It's Only Been Six Months!

My girlfriend (no, we are not married) met six months ago, after being on our own for a long time. We hit it off like neither of us had before and were sure we'd found our soulmates.

In the beginning, we were so close, both physically as well as emotionally.

within two months, things started to change and it became clear she had a lower libido than me. We still had sex several times most weeks, and sometimes as little as once a week.

During that "post honeymoon" period, she worked hard to avoid sex without hurting my feelings. it's clear to me as I look back... she'd say the next day "Why didn't you put out last night?" then other times "I wanted to but you didn't..." (wrong, of course) and even "You just want me to initiate all the time."

Eventually she made it clear her interest had declined, and later even said "I'm afraid every night when we go to bed 'will I have to have sex tonight?'"

Ouch.

Since, I've been very patient, but seem unable to stop hinting from time to time, and she's grown afraid of being close and intimate with me for fear I'll want to have sex.

I should say that we're very close still, sleep together every night and are very hopeful. Not to mention, we are going to have a baby at the end of the year.

My issue seems to be that she views sex as "something we do," and little else, and doesn't understand how important it is for me. I need that physical closeness and validation. I'm fearing that she's grown tired of me in that way and just intends on having minimal sex, but I don't want that sort of future. She is far more experienced than I, and perhaps though she truly loves me, she's spoiled herself in some way?

Something I read said "Lovers without sex are just roommates," and that's how I feel lately.

Thanks for listening :-)
TWWhittaker TWWhittaker
36-40, M
6 Responses Jun 28, 2007

Yes, too bad she's pregnant... but you're not married. You can offer her and your child all the support but dont get tied down into such a marriage... leave before you begin to resent her and the relationship.

Maybe she isn't happy about being pregnant and associates those bad feelings with sex now....? I have never been pregnant so I don't know what it does to a female as far as hormonal or mental. Maybe that is a possibility?
You should ask her. Maybe she just feels fat and unattractive so she can't let herself get into sex because of that. You should ask her....LOL

Your problems are just beginning. Too bad about the baby thing. You had a chance to get out. Now you can still get out, and have a sex life, but its going to cost you dearly in guilt, money, lost time, etc., <br />
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Before the baby comes, make it clear what you expect in a relationship. Not maybe, but definitely. Be firm, or get used to your hand. There isn't any middle ground. these problems rarely go away, but the few that do take a lot of work, and the sooner the better. Get her to a doctor or therapist immediately. You may have to lay down the rule that if it can't be made OK, then you love her, you'll be there for the child, you'll give her child support money, but you need to move on. Harsh? Nope. She duped you, didn't she? THAT was harsh. <br />
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I have $100 that says she knew of her sex issues before she started dating you.

I am sorry that a baby has come on the sceen before you decide to make your final move. But your not married yet. I would advise you not to do it. You can support her emotiionally and all the rest without marriage, as much as she will let you. Marriage is a life until death deal with God regardless of how we feel. You have already made several mistakes with woman please dont make another. She and you arent equal in your sex drive and if she really loves you she would just sit down and open up and give you an oppurtunity to make a informed choice.

Nothing to add; jln99, ElleMeza, and youngandsexless are speaking from their hearts. You should listen.

does not sound promising. Run while you can you are not even married. Good luck