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What Does The Bible Say About A Sexless Marriage

1 Corinthians 7

Concerning Married Life
“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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So the bible helps you cope with the rejection?

I dislike religion in general, and refuse to obey it. But I do like the fact that the Bible itself has a passage against refusers. Most of the hardcore Christians I've met just get all prissy and anti-sex. I wonder if they even know this passage exists? LOL

I know that all Christians aren't like that. But the prissy, anti-sex ones seem to be in charge. And BTW, when I was trying to believe, and trying to make sense of things, I did read the Bible. All the way through. Four times. Four different versions. So I'm familiar with the Song of Solomon. Although my favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes.

[g] How many non-Christians do you know who have a favorite book of the Bible?

I beg to differ from many of the comments below in that I find this interesting. Verses 2-5 are so common-sensical they transcend religion into human psychology and behavior. They give a certain definition of marriage that many of our refuser spouses and ex-spouses have chosen to ignore. The obligation, that fact that this obligation can be abrogated only by mutual consent, and the fact that if the abstinence is prolonged, it will lead to temptation. (I just ignore the Satan and prayer parts).

Yep, the 2 issues I have with his stance are a) that it is cast in the duty frame, and b) it's presented as a rather negative thing to avoid temptation (better to marry than to burn).

I view marriage as a mutual opportunity for growth & exploration and stewardship (for a wide range of things, not only sex), and a joyous celebration of life - not a hydraulic necessity.

That's true, hl42. I see it more as a bottom line. If you can't enjoy it, at least do it because you promised to do it.

I am figuring that you have been trying to sell your missus on this story of biblical correctness.

It seems just s obvious that she ain't buying it.

That leaves you with the 'moral highground', but with only your **** in your hand.

A total re-think seems indicated. Something where there is a real time consequence involved.

Tread your own path.

I can't quite see the link between your dysfunctional deal, and what happened to your father in law.
Also of interest is your position that your deal is good for your kids. That ain't necessarily so. It's not as if you and your missus are providing a functional role model for them.

A joy to see you back Bazz.

Monk... Separating from your wife doesn't mean you separate from your children. There may be custody arrangements to be made, but the time you spend with them will be better quality without the taint of resentment over your sexless marriage.

You have chosen to stay for now... each day you are presented with the same choice. You may change your mind eventually.

Since you bring up the faith card, as a Christian, I am just going to challenge your thinking a little...

I was born into sin, as a child/teen I sinned, as a fiancé I sinned, as a wife I've sinned, when I separate/divorce I'll still be a sinner, if I remain single or remarry I know I'll still be a sinner then too... My status as a sinner is unquestionable. What is important here is that I've been redeemed. Under all these circumstances, my Saviour's blood covers me with his love and mercy, forgiving me for all my sins... not just in part... but the whole.

I agree that the prayers are what have been critical. In difficult and painful trials, it is even more important to cling to the cross. God will not leave or forsake you.

Best wishes to you as you continue your journey here.
UJ

I personally feel this is not a place for religion and politics.

Good for you that you have your religion and your faith.

But it is YOURS. A very personal choice. I normally avoid answering threads which quote verse from the "good lord". Not today. I am not selfish and there is love in my non christian life. How can anyone make such a comment; how can anyone be so righteous and condemn non christians for non christian thoughts and beliefs.

Your religion is very similar to mine; they both have doctrines and customs and "commandments", but one of the fundamental differences is our vision of the afterlife. Another is our promotion of peace and harmony, no Spanish inquisition type of activity can be found in the history of my religion, violence in the name of our religion, is not and will never be for us. Another difference is that my religion promotes happiness in "this" life. NOW. TODAY. Makes good sense to me.

Why would anyone God create a world where we are all miserable as sin, waiting for death, putting up with misery and sadness, because "we have a much better place to look forward to someday", maybe.

My tickets to happiness lie in my actions, in my everyday creation of cause and effect, I am responsible for my personal karma and I work to create harmony, transforming negative into positive.

I do not believe passively waiting for paradise, is going to make me happy.

My religion does not condemn. Does not judge. It transforms.

Good for you that you have your religion and your faith.

But it is YOURS. A very personal choice.

And dare I say it, no religion should be used as a shield, to be used to judge a person leaving a marriage, especially a sexless marriage.

What you wrote makes so much sense to me!!! I was born and raised as a Christian but have always questioned the "suffering and misery we must endure in order to maybe go to better place"...

I can take a look at myself in the mirror and judge my life choices and only I can decide if I have acted selfishly, only I. I would never feel in any position to accuse even a friend, let alone a complete stranger of selfishness. I have no idea of the life experiences any soul has had to endure, conditioning selfless or selfish acts. My closest friends and family would maybe be able to give me their opinion, but why would I even ask them to judge me so critically? I do not judge them critically and endeavor to empower them and support them through their lives with my actions, not demean them or make them feel "guilt". Only we, when looking into our souls, have even an inkling of what our motivations are.
I know what is right and I know what is wrong, for me. But my values are never going to be the same as yours.
I prefer not to judge. I am "perfect". I am human and I make and will make mistakes. That does not make me a a "sinner", it makes me human. I refuse to judge either myself or others around me, I find sweeping judgements to be totally counter productive and fear evoking. Life is hard enough as it is. I prefer to keep my thoughts and actions positive and transform my mistakes through honest, sincere communication into acts of human development and growth. I am taught by my religion, that I am "perfect" ,good and bad lies within us and there are life lessons to be learnt through cause and effect of my actions. I find it very comforting and powerful to know that I am not seem by my religion as a sinner. Therefore, I give great value to living an authentic and honest life.

My feeling about the issues your raise with religion and politics is that it is context dependent.

So, when in the past, we've had spates of judgemental posts based on religious views, self-glorification coupled with implicit or explicit denigration of other peoples' choices, that's not OK. I didn't get that sense from Monk's post at all, and kudos for your apology.

Amen brother

Although this is pretty clear:

a) there are other strong messages in Christianity (and other religions) that sex is unworthy/wrong/to be minimised/only for procreation, or that virginity and abstinence are more worthy.

b) Christian refusers seem to find it straightforward to ignore it, perhaps bolstered by secular messages of individual autonomy.

Whatever, the line "fvck me baby, Corinthians demands it" does not have a good track record.

I think your idea of having church leaders spell it out a bit more generally and specifically in marriage prep would be a darn good idea and save some suffering. I happen to like the notion of mutual stewardship as being part of a worthwhile marriage, though I'm not religious.

From another perspective I would just like to say that this is utter bull. I mean what did you really type there? Some garbage that was written thousands of years ago as "law" because people were having sex with each other out of wedlock? Well, centuries have passed and that is still happening.

I am going to get flamed here by the jesus-fish-on-the-back-bumper set, but whatever. The reality is that there is no moral law. Each of us decides what we are willing to endure in our relationships. We choose to go or stay based on what we value.

There is no magic spell that you can recite to compel your spouse to want you the way a person longs to be wanted. Even if there were, would that solve your problem?

Morality-as-groupthink emphatically does have a reality - you can be strung up for it! There is evidence that morality has a strong social/group dynamic (and also reflecting in reputation etc).

Many non-believers also think that at least the New Testament has some fine ethics in it - the issue being whether people follow them when the chips are down, including Christian refusers.

"I'd much rather believe that the creator of this world left us an instruction manual to live in this world and that we have a much better place to look forward to someday than have the nerve to think that I can make up my own truths based on the extreme bias and selfishness that would include."

As an agnostic/hard leaning atheist, I take offense to this. Apparently, since I do not believe in any creator, I *do* have the nerve to make up my own rules, although truly, I don't believe any of us do. We are molded and governed by the family, the culture, the societies we live in...but I digress.
How exactly does determining my own truths make them biased and selfish? My truths are kindness, authenticity and self-respect, above all. I believe love means extending yourself to nurture another human being's personal growth, even if that means there may be some discomfort. I love animals, I have cared for the sick, the old and dying, the disabled and the disadvantaged for all of my adult life. I am a passionate advocate for equal opportunity for all. I give generously to charities even though I am on a limited budget myself.
Don't tell me I am selfish and biased. Those are fighting words.

Preach it sister Birdie

Thanks, Zsuz. This logic just ****** me off.

When you state "have the nerve," you are implying that non-believers in the opposition of yourself DO and that that they are being disdainful by doing so. I am a non-believer, therefore, yes you are talking to me. You must realize that if the shoe were on the other foot, if I stated "Christians have such nerve to think that their god created the universe," (which I wouldn't) that wouldn't heat you up a little? Of course it would, because it is a belief you are passionate about and more power to you, I'm not here to discuss religion.
I do agree that all of those issues have become more concerning, but in my eyes, it has nothing to do with a lack of faith, but rather a lack of self-responsibility and a society that promotes apathy and laziness. Personally, I have found holding myself accountable for my own choices, rather than thinking someone or something else is holding to me to some standard, has brought me a greater sense of peace than any beliefs I had previously in my life. But that's just ME. Whatever works for YOU is your business and I try not to judge in these matters.

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I will use any opportunities I ever have to see to it this passage does not continue to be ignored in churches.