If The Refusing Spouse --
(1) -is operating from a basis of consciously and deliberately engaging in this behaviour, then you have a real big, and probably insoluble problem. They are pro-actively choosing the behaviour to manipulate the dynamic to exactly where they want it to be.
The chances of that changing hover at close to zero.
(2) - is operating from a basis where it is a natural and intuitive behaviour (not driven by deliberate manipulative motives) then you have a HUGE and insoluble problem. You are dealing with behaviour that is natural, fully entrenched, and is part of who they are.
The chances of that changing hover at zero.
Tread your own path.