I Feel So Empty.

Oh where to start?  How about a little history first.  My life then.......I had always been a very sexual person.  I had been with a reasonable amount of men, Im not a *****, but not a prude either.  Sex had always been fun and I had always liked to experiment with every man I have ever been with.  Name it and I had tried it, at least once anyway.  Sex was great fun and I was really good at it.  

My life now.......I am 38 yrs old and have been married to a younger, 33 yrs old, man for 7 years.  At the beginning of our relationship, 11 years ago, we had great sex, many times a day.  He told me a number of times that sex wasn't really that important to him and that he found his soul mate in me.  Well I wasn't concerned at the time because we were having lots of sex and I thought he was just trying to make me think that if I didn't want to have sex all the time it was ok with him.  Actually what he was saying was that he was soon going to get tired of having sex with me and I should be prepared. 

Sex slowed down to once a week after the first year we were together, and even slower and slower.  Now we are having sex 3 or 4 times a year.  I say 3 or 4 times because that is how many times I gain the courage up to say something.  He then feels guilty and gives in.   

When we do have sex its great, loving, mind blowing, passionate!!  As soon as its over he rolls over with his back to me and is fast asleep.  Nothing is said the next day about the sex and honestly he is not very nice at all the day after.

The non-sexual part of my marriage is great.  He is a wonderful man, great Dad, awsome person, loving and kind.  He holds my hand all the time and tells me daily, sometimes hourly, how much he loves me.  I do not believe he is having an affair, that is not his style.  So what is going on?  Im an attractive woman.  Everytime I go out I am flirted with.  Men like me.  Why doesn't my husband??

I am going to have an affair.  It's not a maybe, its a for sure.  I love him, but I NEED some kind of sexual contact, some passion, I feel like I am dying sometimes.   An affair mean the end to my marriage because I will tell him what I have done.  My son will be without his father and I will be without the man that I love dearly.

I don't really know why I am writing this.  I guess its just a way to get it out, like yelling from the rooftop in a way.  Im just so lonely.

Am I normal??


Meggie Meggie
36-40, F
11 Responses Jun 28, 2007

Yes you are... partners who deny sexual involvement are people who for some reason have UNPLUGGED from life... unless there is a medical reason,,, there is NO EXCUSE... IF YOU HAVEN'T YET move on or take yourself a lover.. nothing will change.. life is to short not to enjoy it.....

How did it all work out for you Meggie?

Yes u r normal I hope I become the one you have an affair with

I don't believe for a moment this is a hacking job or that it has only now happened. I would suggest this has been on-going for many years. Time to get shot of him before he brings something else home. I WOULD ALSO ADVISE YOU TO BE TESTED FOR STD.

Hi Meggie,<br />
I think you have the right idea about the affair thing but don't tell him about it... I am in the same canoe as you and I started having an affair a couple of weeks ago. It feels wonderful....<br />
Say, we should all get together and keep each other happy - whadasay everyone ??? Haha - just kidding!

I think that honesty is a good thing, the affair route is going to end the relationship with a very sour note and not be a great experience for the son. We had a great sex life until a medical condition took me out. Our solution is a swingers club that allows single men. There is a Marine Corps base nearby with a plethora of young healthy guys just out of boot camp. My wife gets all the "sexercise" she wants and needs and there is no jealousy on my part, there is no romance going on with these guys, whose names she usually doesn't know. Our bond is even greater than before. We talked about it, we went there together to " check it out" and found a solution.

I AM SICK AND I AM ON DISABILIY BECAUSE OF MY BACK, WHEN MY HUBBY WANTED MARRAIGE I TOLD HM ALL THE THING I AHVE BEEN THRU Raped at 17 domestic violence all my life even thru childhood and my x was a wife beater i layed it all on the line and said this is the package u either accept it or go on our seperate ways, well he chose to accept it but i never thought i qould be come disabled and it making it worse, i no he gets frustrated alot but hardly ever says anything about it going on 5 yrs now all is well except me doug it anywythe thing i dont like about it the worst thing is i always feel guilty about it bad, just like the house work i cant do that anymore i am a cleaning phanatic boy that sue dhangeds when u cant do it sometime not out of bed all day and others out doing more than i should & end up back in bed vicious revolving door, i think he understands i hope to god he knows i am not doing it on purpose i love him so much best amn i ever ayed eyes in ever i am so spoioled its pathetic, but i definatly understand the situation and one thing that can help me be aroused to help i cant have as i had breast cancer in 2003 took both breast so icant have estrogen in my system, never a dull moment i fell for u and him may god be with u both thru thick and thin and good and bad

meggie I so feel for your situation. Discussion, promises and then nothing....sounds so familiar!!! what you should do after these many years is to actually be faithful to your ultimatum.... A hug honey and the best for your situation

I can see why you would want to do this as I am in the same boat but once or twice a year here. An affair will not solve anything but make life more complicated and confusing. I would agree with the consoling as a starting point.

Thanks everyone for commenting. Ultimatums I have given, over and over. I have told him the words"I am going to cheat or leave you if this doesn't change". This really can't get any clearer. We will have the divorce discussion and that night there will be sex and promises that everything will be different from now on, then the next day it goes right back to "normal". <br />
<br />
Jln I really there isn't much more to tell. I have an extremely high sex drive and my husband has no sex drive at all. There isn't even a problem with erections or anything medical. He just doesn't want sex. <br />
<br />
How can a man want to touch me all through the day in every way except sexually? We hold hands, he kisses me and tells me he loves me, he will even give me a back rub and a foot rub for hours. But as soon as I even look at him with passion in my eyes he freezes. <br />
<br />
I just got off the phone with a friend, she suggested counseling before I make any drastic changes to my life. I guess I could try that first.<br />
<br />

Doesn't sound like you're abnormal! <br />
If your husband isn't willing to fulfill your needs, and isn't willing to explain why, then he's playin' some kind of head game. <br />
You should, however, give him an ultimatum BEFORE going outside your marriage for intimacy.

You are very normal. Isn't nice to know we are not alone. <br />
Good Luck