry, people who love their spouse want intimacy. He loves the arrangement. He gets the security and familiarity of a marriage without that icky sex stuff, with the extra added bonus that you, not him, are expected to change. And just what do you get out of this? Wake up, sweetie. You're in the web of a manipulator.

I feel for you, I can't understand a man who doesn't need or desire physical passionate contact no matter how he defines it. Personally I think it may be a matter of his ability to or living up to a personal standard of performance. I've have issue's with both of these.

Two options. One spice up your love life with some new ideas. Or the less advised option: outsourcing help for your problem. Be careful with the second one though.

I can relate to what you are saying . Wife had cancer 5 years ago and that is when I sex life ended . No , I have not gone out looking for it but I will admit to caming and chats a few times on here and that helped alot . I do love my wife and not planning on leaving her . But it gets to a point where my needs take over , so i look at vids or if lucky enough find someone to chat with .

My heart goes out to you.....the rejection here breaks me. I feel ugly, I feel to be a terrible lover, and not wanted. You are not alone.<br />
I had to overcome those feelings. I found a few other ladies who would welcome my affection.....If you will look around, there are those around you who would also love to give you the affection and love you desire.......it is not you.....it is not me.......<br />
I had to come to that realization, to keep part of my sanity......<br />
But hang in there.....be encouraged and if you need to talk, I listen really well........I do not have many answers, I still have no clue, but I do listen good

Nature designed us with an solution for most problems & for this it gave us........************. poor substitute for the real thing but...........relief! enjoy

From what I have read it is on both sides of the fence. Though it is assumed that the female is most commonly the one with low desire. They also said that it is not an individual problem but a couple problem. That is the starting point I think. I am going through the same thing myself and trying to find a way out.

have you ever heard of the show talk sex with Sue johanson? she takes calles and she is very open and so helpful, she has an internet site also. her show comes on sunday night at 10 pm. keep trying it will be worth it. good luck