Sad Marriage!

Vessa, it looks a lot more like he loved her for himself than that she loved him for himself.

You story is sad....but I wonder about it.

You concentrate on why you married this lady, and it sounds as if it was based a lot on her nationality and your "research". Perhaps I am misreading, but the story makes me wonder if you really loved this woman for herself. If you felt that she was in love with you in a personal way as well. It all sounds so strange to me, and it doesn't sound like a normal relationship where two people meet, form a friendship, and then realize that they deeply love one another.

It also bothers me that you are considering suicide, since the most important thing on this earth is that you are there to take care of your kids. As a Christian, that seems really really obvious to me. Difficulties with a spouse and our own needs are secondary.

I'm not trying to be preachy, but I have lived alone (and LONELY) for over a decade, and there have been many times when I wanted to die. But my son is here. So I need to be as well. That is my job, and it is the life I made for myself when I married his father and bore my child.

I hope you can find a resolution to this that brings you some peace and doesn't take a father away from your kids.

You sound similar to my dad. My stepmother is from Iloilo and he did the whole visa thing with her too. He was like you. He did his research, etc, thought getting a woman from there would be good...and she seemed sweet 'til she got to California then she turned into a total witch. She's cold too. Now they live in Iloilo 'cause my dad decided to retire there. I lived there for a little while and made observations.



Most women there want a foreigner. Their expectations of foreigners are HIGH, especially American men. They want the visa and expect that once they come to the USA or other places they'll live like a princess. So they act sweet to foreign men but once they move the following can happen:



They could actually love the man and have a normal marriage. And have sex, etc, and be loving.

They can ditch the guy, divorce, and do their own thing after getting a citizenship.

They'll still live with the dude (especially if they have a kid) and not wanna divorce 'cause it goes against their beliefs, but they'll be cold.



And yeah, in many households sex is never talked about. A lot of those women believe riding a bike = losing your virginity and I got looked at as "wild" for being able to ride a bike, not kidding.



It's just that when it comes to those Pinays and doing the K-1 thing, it really depends on the girl. Some men get lucky and pick a good lumpia, others pick a lumpia they think is sweet but turns all moldy and rotten once they're together.

I have talked to her and talked to her and talked to her and she comes up with all kind of reasons. She says it hurts, she has never experienced a ******. She says if I raise my voice to her it turns her off. The first 2 years+ I Kissed her good night held her hand, Though some nights I woke up and sleep on the couch. This had nothing to do with her. I sleep on the couch when i was a kid and am use to it. I told her she did nothing wrong for me to sleep on the couch. She is my second wife and I feel like I am suppose to suffer sometimes because of my stupidity for picking the wrong wife. I have poor judgrment I admit.



I dated a few woman after I was divorce and I just felt as if it was going no were. So I heard about the Philippine woman being good wifes and not believing in divorce and treating you good and your kids. I did research. I talked to other men that are married to Philippine woman, I even talked to Philippine woman that are married to American men, They seemed so great. You know that American woman will tell you to go to hell in a minute and divorce is no problem with them. Its like buying shoes. When you don't like them anymore get a new pair. So I signed up on Cherry blossom.com I had many Philippine woman email me and it came down to this one Philippine woman. I went over and visited her 3 times staying there for over a week to two weeks at a time. When we went to the malls she initiated holding my hand and was very nice and kind and loving. Soon as I got her here to America which was about a year later after going through all the immigration paper work she acted completly different. Soon as she saw my house she changed completely. My house is not the worst in the world but is not a mansion by a long shot. Its a average ranch house. I painted up, had maids come over detail clean it, bought new curtians, I did everything to make it look nice for her when she first got here. Did no good. My wife is from Manilla the largest city in the Philippines. Little did I know that the city women there are as liberated and agressive as American woman. The country woman are more old fashion and romantic.



I am in the Army National Guard. when I get called up for duty in Iraq or Afganastan I will volunteer for some dangerous duty. I do hope I can die for my country. This will also be a blessing to get out of this life. I should be called in 2010 or definitly in 2012. I think if I sign up for IED recovery I will be in a good position to depart from life in a blaze of glory.

Only being married 5 years, try to talk it out. If it was 20 years forget it. Get help if needed.

we are married to the same people......

lea

Shortly before my own marriage ended, I stopped wanting my ex to touch me. The trouble was trust: his temper shattered my trust for him. He was never physical, never called names, but he was good at making me feel like dirt without seeming to mean it. I wouldn't be able to say what's the trouble in your own marriage, but I can say that you and your wife need to talk about it. It could be some simple thing, or it could be a very bad sign. You won't know til you ask.