My Husband Lives In a Sexless Marriage . . . .

I feel guilty all the time. I have been married for almost 6 years and was with my husband for 5 years before we got married. I have two children and I am a full time law student. My husband works two jobs. We are in so much debt I don't know if we will ever get out. My husband just finished grad school, so we are basically in our 4th year of constant stress and no money. We rarely fight, but when we do it's really bad. I absolutely cannot stand my mother in law. I don't particularly care for my sister in law either. It seems like a lot of the fights we do have are over either money or his family. While my husband was in grad school, I was miserably lonely. He was never around and I felt like a single parent. When I tried to talk to him about it, he would tell me to "deal with it" and that i was making a hard situation harder. Now, the shoe is on the other foot and he's feeling lonely and unappreciated. I don't have any lawyers in my family and I feel like no one really understands what law school is like. People think they understand, but they don't. I am mentally exhausted. I feel like I have very little to give right now and I feel that what I do have I have to split between my husband and my kids. We rarely have sex. I just have absolutely no sex drive at all. My husband has a big sex drive though, and so it's a problem. He doesn't complain very much, but I know he feels rejected and hurt. I just feel so depleted. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I need to have sex with him so I can take a break from the guilt for a couple of days. But then, I feel guilty for being insincere. I love my husband dearly. I still think he is so hot. But he has told me he feels like I don't want him. It's not true, I'm just absolutely exhausted.
MsPenni MsPenni
26-30, F
10 Responses Jun 28, 2007

look for the light at the end of the tunnel ... sounds like this will be fixed once you pass the bar ... throw hubby a bone now and then and try to remember why you married in the first place

Ms Penni -<br />
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I hate to sound like Ann Landers, but are you better off with your husband or without him? Even though I love my wife as much as I could ever love a woman, I would really like to have whatever it takes to leave her because she won't have me. You need to figure out what is good in your life and nurture it!

and you raised the net joy level for the entire planet! You should be happy!

Well, I gave him "some" today. And, it wasn't bad. I know it made him happy, so it made me happy.

Remember that! You may not be mentally where you want or need to be for sex, but, as you discovered for yourself, it was better than you expected. You made him happy. You made yourself happy. Forget everything else and keep up the good work!

There may be more time, more passion, whatever, in the future. But the time is now, so keep doing what you just did. It will keep the flame alive. You have determined what to do, can do it and everybody is happy. Some people go their whole lives without even that!

I'm thinking sasxiv nailed it... things will get worse, not better. I don't understand why people think they can make half a choice... especially smart, logical people. If you choose a demanding career over your husband's happiness, exactly what result are you expecting? Or is this somehow payback for your suffering during your husband's grad school thing? It's not like you're victims of someone else's machinations here, these are YOUR decisions driving this.

To add my two cents worth (ok - just 1 cent worth). Law school is hard - I now what it did to my wife. But if you think that things will get better after law school guess again. Lawyers work long hours and put up with a lot of crap from clients. Nothing got better after my wife graduated from law school - as matter of fact it got worse, much worse since then. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but my point is that you really need to work on the here and now, and not hope it will get better someday. Hope that you can resolve your issues and have a happy marriage.

I wanted to tell you that this is about exactly how I feel... Except rather than school we go through stuff with the military! I don't know what advice for the not having the sex drive... Sorry that's kinda my problem. You and your husband should take a mini vaca just you two. That's our plan anyways! Just want to let you know that things change and people change. I really hope that things get better for you!!!

I appreciate the encouragement. Sometimes it gets really hard to see the forest for the trees.

definitly agree with grams... just know your troubles are not going to last a life time (even though it seems like it). After you finish school and you are both back to working, you will get back on your feet and you and your family will be living alot better. In the meantime, however, dont feel guilty about the sex deal. I mean give him some even if you are to exhausted. It is hard being a wife, mother, and a student. But baby, your family needs to come first. Hold them together and everything else will fall into place. Besides that, if you dont take care of your man, some skanky homewrecker will. You are an amazing women doing all that you do. Your kids see this as well. Keep up the good work cause it will all pay off in the end.

It would be terrable to go through all this and lose each other, there are so many ways to show love sex is just one of them, try to eeak out time for the family because with out them all your work and rewards of work will all be in vain if you end up lossing your family. good luck and don't lose sight of whats important in your life.