What's a Girl to Do?

I also live in a sexless marriage, but I don't let myself get as pissed off as I used to. I'm sure that a lot of people might pass judgment on me but oh well. My husband has done somethings in life that contribute to his abilities to perform. That's not my fault. I told my husband not to expect me to live out the rest of my days without any. I've tried all kinds of things, from one extreme to the other. Nothing. It use to make me question myself as a woman. Cried myself to sleep many a night. Even fought with him about it! It got pretty bad for awhile. I got really depressed over it. Wanted to leave him.

I found myself a friend! And told my husband about it. I felt that if he loved me the way he  said he did, then he should understand. At least I was honest with him. If he didn't like it he could "kick rocks". He dealt with it fine enough. He probably figured less stress for him. IF I'M NOT HAPPY -- NOBODY'S HAPPY! He never wanted me to leave him. He gives me kisses and tells me he loves me everyday. He will cuddle with me too. Most importantly my husband MAKES me feel loved everyday.

I don't go throwing in is face all the time. And I still let him know I want to have sex with him. He always tells me that he just wants me to be happy all the time. I no longer see my boy toy anymore and that's fine with me. He started to get to big for his britches. And I was having none of that. I have a husband. I wasn't looking for another one! I was honest with the "boy toy" from the beginning. So when he crossed the line it was over. My husband knows of all this, and just wants to meet who ever, if I decide to look for someone else, I my be interested in. I've flirted, but haven't had sex all year. But I can feel the time coming. So I've been talking to him about it. He tells me about wanting to meet the person if I find someone, and he just wants me to be happy.   I'm not trying to sleep with everybody and anybody. It does take time to get to know people to make sure they understand what it is I'm looking for. And I always have safe sex. This may not be the right answer for most, but I can say going to him with honesty and letting him know -- let you know what's going on,-- keep you in the dark with the chance of somebody else being messy telling you, -- or you can leave me. You can always "BRING  YOUR A@@!" Thats what I really want.

Otherwise, we have a pretty good relationship. We let each other be ourselves. And trust in one another. Honesty helps things go a long way, no more guessing! If you ask just better be ready for the answer. Nobody can break our bond. And that feeling can be batter then sex. ------------WELL--SOMETIMES! LOL

crazylady crazylady
31-35, F
6 Responses Jun 28, 2007

Sounds like a very healthy approach to your situation. Best wishes in filling that void.

Whatever works! By the way, that is the title of a great movie with Larry David. It kinda describes your world.


I understand that you and you hubby feel ok with this arrangement but do you feel any guilt or responsability spiritually? I mean we all know how it should be and what should or shouldnt be done but how do you feel spiritually? Im not judging believe me, Im only asking.

"Spiritual responsibility" = shame. Religion is not a problem for those of us who try to act morally because we think we owe it to our fellow humans, not because we fear damnation.

I wish I could talk to my husband like that - I have told him in anger once that people who don't get what they need at home do look elsewhere.... I have been elsewhere... and I like it - but my husband doesn't know. I wish I could be honest with him, and although I plan to leave one day, I'm not ready to be booted out the door just yet....so for now it's a secret - a big dark, scary secret... but it sure feels good....

i think it is a brilliant arrangement , wish i could be your next toy boy